Consequences of Sin

Chapter Thirteen

     What is this throbbing pain in my head? Feels like a jackhammer is steadily drilling at my skull. Only time this usually happens, is if I drink. I start replaying yesterday's events through my head, because I'm one hundred percent sure I didn't drink. Oh my God! I had sex Sebastian?! What the hell? I mean, sure, I wanted to, but I wanted to talk to Caleb beforehand. Oh no, what have I done? Why couldn't I control my need? I don't understand. I know I'm the one who chose to masturbate, and get myself off thinking about him, but it's as if I was just a visitor in my body after that. Was I somehow drugged? That would explain the headache as well. No, couldn't have been. I'm in God's safe house, with a security team of guards here, as well as my guardian angel. I can't explain why my body reacted the way it did towards Sebastian. I feel so ashamed. I have probably lost my only real friend. There's a light knock on my door. I know it's Caleb.

     "Car, we need to talk." he says from behind my door. Maybe I can pretend to be asleep still? My head is pounding too much to have this conversation right now.

     "I know you're awake, I can feel the amount of pain in your in. Rough night, huh?" he says in an angry voice. He knows, of course he does. He's my guardian angel, and has already told me he saw past relationships I've had. He even knew when I masturbated to him that one time. I feel my cheeks heat up with shame and embarrassment. Caleb opens the door, and walks in. He takes a seat in the chair across from the bed. My heart falls. He really is pissed at me. He has ran his hands through his hair so much, I can see it. He looks like he hasn't even been asleep. I know he's waiting for me to talk, but I don't even know what to say.

     "Carmen, I know you said you didn't do relationships, or anything with attachments, and feelings, but fuck really? You couldn't act like a decent person, and tell me? I thought better of you. First guy that comes around, and gives you a little attention, you're all over his dick not even thirty minutes later." he's basically yelling at me. I'm ashamed, but he did know the rules. I'm mad at him, for being mad at me. How does that even make sense?

     "Caleb, look, last night wasn't supposed to happen. I don't know why it did. I was interested in Sebastian, yes. I still am as well. I could not control the need that overtook me. I wasn't myself. I can't explain it." I'm whispering this all to Caleb, because this headache is beyond brutal. Caleb is looking at me, like I'm the most uncreative, ridiculous liar he's ever seen.

     "I will not apologize for sleeping with Sebastian. I did tell you no relationships. I'm not known for monogamy, you know this. A couple with weeks, if that, with whatever person I have as my lover. Caleb, I do like you. You're the only real friend I've ever had. I don't want to lose our friendship. We can't be together intimately anymore. It's getting too messy, lines are too blurred. I can't have feelings for you, I can't love you Caleb, don't you understand? Feelings, love, they're all weaknesses for me. Lucifer will expose any I have, and use them against me every time. It's what he does. If you can't accept that, then I'll understand, but we won't even be friends then." I whisper yell at him. Seriously, he can't be this stupid. He knows I want to save him, as much as possible, from my father. What does he really expect?

     "Carmen, you're not being fair. I'm not asking you to love me. I understand that you're not able to do that right now." I stop him right there, he's wrong.

     "That's where you're wrong, Caleb. I can't ever love you, or return your love. Oh my God, you're in love with me?" I ask horrified at the thought.

     "Is that really such a bad thing, Car? You know what, fuck it, I'm not even sure we can be friends. I need space from you. I'll do my job, but that's it. Sorry, Carmen." Caleb says with so much anger, he walks out of my room, and slams the door.

     My head may be pounding from a headache, but it's nothing compared to the heartache I'm feeling. I don't love Caleb, I can't. I can't offer him anymore, ever. Not with my dad, not with this pending war, and everything else that's going on. I really do like him, he was the only friend I've ever have. I don't even have that anymore. Stupid Carmen, why couldn't you just control these whore-mones. Fuck my life, every day it's steadily becoming worse. At least I know I'll see Caleb later today. We start working on training my powers. I hear another knock on my door, and look up to see Sebastian walking in. Oh boy, here is trouble.

     "I take it that lover boy is mad?" he asks with a smirk. I want to slap it off of his stupid face, but at the same time I just want throw myself at him, and fuck the shit out of him. What the hell is wrong with me?

     "Yeah, he's not too happy with me. I feel bad. I didn't even mean for us to happen last night. Don't get me wrong I had planned on masturbating to you, but as for needing you like I did afterwards? No, that was completely unexpected. My need was so strong it had me desperate enough to make a booty call." I let out a small laugh with that last statement. It's humiliating that I was that needy, especially after sating myself. I glance up at Sebastian to see his eyes dilating in lust. Oh boy, maybe I should have kept my mouth closed. As much as my body is screaming to take him for a ride again, I'm clear headed enough to know it's not a good idea. He looks at my mouth, and licks his lips, which hits me deep, down low, and has my libido firing up. Shit, this cannot happen.

     "Holy shit, Carmen, I didn't know you went and did a solo act with thoughts of me. Fuck, that's hot. I like that you needed me, because as much as I hate to say this, I needed you too. Once I saw you, and met you, I couldn't control my thoughts. They told me I needed to fuck you, and that I just need to be around you. It's hard to explain." he says this as if he might be feeling as confused as I do about how I'm feeling with him. I can't describe it.

     "It's the same for me to, Sebastian. I can't describe it, and make you able to understand what I mean, but it's like I need you. Your body, and yourself as well." I say with a wink. He chuckles, but I can see the heated look he's giving me. I can't do that, not right now.

     "Look as much as I would love to have another go at you, I can't. Not at this moment. I'm sorry. I usually never turn down sex either, it's awkward. Caleb was literally just in my room, and apparently I have lost the only friend I've ever had. I need to get up, and start getting ready to train." I get up off the bed, and start moving around to get my work out clothes ready. Sebastian walks behind me, and grabs my waist, pulling me into him. He slowly kisses my neck.

     "I can be patient, while you work through whatever you had with your guardian angel, but you're mine. I don't do relationships, feelings, all that shit either, but I don't share. I'll wait as long as I can, but this need is strong. Sort it out fast." he says huskily into my ear. I'm honestly regretting not having sex. I need him buried deep inside me. I don't say anything to Sebastian, I just nod that I heard him. He walks out my door, and shuts my door.

     What in the fuck kind of new shit storm have I gotten myself into?

(1421 words)