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Chapter VIII

Chapter VIII

Raziel Ellyse Mojica

“Wala na po bang ibang option?” Tanong ko sa doctor. Ayokong magpa-opera. Natatakot ako. Paano kung hindi ako magising pagtapos non? Hindi ko na makakausap si Amiel, hindi ko maipapaliwanag sakanya ang lahat.

“I’m afraid but it’s our only option.” Nanlumo ako at nagpaalam na sakanya.

 

Lumabas ako sa opisina niya at dumiretso sa kwarto ko. Ilang linggo na akong nandito sa ospital, hindi ako pinayag ng magulang kong ilabas na dahil baka daw may mangyaring masama dahil daw sa may problema pa daw sa akin.

 

Almost two months ago I had an accident, a car accident. Umalis kasi ako papunta sa Pampanga, nalaman ko kasing magkakaron ng laban si Amiel doon, at sa loob ng halos isang tao na nagkahiwalay kami ay lagi akong patagong pinapanood siya.

 

I wanted to see him happy even for a few hours. At alam kong kapag may laban siya ay nagiging masaya siya. And that’s enough for me to see him happy even from afar. Hanggang sa nasa bus ako papunta don ay biglang hindi inaasahang pangyayari. Everything went fast and I just found myself staring at the sky wishing I could live because I still want to see that glimmer in Amiel’s eyes.

 

I did live, but there’s no assurance that I could see his him again. Because I’m stuck in the four walls of this hospital room, waiting for my brain to just explode and get me out of this misery. Wala ng oras sa isang araw na hindi ako umiiyak dahil sa lagging sumasakit ang ulo ko.

 

For weeks I’ve been enduring the pain because I don’t want to do the surgery. I’m more scared of being unconscious that dying. Natatakot ako nab aka pag natapos ang operasyon nagagawin nila ay habang buhay na lang akong nakaratay. Dalawa lang naman kasi ang posibleng kahinatnan ng operasyon, ang mabuhay ako o habang buhay akong nakaratay sa kama na ‘to and not seeing Amiel, my family or even my friends forever when in fact I could have been if I can to.

 

I’m scared of uncertainity, death is a certain thing in this world that’s why I’m not scared, but lying here unconscious, that’s uncertain. At ayoko ng ganon. I’d rather suffer from this pain than live my whole life being uncertain of things that might have happen.

 

Being uncertain whether I can have a happy ending with Amiel. Whether I can spend my life growing old with my friend and seeing my parents proud of me? I’m scared of uncertainity, and that scare covers many aspects of living.

 

“Heyya, Raziel.” Bungad ni Cara sakin at itinaas ang dala niyang paper bag at envelope. Cara is the only person who knows my situation.

 

Wala ng ibang nakakaalam sa sitwasyon ko kundi siya lang. Siya din ang tumutulong sakin na kahit saglit ay makita si Amiel, “So where is it?” Tanong ko sakanya at ibinigay naman niya ang envelope na dala niya.

 

Masayang binuksan ko iyon at inisa isa. It’s a picture of Amiel, mga stolen photos niya courtesy of Cara na kumuha nito. She takes a picture of Amiel every week and give it to me. Para naman magkaron ako ng clue kung masaya siya. Call me obsess but I can’t help it. I’m in love with him.