Personal | magcon

nine

“Dad!” I yelled through my house as I walked in.

“You’re home!” He said stepping out of the kitchen.

I dropped my bags and hugged him.

“I missed you.” I smiled as we moved from side to side.

“I missed you too.” He said.

We pulled back and I smiled.

“I’m going to bring my stuff upstairs.” I said.

“Alright.” He said. “If you want to have some friends over I’ll order whatever you want.”

“I’ll talk to the guys.” I smiled. I turned and grabbed my things.

I walked up the stairs and walked down the hall to my room. I dropped my things and walked walking back downstairs but I stopped in front of Sarah’s old room. The door was shut but the S remained on the door.

I touched the handle and pushed it open. I stepped in and saw her room exactly like she had left it. The bed was made but clothes were thrown all over the place. Her textbooks were stacked on her desk. Her closet doors were open and she had stuff neatly stacked and hung up.

I stepped in and looked at her wall that had pictures hung up. Most of them were of her, Aaron and I. There were some baby pictures of us. I saw some of our parents and her friends. There was one of her and I, we were smiling big at one of my lacrosse games. I pulled it off with the tape.

I thought about taking it to my room but I stuck it back on the wall. I went over and sat on her bed. I pulled open the nightstand and saw a stack of more pictures. I flipped through them and saw one of Aaron and Sarah kissing. I ran my finger over it and smiled. I flipped through some more picture, most of them were of the two.

“Ellie?” I heard from the doorway.

I looked over and saw Aaron.

“Hey.” I said.

“You’re in her room.” He said and stepped in. He sat next to me on the bed.

“Were the two of you together?” I asked.

“What?”

I showed him all the pictures.

“No.” He said. “We were, secretly, when these pictures were taken. But she didn’t feel like it was fair to you.”

“I would have supported you guys.” I said.

“I tried to tell her that we should at least run the idea by you but she refused and broke up with me.”

“When?”

“Two days before it happened.”

The breath caught in my throat, “was I the reason she killed herself?”

A tear ran down my face as he looked at me.

“No way.” He said.

“How are you so sure?” I asked. “She didn’t even leave a note.”

“Maybe not on her body or in plain sight, but what if it’s in the room?” He asked. “You guys never did go through her things.”

“She deserves her privacy.” I said.

“It’d never hurt to look.” He said.

“You get the desk and nightstands.” I said. “I’ll check her closet.”

He nodded and stood. I sat the pictures down and went over to the closet. I pulled the small boxes from the top. I went through them, not finding anything. I looked through the stacks of clothes. I even checked her shoes.