Anxiety

Chapter 17: Carved Away By Waves of Pain

"I came to help you," I told him. "You had another panic attack," I whispered.

"There were black shadows everywhere. They kept grabbing onto me and biting and pinching me. They pinned me to the ground and more just kept coming. They wanted my blood." He sniffed. His lip quivered. He was the cutest this right now. He reached his loose hand and wiped his face.

"And what would they want that for?" I questioned.

"I don't know. I don't taste good." He wiped his eyes. I chuckled softly at his cute humour.

"Well, maybe they thought you did. Are you ok now?" I asked him playing with his hair. It must look very awkward from the third point of few. s/o was taller than me by a couple inches and he was cuddled up to me in my lap.

"I'm ok now." He nodded. He was still crying and I didn't know why. He looked around his room at the mess of things he had broken and thrown. "I did that didn't I?" He pouted.

"Yes, you did. But it wasn't your fault." I told him.

"Yes, it was. I was the one who threw it because I'm stupid and don't know reality from a dream." He cried.

"You're not stupid s/o," I said combing my fingers through his hair. "You are special because you can see everything but reality. Sure sometimes it might not always be good but I know you have a great imagination." I told him. He sniffed again. His hands wrapped around my waist. I sucked in a deep breath of air scared of what he was doing.

"I'm sorry I made a mess." He whispered into my neck.

"Don't be. It's not your fault." I told him. It sounded like we had just had sex. Why was my mind so dirty?

"Yes, it is." He raised his voice.

"No, it's not. It's not your fault you got scared. Everyone has things they are afraid of." I told him. "And sometimes those things can scare you a lot," I said.

*S/o PoV*

I could feel myself sinking into little space as I sat on her lap and I knew it was wrong. I knew I wasn't supposed to act like a child because I was supposed to act grown up, but she was sitting here with me in her lap talking in a soothing voice as she was trying to calm me. She felt so warm against me and I liked the feeling of her warmth and the way my head fit into her neck perfectly. It also allowed me to hide my face from her since I was so ashamed of myself.

"You should stop saving me," I told her.

"Why?" She asked me.

"Because one day you won't be able to save me and you're going to feel bad," I told her.

"I am going to save you as many times as you need." She told me. She yawned and her bottom jaw pushed down onto my head. I pulled away from her sliding to the end of my bed.

"When was the last time you ate?" She asked.

"I don't know." I shrugged. I knew perfectly well. I hadn't eaten anything since she had last come to the house and ate dinner with my family.

"Don't lie to me. When was the last time you ate? You shouldn't be that thin s/o." She scolded me.

"I don't want to eat," I told her. Don't let her tell you what to do. She's just like everyone else. She's just trying to make you fatter. The voice in my head said.

But she's so nice and she keeps helping me. I argued.

She just wants you to think that. The voice said.

You're stupid. I growled. The voice in my head was persistent.

"Like two days." I pouted.

"s/o. Why haven't you been eating?" She questioned. I knew that she already knew the answer. She had probably noticed when she had her arms around my waist. "I know the voice in your head is telling you it's bad for you, but it's not good to starve yourself." She told me. I bit my lip nodding. She took me downstairs and told me to sit down. I watched as she pulled food from the fridge. My parents looked at the two of us from the living room confused as she started pulling leftovers from the fridge and cut fruits up and veggies. She handed me a huge plate filled with food. A single burger with a big helping of fruit and veggies. I frowned down at my plate.

"I don't want it," I told her, but my stomach growled giving me away.

"Eat it." She said forcefully as she sat down beside me. I picked up my fork poking and pushing everything around my plate and my stomach growled again. I was hungry.

No, you are not. Don't eat that. It will make you fatter. The voice said. Yes, it will I knew that. I knew that I was extremely thin and it wasn't healthy. I picked the fork up and brought the veg to my mouth. She watched me eat all the fruit and half the burger before I pushed the plate away. My stomach felt like it was going to explode.

"I can't eat anymore." I groaned. She took the plate from me and place it back in the fridge.

"You should normally be able to eat that easily. s/o please make sure you are eating proper meals." She told me. I nodded taking her hand and leading her back upstairs to my room. I gained a couple stares from the parents in the living room and my face flushed red knowing I would get in trouble for this later. She let go of my hand letting me sit on my bed. I reached out for her making a grabbing motion like a child. Little space was back. I swear sometimes it was like a switch. She came to my side sitting next to me on the bed. Admiring her I noticed the tank top and shorts she was wearing. I guess she didn't change from her sleepwear when she came over. I wrapped my arms around her feeling the sudden emotions of the day hit me and I started crying. She rubbed my back and let me cry on her.