You Don't Have Me

Chapter 1

You sighed, your head hitting the back of the seat rest gently, your eyelids crashing down over your eyes. Thousands of thoughts raced your mind, but there was one coming out the brightest clarity. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

It always started out the same, Tyler texting you after a big game begging you to come over or before a big trip asking you to tag along when his first choice in female companionship cancelled, usually because of something he either said or did. The worst part was though that you always went, the second he called. You had dropped everything to go meet Tyler more times than you could count. The two of you had been really great friends since he played in Boston. And, although you would never tell him this, you were in love with him and you always had secretly thought that he felt the same, that he was just a typical guy being sacred and shit, not saying anything to you about it for all of these years.

But, sitting here in his driveway at 12:36 a.m. on a Wednesday, you realized what you were to him. You were convenient. That's all you were and frankly, all you ever would be.

So you decided that tonight was the last night. The last night you come over, and you were going to tell him that. Begrudgingly, you stepped out of your car and walked up to his door. Tyler opened it before you could even start knocking. "Hey, I was wondering why you were just sitting in your car." He scoffed, his trio of labs running up to you. You would miss them probably the most. Tyler had always joked that you were "basically like their Mom," and although he protested adamantly, you knew they liked you better than him.

Fuck. Why did he have to look like that? You should of expected it, as it was how he always looked after a game. Usually, you enjoyed the view, but tonight it was almost painful knowing it would be the last time you would see him like this. His hair, perfectly messy, laced with water and sweat from his postgame shower while his chilled abs were barely concealed with a sweatshirt that he refused to zip up. Which, was placed atop a pair of low hanging gym shorts, that had seen better days.

"Just thinking." You lightly smiled.

"Everything alright?" His left eyebrow sliding up as he asked, steeping aside, letting you into his massive foyer. You quickly nodding, trying to delay the inevitable.

"What's on your face?" You asked, noticing the mark just under his eye.

"Oh." He said, gesturing up to his eye. "I got hit by a high stick, didn't even fucking call a penalty for it, can you believe it?

"Have you been icing it?"

"I'm okay, Mom." The way he annunciated the last word made your stomach turn, just another reminder of the state of your relationship. You crossed you arms, giving him a look telling him how serious you were.

"No." He clarified. "I haven't, yet."

You exhaled walking past him into his beautiful, large kitchen, which was a waste on the man who could only cook a grilled cheese sandwich. Opening the freezer door, you took out an ice pack.

"Tyler, you have to take care of yourself."

"Why, when I have you." He smiled, which instantly faded when he saw the look on your face.

"You don't have me." You whispered.

"Okay, (Y/N), seriously what is going on?"

You shook your head. Damn, this was harder than you thought.

"Talk to me!" Tyler practically yelled at you. "You can talk to me about anything, you know that." He said, more calmly after noticing you jump at his last comment.

"It's nothing." You said, recrossing your arms, the ice pack still being held in your right hand.

"Well, if its nothing then you can tell me." Tyler encouraged, still trying to get you to open up. Walking over to where you were standing.

You smiled, trying to convey how okay you really were, even though it was a lie. All of it was a lie. "Ty, seriously I'm okay. C'mon, let's go get some ice on that eye before you get a nasty shiner." You laughed, as you led him to the couch.

"Your ruining my plan." He called after you, a smile plastered on his face, following you to the couch. Seamlessly, he laid his head on your lap, like it was meant to be there. As you clicked on the TV, the two of you fell into a comfortable silence, not feeling the need to say anything. Mindlessly, you found yourself running your fingers through your hair as you gently rested the ice to Tyler's eye.

"Thank you." He said, a particular seriousness lingering in his tone. You paused for a second, knowing that if you were going say anything, this was your chance.

"You can't expect me to keep chasing after you." You whispered, choking back the tears you could feel forming in your eyes, you hand leaving his long brown locks. "It's not fair."

His big brown eyes, the ones you had always loved, grew sad as he hesitated in looking up at you, knowing once he did the finality would sink in. Tyler finally acknowledged it though, mumbling under his breath, "I know."