Peeta Mellark- What is left?

The Tributes.

Since I left the train I can't seem to control my thoughts anymore. I'm not sure what has happened to me but something just feel so unreal, like a bad movie. The thought of Katniss makes me want to scream which sometimes does happen if I can't stop myself. She makes me so angry! I've decided that she is the reason why my eyes have again changed so they are fully black. She's the reason why no one will talk to me anymore. She's the reason why I my family hate me. Once she's dead everything will be normal again. 

I was taken back to the Capitol a few days after the broadcast. I've heard that Peace Keepers have had to drag some of the Victors away from their homes in the Districts. Videos of them waving goodbye to their families and friends were shown on the Caesar Flickerman show a few nights back. I recognised a few of the Victors from previous Games and it look likes some of the Victors have been brought back as rebels. 

When I get on the train I am welcomed by fimiliar faces like Effie and Haymitch who will once again, be my escort and mentor. 

"Wow Peeta you look..presentable" It takes her a while to find the right words but even then they still sound hurtful. I know I look mess; I have ever since that dreadful day outside the justice building. The nightmares get worse each night and my eyes haven't turned blue since the day I attacked Gale. 

"Nice to see you again Effie" I try and sound happy but I know the worst is still to come. I just nod at Haymitch because we both know he said enough when he left that stupid mockingjay carving on the table. 

I squeeze my eyes shut to calm myself down which seems to be the only way of blocking out my new memories that keep fighting their way back into my thoughts before taking over my whole mind! 

"Well, the same events will take place with the odd new one that has been put in place for your benefit during the prepartions for the Quarter Quell" Effie tweets like a little bird just as I remember but she seems to have more concern in her voice this time. 

During the next few days on the train to the Capitol, I monitor Effie whilst she talks us through the plans for the build up to the Games. Sometimes I catch her looking at me but she doesn't smile like she used to. She lets her green eyebrows furrow together, making her looked worried but she only does this when she looks at me. I know I'm a mess but I'm not that bad, am I?

When we arrive in the Capitol the first event that takes place is a private meeting session between the tributes. This didn't happen last year and I don't think it's ever happened. 

Before the meeting I turn to Effie who is again looking at me strangely.

"Effie, why am I even doing this?" I ask her but she is taken aback since I haven't spoken to her directly since the last Games. 

"The Gamemakers believe that it's good for you to all meet each other" She replies quietly like she is talking to herself.

"What so we can become friends to make the killing more interesting?" She sighs and doesn't talk again until we are stood outside the door. No one else is here yet so we're either early or late but knowing Effie, we're early.

"Now, Peeta you will be meeting all the tributes now including Katniss" She is trying to sound confident but her voice breaks when she say its name. This is my chance to finally rid of her once and for all. 

"Peeta, you need to stay calm. I know you're angry with her but save it for the arena" Tears start to run down Effie's face but I don't know why? Is she upset for me? Is she scared for me? Is Katniss going to try kill us both? 

All these thoughts engolf my mind and take over before I can stop it and before I know it I am screaming at Effie to run!

"You have to run Effie! She's going to kill us!" I yell at her "I can't do this!"