dear diary↝nomin

05

saturday. june 2
12:30 pm.

jeno dreaded this day. any moment jaemin would call him to come over and he hated it. he agreed to come over after seeing jaemin upset, but he currently couldn't help but to regret his words.

he honestly didn't know why he was nervous. what if renjun really liked jeno and he'd have to turn him down? or what of renjun asked him out? he knew that of that happened, jaemin would know almost instantly, he would have to say yes.

jeno didn't want to lead renjun on but he didn't know how to get out of this without jaemin knowing the truth. perhaps he could just tell renjun what the truth really was, but what if he told jaemin?

an abrupt ringing stopped jeno's panic until he realized who was calling. how great.

6:00 pm

it's not that jeno didn't like renjun, it's just he found himself being captivated by jaemin was much more enjoyable. every little thing jaemin did, like smile at jeno or send a small wink his way everytime that renjun did something slightly flirty, jeno felt his heart flutter. he knew that jaemin's small smiles or winks wasn't really meant to be taken it the way he wanted it to be, but he could dream.

and renjun could see how much jeno loved jaemin. it was sad to see someone so deep in love with a person who wouldn't return the feelings. he wasn't mad that jeno didn't like him, he just felt bad for the boy.

9:00 pm

"jeno, i don't believe i ever got your number." renjun spoke suddenly, catching both boys off guard.

"yeah.. uhh here." he quickly unlocked his phone and handed it to him. great. he thinks i like him.

renjun handed the phone back with a smile that made jaemin cock and eyebrow and turn to jeno, the smirk on his face was more obvious than anyone would like to admit.

jeno smiled back, his heart racing. this was the opposite of what he wanted and now he's stuck with his actions. the thought crossed his mind that maybe renjun wanted to be friends, but the way he smiled made jeno think otherwise.

jeno's phone chimmed soon after, confusing the boy.

new message from: renjun

renjun: can i ask you a question?

jeno: sure, go ahead

maybe jaemin shouldn't have looked over jeno's shoulder to see their messages, but he couldn't contain his excitement.

renjun: i know we just met and this is kinda personal ig so you don't have to answer, but do you like jaemin?

jeno: was it that obvious?
jeno: i thought i could have hid it better, sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.

this is where jaemin stopped reading. he heart stopped and so did his breathing. jeno liked him? but what about renjun? didn't he like him?

and it clicked. the journal was about him. it was never renjun. the panic he saw in jeno's eyes when renjun came over. all of those time jaemin caught him staring or the lingering touches. it was all because jeno liked him.

but he couldn't. jeno knew jaemin didn't like boys. why would jeno fall for someone who wouldn't like him back? that was idiotic.

jaemin's smile dropped as the two next to him continued to text, presumably about him. was he supposed to confront jeno about this? what if his parents knew? god he would be dead if they knew.

sunday. june 3
2:00 am

Renjun had been asleep for hours now, leaving jaemin and jeno by themselves. normally, this wasn't a problem, but jaemin suddenly forgot everything he wanted to say to jeno. all except what he saw hours ago.

they were both trying to sleep, but the tension held both awake. "jeno?" jaemin called out in a whisper only to get a small hum in response. "i saw your texts with renjun." he didn't expect to be so blunt but he didn't know how else to put it.

"is it true? do you really like me?" his voice came out weaker than expected. he turned his head to see jeno staring at the ceiling, nodding his head softly. "so, the journal, it really wasn't about renjun, then?" silence fell between them, no one moved.

"i'm sorry if i ruined things." jeno managed to let out, his voicebarely above a whisper . "i-i didn't know what to do. that whole notebook. everything. it's about you. and you kept asking me about it, so i lied. now you know the truth." his voice trailed off, and he looked at jaemin, "and i just- i just love you so fucking much. i know you could never feel the same but i just couldn't help but fall in love.

"and that notebook was all i had. something that gave me the hope i needed to keep the though alive that you could like me too. it's silly, i know, but it's all i have." jaemin's hand slowly found jeno's, his fingers lacing into his. he listened to everything jeno had said to him, he didn't know what to do. was he supposed to leave? was he supposed to tell him he likes him too?

he likes him too.

he likes him.

na jaemin likes lee jeno.