You Don't Have Me

Chapter 15

You sighed before you got up off of him. As you moved to sit down, he sat up giving you room.

"I want to." You said. "So bad." His eyes which were watching his hands as they nervously played with each other, looked up to you. But you, were also staring down at your lap, unable to face the man in front of you. "Just not like this." You whispered.

"I-I" He paused. "For this to keep going, I need to hear you say it."

"But you know I do. I always have." You let out a single light laugh as you exhaled.

"Then why is it so hard to say?" He asked, seriously. You shrugged.

"I wanted it to be perfect."

"What if it never is." He started, growing more frustrated. "Were you just never going to tell me that you love me?"

"I don't know." You sighed, tak
ing your head in your hands. "This has all just been too much."

Tyler looked at you, waiting. He had no answer to what you had just said. Yes, it had been complicated. Yes, it had been messy. But, love was complicated and messy, especially with the right person. Right?

"Maybe we shouldn't be together." You whispered.

"You're breaking up with me?" He asked incredulously, his voice raising.

"I don't know where to go from here!" You screamed. "Maybe you should just go to Toronto and we can take a break and reevaluate before I'm supposed to come and visit you." You trailed off, nervously anticipating his reaction.

"We're either together or we're not." He said.

"Well, then I guess we're not." You grabbed your purse off the floor, before getting off the couch and walking to the front door.

"(Y/N)." Tyler called, and you paused. Deciding wether or not you should turn around, but you hand, resting on the door knob, gripped it and opened the door, not looking back.

You had managed to pull yourself together through the ride home and even when you were getting ready to go to bed, but once you glanced into your bedroom and saw an old t-shirt of his laying on your bed, you full on lost it. Your whole body erupted with sobs as you leapt onto your fluffy white duvet snatching the t-shirt and pulling it tightly to your chest. You grabbed your phone, charging on your nightstand, and texted Anna, telling her that it was an emergency and that you needed her.

She had expected to walk into something bad but she hadn't expected that it would be this bad. You were sobbing so hard you couldn't even see, the t-shirt you had been clutching was now drenched. There was snot in your hair, and your head was pounding.

"(Y/N), what's wrong?" She said, wrapping her arms around you. "What happened?"

"T-Tyler sa-said he l-l-loves me." You cried. "But I didn't s-say it back." You sniffled as you wiped your face with the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

"Why didn't you say it back?" Her arm coming up to rub your back, lightly. "It's not like you don't love him."

"I don't know!" You screamed, and she instantly backed up from you. "My head just hurts so bad." You said, changing the subject.

"Do you want some water?" She asked, and you nodded. As she got up she stuck her hand out looking at you to hand her the t-shirt you were holding. She knew it was his.

"It's for your own good." She said. Reluctantly, you gave it over to her, and with that your sobs started back up again.

As she walked back up the stairs, the glass of water in her hand seeing you still sobbing, she decided that she had had enough. "Literally I hate to be this person but get over it." She said walking into the room. You were stunned, taken aback. "The two of you dated for a fucking week. You know how you feel about him and you chose not to say it. Nobody did this to you but yourself." You were silent, your eyes began to dry, and her brashness overcame you.

"I'm sorry, and I hate to be this person, really. But the two of you are both so stubborn you guys will work it out, I know you will." She said, her tone softening, as a hand came to your shoulder. "You just needed to figure out what you want."

Yeah, and what the fuck did you want?

You didn't talk to Tyler for the next few days. You knew he had gone to Toronto because you had looked at his instagram on your friends phone. You figured he would let you know that he had gotten there safely, but he never did. Which, stung. You had moved back and forth between regretting that you hadn't told him that you loved him and then at other times you were thankful, especially if this would how the two of you would end. And after the, psychological, smack in the face from your sister you were doing okay. Mainly, trying to figure out what you wanted, which was taking some time.

Unfortunately, so was he.

Jumping any the sound of your phone ringing, you grabbed it, looking to see who could possibly be calling you at two-thirty in the morning. You should have just let it ring.

"Hello?" You answered, the sleep still imminent in your voice.

"Baby." He said, and instantly, your head hit the pillow as you sighed. Fuck.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. I miss you." He slurred. You couldn't tell if he was at a party, or a club, or his house. But, it was clear he was hurrying off to some place, but you couldn't figure out where he was going.

"Tyler?" You said as you sat up in bed. "Are you drunk? Where are you?" As you asked, you could hear a door shut and muffled music, along with the faint sound of Tyler's crying.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left."

"Tyler, where are you right now? Who's with you?" You asked, this time more clarity present in your voice, because you knew that there would be no positive ending to this conversation right now.

"I-I." He started. "This was a mistake." He mumbled.

"What?" You were trying to decipher his slurred mumbles. "What was a mistake?"

"Everything!" He said louder. "Why couldn't you just say that you love me, huh?" You were frozen as you listened to his voice, as it grew angrier and angrier. "Why! I want a fucking reason." He said.

You had never seen this side of Tyler, especially when he was drunk. Usually drunk Tyler was happy, over-affectionate- even silly. He wasn't angry. Ever. And, honestly, it scared you.

"Tyler, I really think we should talk later, maybe in the m-" You started, trying to stay calm.

"No, I don't want to talk to you. Not now, not e-"

"Then why did you call me?" You interrupted.

"Because I love you and I miss you!" He yelled. "I-i don't know what to do because I fucking l-" You heard another voice yelling, but you couldn't figure out what they were saying before the line went dead, along with any hope of you getting a good nights sleep.