I Knew You Were Trouble

Chapter 41

Jake’s POV

You know that anxious, impatient  feeling in your chest that bugs you and burns you until all that’s left to do is close your eyes and endure it. That feeling where you would do anything to help, even if it means you will lost a hand in the process, but all you want to do is help, but you can’t; you can’t because you can’t give that person what she needs for her to recover. And in that moment of helplessness, I realized how much I loved her and how I would do anything in my power to keep her way from feeling any pain.

I was pacing around the hospital waiting room for almost an hour and counting. Two hours ago, I had walked directly to the desk asking the receptionist about Rosie. She told me she was still on surgery, which she suspected would last over three hours or more due to the severity of her injuries. Along with Marcus, I sat on one of the deteriorated, lime green, plastic chairs, waiting for a doctor to come out to inform us about her condition.

After an hour of waiting, I stood up and started walking aimlessly unable to control my nerves. The walking distracted my mind from registering the smell of sanitizer and chlorine that filled the room making me nauseous, but it almost, almost, made me ignore the old man, probably in his sixties, who was uncontrollably crying and sobbing on his hands as a doctor told him bad news about whoever relative was in the ICU. The doctor left after informing the man, leaving the poor soul to drown on his own grieving tears. That’s what I hate the most about hospitals. 

They witnessed everything, whether it would be good or devastating news. Hospitals could be the start of a new a life, the place where hope was given to those who thought it was the end, but it could also be the place where your heart and your whole existence would be shattered in a millions pieces. It’s ironic how a place could experience strong emotions such as happiness and grieve, anger and hope. While staring at the man, I couldn’t help but see myself in that position. What if Rosie’s doctor came out of the surgery room with a defeated look on his face and told us the typical “I’m sorry” he had probably said millions of times? What would I do? I know for a fact, I can’t live in a world where there is no Rosie. Her laugh and her voice, and just the simple sight of her asleep is what keeps me going, what would I do if she is no longer here?

“Jake, come sit down before you dig a hole on the floor,” Marcus joked interrupting my morbid thoughts, but I couldn’t find the strength to reply back so I just weakly smiled at him and sat down next to him.

“Look Jake, I know it’s hard, hell I never thought I would see myself in this position, but we have to stay strong for Rosie, she’ll need us later,” Marcus said trying to lift up my mood, but he didn’t understand.

He didn’t, and couldn’t, understand why I was acting this way. It was my fault she ended with two bullets on her stomach, a bleeding head, and an untreated, bleeding and possibly infected forearm. It was all my fault. If I hadn’t teased her in the beginning and if she hadn’t tried to help me and see the “good” in me, neither of us would be in this painful situation. Because I stupidly and helplessly fell for that hazel-eyed girl, Dan thought she was a threat and would “make me suffer like no one ever did”. If I hadn’t done any of it, she wouldn’t be there. But it was all my fault and this is the price I am paying.

“Marcus, it was all my fault. I fell in love with your daughter,” I turned to look at his face, “and look where that got her. Because I was with her, she got shot by the psychotic man I used to call ‘dad’. It was all m-”

“Stop! Okay, I get it! If you weren’t in love with her, she wouldn’t be in this situation, but let me tell you Jake, it happened. You  two, I don’t even know how, fell in love with each other and unfortunately this happened. Things happen, Jake. Don’t beat up yourself for something that wasn’t in your power to control. Rosie loves you and you love her and that’s all that really matters,” Marcus said a bit too loudly which earned a few stares from the people in the room. He rolled his eyes at those people and lowered his voice.