Voltron One Shots

Expectations

Prompt: Lance cutting because he feels like he's not good enough and Shiro finding out.

A/N: Long time guys! Hope you're all doing well during this time. Stay home, stay safe! Mini update time ig? I'm 21 now, whoo! I lost my job because of COVID-19 (and I won't be going back when it's over for personal reasons), but I'm alright. I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm going to be just fine!
Leave a comment if you have an idea for a prompt!

Trigger warnings: self harm, blood

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Shiro watched as the team made their way to their respective rooms, sweat-covered and beyond exhausted. Their previous mission had gone well, minor hiccups aside. Nothing major went wrong, just a few miscommunications between Lance and himself. Lance was out of sync lately, always one step behind. Shiro had half a mind to give him a lecture about the importance of what they were trying to accomplish. The universe didn't have time for Lance to be distracted by whatever petty thing someone had said to him, or whatever trivial item he was fixated on.

As the last paladin closed their door, Shiro uncrossed his arms and frowned. Speaking of Lance... Where was he? He couldn't recall seeing him head toward the decontamination room, and his suit wasn't lined up with all the others. Had he even come out of his lion?

Shiro strode toward the Blue Lion and rapped gently on her mechanical paw. "Is he in there?" he asked her. She let out a low growl and opened her mouth in response. Shiro climbed into the lion and made his way to the cockpit, his boots making a clanging sound against the metal floors.

In his head, Shiro was psyching himself up for a long talk. It took a while, but eventually Lance would drop the jokes and actually had a heart-to-heart and let Shiro know what had been bothering him. Shiro just had to find the right words. 

"Shit!" Lance's voice echoed through the small room as Shiro stepped into it. Shiro stilled, and didn't make his presence known. "Shit, shit shit! That stings" he hissed to himself. Blue made a yowling sound. "I- Blue, listen, I love you, but I need you to shut up right now. You don't understand. I'm not- I'm not hurt. Er- I mean, I am hurt, but I'm okay!" His voice grated as he spoke. The stress in his voice was palpable.

"You're hurt?" Shiro asked loudly. Lance lept out of his chair and clutched his chest with his left arm. Shiro could see the whites of his eyes. 

Shiro moved closed to Lance. Every step forward he took, Lance took a bigger one back, until he was pinned up against the controls. Lance's face twitched as he frantically scanned the room, seemingly searching for an escape. "Lance, why didn't you just say that you were hurt? It's alright. It happens to the best of us. That's what we have the healing pods for." Shiro was only a few feet away from him now. "What happened? Let me see-" He broke off when he saw blood in Lance's chair. 

"Shiro" Lance said hoarsely. Shiro glanced at Lance and then back at the droplets of blood that trailed from the arm of the chair, to the floor, leading all the way to-

"Lance... Why are you holding a knife?" Shiro asked in bewilderment. "What- What's going on?" Lance's hand suddenly released the small blade, dropping it to the floor. The time it took to hit the floor seemed an eternity.

"I..." Lance stared at Shiro, open mouthed. It was like he was seeing a ghost. Shiro couldn't make heads or tails of this situation. Was Lance going into shock from blood-loss? There didn't seem to be that much blood on the ground for that to have happened. And why the knife? "I need you to leave" 

Shiro blinked in surprise. "You... what? Lance, what is going on? What are you doing?" 

"Get out. Get out!" Lance's left arm jerked out, as if he was going to point toward the door, but he swiftly pulled it back, smacking himself in the chest. His eyes were glossy. "Just... please" he said weakly. "Leave me alone" 

Shiro's mind was racing. He had to get Lance talking to figure out what happened. "I'm not leaving, Lance. Not until you tell me what happened" Lance let out a noise that was somewhere between a groan and a whimper. He searched Shiro's face, and found that he was telling the truth. He slowly lowered his arm, and braced himself.

It was only a few moments of staring at Lance's blood covered arm to put two-and-two together.

"You cut yourself" Lance averted his eyes. "You- you- Lance you did this to yourself" Shiro stepped closed and gently lifted Lance's arm up so he could see the full damage. Cuts, large and small, old and new littered his arm. The freshest cuts were still oozing blood. Lance peered up as Shiro shook his head in disbelief.

"Why?" He breathed. Lance stayed silent. "Why?" Shiro persisted. "Why have you been doing this?"

The answer took his breath away.

"Because I feel like I'm not enough for you!" Shiro staggered back in surprise.

"Wh- Lance... I don't know- What do you mean?" Lance jerked his arm away from Shiro and paced across the room, kicking the top half of his armor out of his way in frustration.

"Nothing I do is enough for you!" He said bitterly, still cradling his arm. His thumb brushed against the gash closest to his wrist. "You know what I'm talking about" 

"Lance, I- Truly, I have no idea what you're talking about. You have to believe me" he said, his feet rooted to the ground.

Lance bit his lip as he unconsciously pressed his thumb against the wound, causing a few drops of blood to drip down onto his boots. The top of the black skin-tight suit material he wore under his armor hung loosely around his waist. 

"You focus on me." Lance began. "During your post-mission meetings you focus on what I did wrong. You mention the others, but you specifically point out everything I do wrong" he said. "You scrutinize every little thing I do, every joke I make. I don't think it would even matter if I did every thing right, you would say I had the wrong attitude, or some bullshit like that!"

"Lance, I had no idea you thought this" Shiro said slowly. He was at a loss for words. "I'm sorry you... feel this way-" Lance threw his arms up and laughed flatly.

"You're 'sorry I feel this way,' seriously!?" Lance shivered in anger. "You're not even going to- I don't even... I don't even know what to say to you right now. Obviously you're not the source of all my problems," Lance gestured at his arm. "I have my own issues, and- and that's not the point! You for whatever reason have these unrealistic expectations for me, and I will never be able to live up to them, no matter how hard I try." Shiro held up his finger to say something, but Lance continued. "And don't give me that 'you're trying to make me a better man' speech. It's bullshit and you know it. You're harder on me than anyone else, and I can't handle that kind of pressure!" 

"You want me to be this perfect marksman, and to keep everyone happy, but don't joke too much or else it interferes with what we're doing! You're disappointed when I mess up, and you're disappointed when I don't try. I've never been enough for you Shiro. I'll- I'll never be enough" his voice hitched. 

"Lance... I'm so-" Lance waved him off.

"Don't bother apologizing. I'm sorry for talking too much. This isn't your problem it's mine" he said emotionlessly. "Don't worry I won't let this interfere with our mission" 

"Lance, don't go" Shiro said, but Lance wasn't listening. 

"I'm going to bed. I'm sorry for disappointing you, again."

Shiro watched as Lance exited the Blue Lion, his head a storm of emotions. 

How did he not know all of this was going on?

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