dear diary↝nomin

06

though jaemin told himself that the butterflies jeno gave him was nothing but a friendly feeling, he couldn't deny the fire he felt in his body when jeno confessed to him.

he didn't know what to do, and his mind kept telling him to get up and make jeno leave because if his parents knew what was happening he would never be allowed to see jeno again. but leaving was the last thing jaemin wanted him to do.

"i really don't know what to say." jaemin's voice was soft. it wasn't the answer jeno had expected but it was still a lot better than what he imagined would happen. "i-i like you too, it's just-"

"jaemin, you really don't have to say anything." and though jeno's heart leaped out of his chest hearing those words, he didn't want them to be fake.

"no. let me finish. i do like you, but it's my parents. if they ever found out about this, about you being gay, i wouldn't be able to see you. and you know if something ever happened between us then our friendship would be over."

"then there doesn't have to be anything between us." the words hurt to say out loud because now he knew for certian that they will never be more than friends. "i would much rather be just your friend than nothing to you at all."

and so they left it at that. jeno's feelings for jaemin were out in the open. jeno never asked questions about that night. he never asked once what jaemin meant by saying he likes him, despite the curiosity that hung like a lump in his throat, threatening to spill everytime they spoke.

but here they were, alone in jeno's room and the time couldn't be more right than now to ask. but he didn't, not until jaemin paused their game and turned to jeno to kiss him. and even though the question never came off his lips, all of them seemed to be answered by the one quick act.

dear diary,

it felt weird to kiss you. not in a bad way, but i never thought the day would come where i got to kiss you. it was a pretty bad kiss, not gonna lie, it was awkward and neither of us knew what to do, but we can always get better at it. tv always makes it look so easy. anyways i hope there are many more kisses in the future because i don't think i could ever get tired of the feeling of your lips.