Consequences of Sin

Chapter Twenty-One

    I feel so humiliated and ashamed. Once again, Sebastian bested me. I feel used, and broken. Whatever he did that killed Lucifer's baby I am happy about, but being tricked into marriage is unforgiveable. Father was right, though. I grew up in Hell. How did I not know the marriage traditions? Guessing because I never gave a shit to learn about them. Fuck me, Sebastian has me down right screwed with this situation. Going to have to research how to divorce your demonic half brother, fuck my life. I'm pretty sure I keep Google on its toes.

    I've been pretending to sleep in this hospital bed for about forty-five minutes now. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to have to deal with the consequences of all of the shit I've done. I don't want to have to face Caleb, and tell him that my brother tricked me into marrying him while we were fucking. I also, don't want to admit that I fucked Sebastian because he was brother, and I knew it pissed the devil off. I wanted my father's throne, and was going to challenge him for it, for fuck's sake. My life is an absolute mess. On the positive side, the little intruder is dead and I'm no longer in Hell anymore. Only in my own personal Hell. I let out a loud sigh, no longer to keep up this charade.

    "I was wondering when you was going to stop acting like you were asleep." Caleb says before I even open my eyes. Of course he knew I was awake. Can't trick your guardian angel, I suppose. I'm ashamed that I even forgot him. Caleb means so much to me.

    "Sorry about that. I've been trying to gather all of my thoughts, and process the new information." I look at him now, and I see him give me a nod. He understands, as I knew he would.

    "Car, I don't know what happened, or how you did it, but while you was in Hell, you completely blocked me from you. I had no idea where you was, what was happening, if you were okay. This shit has been rough as fuck on me." Caleb gets up, and walks towards me, and hugs me gently but firmly. Oh, I have missed this, and him so much. I start to cry.

    "Don't cry, Car. Things will be better now, you'll see." I shake my head no. He doesn't know what I've done.

    "I have a lot I need to say. I really don't want to admit to any of it. I don't want any of it to be true. I also, don't want you to know how badly I've fucked up." I'm whispering when I finish talking. What is Caleb going to think of me now? Why does all of this fucked up shit keep happening? Makes things harder to ever be possible for Caleb and I. I am just realizing how badly I actually want to have a relationship with Caleb. If there was ever a person I would want to be in a relationship with, it'd be him. He'd make a great husband. Whoa, brain, slow it down. He's probably going to hate you after you tell him this shit. Great, life reminder pulling me back into reality.

    "Carmen Isabelle Divinity. No secrets." he says with a stern look on his face, and I get it. I can't lie to him, or omit anything. God already knows, more than likely.

    "I know. I didn't plan to keep any secrets. You need to know what's happened. I just really wished you didn't have to. I would really rather you didn't know, but that's not how this works." I huff out a sigh. I need to get it over it with.

    "Yeah, so, we were at the safe house, you know? Sebastian threw you across the room, knocked you through some walls. I'm terrified and panicking, because I don't see you trying to get up and move. Sebastian grabs my face, kisses me, and the kiss subdues my power. They wouldn't work. He informed me that he's my half brother, then brought me right to Lucifer's throne." I glance up from where I've been playing with my fingers at, to see the expression on his face. Caleb is definitely pissed, lovely. It's only going to get worse from here.

    "So, Lucifer takes me to have a private conversation. He explains Sebastian to me. If you, or God, need his backstory, I got it. While there I meet father's new whore. I was stressed out with worry, terror, panic, the list was endless. She was trying me out of jealousy, as if I was going to fuck dear ol' dad right there, just to spite her. She attacked me, and I killed her. I'm just so tired of feeling like a victim. Everybody keeps using me. I'm broken on the inside, Caleb. I feel as abused as a raggedy ann doll." I wipe the tear that threatens to fall, because fuck that weakness trying to escape out.