Voltron One Shots

At Death's Door

Prompt: 1. I kinda have a langst prompt...? Nothing special just having really seen much or really anything on it. So there's plenty of lance selfharm fics..... yeah I know I love that angst, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind writing something where he used to selfharm and the team find out about it (whether lance tells them or someone sees it or anything else, doesn't really matter). This could go either down a route full of fluff or a route full of angst, didn't realize that before, but whatever. 2. Shiro's reaction to Lance at his door one night telling him he's feeling suicidal?

A/N: These are two different prompts that I combined just because.

Trigger warnings: self-harm, mentions of past self-harm, suicidal thoughts

~ ~ ~

"Sh- Shiro?" A voice called from outside Shiro's door. He looked up from the book he was reading. It was late, everyone should be asleep. "H- hey, Shiro, are you awake?" The person knocked on the door quietly. Shiro stood up and crossed the room. When he opened the door he found Lance, in his pajamas and his green jacket, his arms crossed, hugging his body.

"Lance?" he asked in confusion. "What are you doing up?" Lance chewed on his lip and breathed deeply through his nose.

"Can I—" His voice broke. "Can I come in?" Shiro's frown deepened as he stepped back and motioned for Lance to enter. Lance lowered his head and dragged his feet across the floor. He sat down on the floor, his back leaning against Shiro's bed. Shiro perched on the edge of his bed next to Lance.

"Is something bothering you?" Shiro asked, noticing Lance's fidgeting hands. He was unconsciously tugging at the ends of his sleeves.

"Um, I don't know. I guess, yeah" he breathed out. Shiro continued to study Lance. He was acting strange... Anxious.

"What's wrong, Lance?" Shiro asked softly. Lance didn't reply. He looked like he was thinking deeply, his eyes flitted back and forth across the room. "Lance?" His eyes flashed up to meet Shiro's.

"I have to tell you something" he said, almost at a whisper, like he was afraid someone was going to hear.

"What is it?" Lance licked his lips and pulled on his sleeve again.

"I- When I was- I used to—" he shook his head and took a deep breath. "When I was... younger—" he glanced away from Shiro, unable to make eye contact any longer. "I used to... hurt myself" he admitted. Shiro could barely hear the words, but when he did he leaned closer to Lance. Clearly something was wrong if Lance was telling this to him at four o'clock in the morning.

"I didn't know..." Shiro said when Lance didn't continue. Lance shrugged.

"I didn't... do it on my wrists very often. People would notice. I didn't do it for attention" he said defensively.

"I didn't say you did" Shiro said. Lance let out a breath.

"I don't know why I did it. To make myself feel better, I guess. I don't know. But I did it. A lot" Lance pulled up his edge of his pajama shorts with shaking fingers, revealing dozens of thin jagged lines covering his inner thighs. "One time I... I cut too deep. There was so much blood" Lance's eyes went distant as he was transported back to the memory. "I couldn't hide it anymore at that point, I couldn't keep it to myself. I told my mom and she- she cried. She didn't understand why I did it" Tears sprang into Lance's eyes as he dropped the hem of his shorts, coving the scars. Shiro felt tears welding up in his as well, but he blinked them away. Lance fell silent for a few moments, he obviously had something else to say, but he seemed to be working up the courage.

"Thank you for telling me, Lance" Shiro said, patting Lance's shoulder comfortingly. "But if I could ask, why did you tell me now? Why not wait until morning?" Lance shifted nervously, avoiding Shiro's eyes again. Shiro's face fell in realization. "Because you wanted to do it again" he whispered. Lance choked back a sob.

"I don't want to- It's not that I like it, or that I want to do it. It's- It's- I don't know! I just... feel like I need to do it and I haven't felt that way in a long time. It scared me. So, I... came to find you. I'm sorry for keeping you up" Shiro shook his head.

"Don't you apologize"

"I haven't thought about doing it again until- until recently. I don't know what it was... If it was the fighting, or the home sickness... It all just built up and I just—" Lance squeezed his fists tightly, so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "I feel- I feel like- Like I want to—" Shiro slid off the bed and sat on the floor next to Lance, putting his hand on the boy's hands.

"Lance are you thinking about hurting yourself again?" he asked gently, but firmly. Lance nodded vigorously. Shiro couldn't see his eyes, but he knew he was crying. His shoulders were hunched, and he was shaking.

"Yes" he choked out. "I don't want to" his lips trembled. "I don't want to do it again..."

"You don't have to... You don't have to, Lance" Shiro said, rubbing Lance's arm reassuringly. "I'm here for you. I can help you. You're not alone"

"I don't know how to make it stop" Lance cried helplessly.

"Don't think long term. Think about right now. Can you go ten seconds with out harming yourself?" Shiro asked as Lance breathed in and out steadily. Lance nodded his head slowly.

"Yeah, I can do that" Shiro nodded.

"Okay, so do that. Can you go ten minutes?" Lance exhaled.

"Yeah"

"An hour?" Lance nodded. "What about all night? Do you think you can last until morning?" Lance hesitated. "I'll stay with you the whole time, I promise" Lance swallowed thickly.

"M- Maybe, yeah" he stuttered. "I can try" Shiro nodded.

"That's all I'm asking" he said. "We can stay up and talk or try and get some sleep. Whatever you're up for" Lance finally unclenched his fists. His hands were starting to go numb. "I promise that things will seem better in the morning"

"Thank you, Shiro" Lance whispered. Shiro wrapped an arm around Lance's shoulders.

"Lance, you don't have to thank me. That's what family's for"

~   ~

Lance woke up the next morning on the floor. A blanket had been draped over at some point during the night. Shiro was snoring in his bed. The corner of Lance's lip quirked up at the sound. It was like a chainsaw. Lance sat up and pulled the blanket around his shoulders. Shiro had been right. Things did seem better now that Lance had gotten some sleep. Not fixed, but better.

As Lance watched Shiro's chest rise and fall he thought about what Shiro had said to him before he had fallen asleep. "That's what family's for" They were his family, he realized. He didn't have to hide all these things from them anyone, the way he felt, the things he had done in his past, they were his family.

He wasn't going to keep secrets from them anymore.