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Non-Fiction

Essentially my thoughst put down to clear out my head a bit WARNINGS FOR TRIGGERS OF: SUICIDE, SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, AND RELATED A work in progress until I die. Which could be whenever? Meh

#antiselfharm #antisuicide #deadinside #depression #idk #idkanymore #idkman #idkwhatelse #idkwhatimdoing #mature #meh #notforimmatureaudiences #relatable #selfhelp #selfhurt #selfinjury #suicidal

I don't know what to title this

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by GhostKingSeaweedWise

by GhostKingSeaweedWise

I use music to hide. It hurts usually, but sometimes it helps me. I am FOBsessed. I also love Linkin Park and Skillet. And Imagine Dragons.

I know this is probably just gonna be something buried in time. I mean, there is nothing I can do. I can't be fixed.

I am just too far gone. They tried meds for the Aspergers, and I quit that at 5th grade. They say I'm better, but I'm not. I am constantly. I don't know. How does anyone express feelings? Are we real? Is this just a sort of virtual reality that we can feel and sense in? I think too much.

Half of the time, I am angry and frustrated at myself for my lack of control, half the time, I am thinking of how to die, and the last half is dedicated to music. I know that is 3/2. It shows how much I think. Even now, I am listening to L.A. Devotee by P!ATD as I write and think of how it would feel to slit my wrists.

I know the best ways to die. Burning would be the worst. I think poisoning myself would be interesting. Drowning would be impossible. I can't sink. Besides, I never swim anywhere there isn't someone who will try to bring me back. Wrist slitting would hurt, and I think I am too weak to do that option. Pills would be best. I think of that one the most.

This isn't giving you options. I can tell you that you are probably worse off than me, but you can at least be fixed. You probably want to be fixed. I don't. I am worried about what would happen if someone tried. It has been too long. I can't even remember a day when I haven't thought of dying in the past three years.

The only thing keeping me going is the things to look forward to. A family trip, first day of high school. I decided months ago that I would only let myself die when I had nothing to look forward too. That, or if it got impossible to continue. I could only decide that halfway through freshman year.

This is short, but I fear I will be caught. The last chapter was longer than usual, too. Goodbye. Until tomorrow.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tOkdSj8Iz0I