dear diary↝nomin

04

"jeno~ guess who i saw today?" jaemin ran up to his friend, a larn grin planted on his face.

"who?" the older asked, his eyes stilled glued to his phone, mindlessly scrolling through instagram. he was clearly uninterested in what jaemin had to say in that moment, but that didn't stop him from telling jeno.

"renjun hyung." that caught jeno's attention. the older looked up at jaemin who stood next to his seat, a smile still plastered on his face. "and i talked to him, about you." jeno could feel his heart stop right there.

"and..."

"and he told me that he thinks you're really cute and sweet." by now jaemin had sat next to jeno, "so i asked him if he liked you."

jeno bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from screaming at jaemin, or maybe smacking him. "jaemin you can't just ask people that, they find it weird."

"yeah but he didn't," jeno knew renjun found it weird, "so anyways he said that he doesn't really know because he hasn't talked to you that much so i invited him to my house on saturday and you're joining." jaemin was talking a thousand miles a second but for some reason the words came out in slow motion for jeno, giving him time to process everything jaemin told him.

jeno let out a sigh, shaking his head and going back to his phone, trying to ignore the nagging fact that his crush is trying to set him up with someone he lied about liking. karma is one big bitch.

"what's wrong? i thought you would be excited about this?" the younger's voice softened and jeno could already feel his heart melting for jaemin.

"i just.. i never expected it to go anywhere, you know? i don't know i was just happier with the thought of being with him." maybe he felt that way about jaemin too. maybe he didn't actually like jaemin in the way anyone else would, he just liked to entertain the thought of what him and jaemin could be. perhaps he only liked the jaemin he created in his fantasies.

"i'm sorry jeno... i just- it looked like you really liked him based off your journal."

dear diary,

i hate you sometimes, do you know that? i hate that you feel the need to try to involve yourself in something i never asked you to be apart of. i hate that you decided to go ahead and invite renjun over without asking if i was okay with it. i never asked for you to do any of this. i hate that you care so fucking much that you would go out of your way to do something for me. i hate how you always seem to put me first even though i can't manage a stupid thank you for you trying to make me happy. i hate that you're so stupid that you can't see how much i'm in love with you. but i just can't fucking stop caring because you're all i think about and you're all i ever want to think about.
i hate that i love you.