By the orders of my doctor I'm supposed to warn you not to read this as it may come off a bit,um...I don't know....crazy maybe?
Gah! Lord help you, you've clicked this post.
Ah well this is the charm of being acquainted with Jemmy.You just can't say no to her can you?
It's the eyes.The cute li'l brown eyes that remind you of chocolates dipped in --
What?
Oh right sorry.Got carried away.Ahem.
So after the smashing success of Jemsparkle's guide to stealing a diamond (msg to those who actually read it:" not one word out of you lot!") I have decided to share another guide.I can guarantee this one will come in handy because you never know one day you might wake up to find yourself stuck in a horror movie situation and on that day you'll be prepared thanks to your very own Jemmy :D
Ah! why oh why was I cursed with such a helpful nature?
Anywho without further adue allow me to share with you
JEMSPARKLE's GUIDE TO SURVIVING REAL LIFE SCARY-MOVIE-LIKE SITUATIONS:
RULE 1: DON'T STAY AT HOME ALONE AT NIGHT:
If you can do this then I can pretty much guarantee you,you will live a full healthy (not dead) life unless you want to tempt fate and start spending nights alone in houses then it's pretty much slated out for you.
Would you prefer Freddy to kill you or shall I ring Jason?
Consequently if you are alone and you start hearing strange noises DON'T( For the love of God) CHECK! Just grab your iPod and run.
If you hear someone knocking DON'T ANSWER! ( same goes for scratchy noises)
If you're getting blank calls LEAVE THE HOUSE IMMEDIATELY! (this goes double for babysitters)
If someone goes knock knock DON'T (for Pete's sake!) SAY "who's there?" Because the chances are some psychopathic weirdo will say "death" and lunge at you with a butcher knife.
RULE 2: NEVER STICK AROUND IN CREEPY OLD TOWNS/HOUSES/CHURCHES THAT LOOK DESERTED:
Yes please don't go in there.If your friends dare you to do it then be the smart one and wimp out.Don't go exploring old haunted mansions.Don't go into any one of these places on a stormy night and ESPECIALLY if your car's battery is dead and your cell is not catching signals.In such cases I'd advise you to stay in your car or soak in the rain.
RUN LIKE HELL if you spot townies foaming in the mouth or elliciting strange behaviours.Don't try to be a hero and solve the mystery.
Let your school's cafeteria lunch be the only mystery worth solving in your life.
Er, on second thought I'd advise you not to solve that either.
RULE 3:YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY MOVE OUT WHEN :
When your furniture starts moving on it's own.You discover you're living on an ancient sacrificial ground.Your house is connected to a cemetery.Strange lights glow in the dark.Messages start appearing on walls( post-it-notes are an exception if your brother is whacked up like my cousin and picks middle of the night to pass on phone messages)Your younger siblings confess they see dead people.
THE HOUSE TELLS YOU TO GET OUT( doesn't get any plainer than this).Your pet starts cowering or avoiding some specific area.You hear heavy death metal records only to discover it doesn't belong to you.You hear creepy violin music.Your framed photos start falling on the ground.You have a covered well in the backyard.You have a shed in the backyard.You hear strange feral noises at night.You receive threatening texts/letters from stalkers who promise to "drop by" real soon.Someone comitted suicide/was bricked alive in your house.Someone worshipped Satan or other dark powers in your house.You hear creepy laughter.You see ghosts.Your door has scratch marks on it.
