Second Love to the Right (Neal Cassidy/Baelfire Love Story)

Chapter 25: Listen to Your Heart

I got a call from Emma the next morning stating that we were going to have a small funeral for Neal. I honestly did not want to go. I felt selfish just thinking that but it was the truth. Then again, nothing more could hurt me, not after what happened yesterday. They said it wasn't formal or anything, so I simply just wore a nice black shirt, with a matching pair of pants and shoes. I always found it absolutely amazing how black was used for funerals. It doesn't just represent death. It represents the person's mood. Right now, I felt like I've fallen down into a deep darkness that's inescapable. Before I left, I put on a dark jacket. Then I headed outside towards the cemetery. I looked at the shops as I walked by and it seemed like they were all closed. Everyone must be at the funeral. One thing's for sure, Neal was definitely loved. It wasn't that far of a walk, and I managed to arrive right before the lowering of the casket. I snuck in right behind the usual gang of people. As I did, Emma turned around to acknowledge me. She didn't even have to say anything. We simply just exchanged sad glances. She turns back around to watch the casket, and I decide to do so as well. I almost wish I could've seen the casket open, that way I would've been able to see Neal one more time. Before it was completely lowered into the ground, I snuck a glance at everyone there. A few people were tearing up, a lot of people had their heads hung down, but a majority of the people just had sad faces. I wanted to cry some more, but I think I was still completely dried out from yesterday. As soon as I saw that the casket was completely lowered, it was then time to cover the casket back up with dirt. No one was really sure who wanted to do it first. I definitely didn't want to. Eventually, someone made a move, it wasn't Emma or Henry, but Hook. He walks over to the shovel and collects some dirt onto it, then dumps it in the ground on the casket. Next, it was David's turn. He does the same thing and then hands it to Mary Margaret. It then goes to Regina, then Belle, then Granny, etc. It was then Henry's turn. He takes the shovel and picks up the dirt. He then slowly pours it into the ground. He comes back and hands the shovel to Emma. Before Emma walks up, she turns to look at me with the same sad glance. I look at her the same way, and then motion for her to go. She shakes her head no and hands me the shovel. There was nothing I could do now. I slowly walk over to the pile of dirt and collect some onto the shovel. Before I dump the dirt, I take a pause and look down at the casket covered in dirt. Memories began to flood my head as I did. From the moment Neal and I first met, to our first kiss together, to our final goodbyes. All of them filled my head. As much as I wanted to smile at some of them, I couldn't because I knew they would never happen again. I then dump the dirt onto the casket and slowly walk back with my head down and hand the shovel to Emma. As Emma walks over and collects the dirt, I notice how she also took a pause before dumping the dirt. I couldn't imagine what was going on in her head right now. After a couple of more seconds, she then takes the dirt and throws it in.

There was a memorial luncheon afterwards at Granny's. Everyone else seemed to be going, so I decided to go too. The thing was though, now that Neal was no longer here, I felt awkward and out of place again. When he was here, he made me feel like I belonged here. Now, I just felt like that outsider girl no one liked. When I walked in, I simply just took one of the booths and sat there all by myself. It wasn't just the fact that I felt out of place again, I honestly just didn't feel like talking to anyone. The only person I talked to was the waitress when she asked if I'd like anything to drink. As much as I wanted alcohol, I decided against it. It wouldn't help numb the pain, it would just help with an even bigger headache than the one I had now. Pretty much the entire time I was there, I just stared up ahead at the opposite booth, expecting him to just come in and sit down any time now. Alas, it never happened. It never will happen. Before I knew it someone called my name. I didn't look up at who it was, but I didn't need to. I recognized the voice as Emma's. When I didn't answer, she simply just sat down next to me in the booth.