Haunting Shadows (Book 2)

Chapter 44

I felt numb as I climbed the stairs that led to my old room. It felt like an eternity ago when I last walked these halls, now more than ever. The argument with Andreas left me hollow. It took every ounce of my will power not to run to him and pretend like everything was okay, that nothing had happened, that the obvious rift between us didn’t exist. But I couldn’t give in. I had to prove to myself I was stronger and no matter how much I wanted him, I wasn’t going to put myself into a position to get hurt again. Enough was enough. This was a step in the right direction for me.

Then why was I feeling like I had just caused irreparable damage?

I opened the door, my eyes widening as I took in the room. Not a single thing had been moved since the last time I was in here. Even the bed was still unmade. I headed to the tub, in desperate need for a long, hot bath – anything that could soothe the growing ache inside me.

It hurt to realize how easily Andreas moved on from me. But I could understand it. If I were a guy I’d go for Leita as well. She had a kind of beauty about her that no one could resist. I never stood a chance.

As the water filled into the tub, I heard a soft knock on my door. I went over to open it, gazing longingly back to the tub. Only two people other than Andreas knew this was my room. Sure enough, when I opened the door, I found Izzy standing there. I motioned for her to come in and closed the door behind her. I walked over to the tub, sighing as I closed the water, knowing my bath will have to wait. I needed to talk to Izzy, most of all to find out why she was here.

“Hey you, how have you been doing?” I asked as I joined her on the bed. She smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced.

“I’ve been better, but I’m holding up.” Her legs swung from the edge of the bed, and I could tell there was something on her mind.

“What happened? Why are you here and not with you mother?”

She bit her bottom lip and her cheeks flushed with color as tears filled her eyes. “My mother died a couple of days ago. Elijah… he… he lost it and I ran away. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. Andreas was kind enough to let me stay here… indefinitely.”

I quickly pulled her in my arms, trying to comfort her. “Oh, Izzy, I’m so sorry.” Part of me still wondered at how kind and gentle Andreas always was around her. He opened his home to her without a second thought and always regards her with the utmost sincerity and patience. What about her had elicited that change in him when he was cold to everyone else?

She pulled away. “It’s okay, really. She had been sick for a while and we all knew it was coming. It’s just been difficult… because of my brother…. I didn’t want to tell Andreas just how much he has lost it because no matter what he does, he’s still my brother and I don’t want him to die. I believe he can still be helped….” Her eyes told a different story. Deep down she believed her brother was a lost cause, but I understood her need to defend him. Even when your family turns their back on you, you can’t bring yourself to hate them.

“And then… then I find out you were dead, and I was just so happy to see you earlier. I’m sorry for just barging in… but I thought you were dead, and I missed you so much.” This time she threw her arms around me again. I was frozen in place, again warmed by the amount of affection she was showing to me.

“I’m so sorry, Izzy. If I had had any way to contact you, I would’ve. You didn’t need to worry about me.”

Izzy shook her head. “I was more worried about Andreas. You should’ve seen the way he reacted every time I tried to talk about you. He never told me what happened… I think he wanted to spare me because my mother just died, but I figured it out. Don’t be too hard on him, he’s missed you more than you can probably tell.”

I gave a weak laugh. “Izzy, things between Andreas and I are more complicated than that…. There are things I can’t forgive him for… things you are too young to understand.”

“But he doesn’t even like Leita, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“It’s not just Leita. There is too much… bad blood between us.”

“I don’t understand. He likes you, you like him. Why can’t you just be together?”

I envied her innocence. I wished to be that young again, to believe in romance the way she clearly still did. “It’s not that simple, Izzy. I really wish it was. But sometimes what we feel isn’t enough.”

“He really does care about you, Lana.”

“I don’t know that for sure, and I’m not willing to take that risk again. He’s broken my trust too many times.”

Izzy shook her head at me. “It really is that simple, Lana. It’s the two of you that’s making it more difficult than it should be.”

I had to admire her bluntness. “I’m not going to have this argument with you too.”

Izzy sprung from the bed, her eyes wide. “So you told him that you two can’t be together? Why would you do that?”

I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes in frustration. “Izzy, I’m not going to have this discussion with you. You are too young to understand everything that has happened. You can’t possibly know everything he’s put me through, or even how many chances I’ve given him. I’m not simply going to forgive him every time he messes up. That creates a pattern that will only allow him to think he can get away with everything. He needs to know he can’t.”

She shook her head at me. “You have no idea how much you’ve hurt him.”

I bit my bottom lip as I stared at the ceiling. “Yes, his feelings are the only ones that matter. Mine mean absolutely nothing.” I got up from my bed and walked over to the door, holding it open for her. “I’m quite tired now, Izzy, I would like to get some rest.”

She nodded and left the room, calling good night over her shoulder. I closed the door and returned to my bath, needing it now more than ever. Living in this house with Andreas again was going to be everything but easy. I told myself that it wouldn’t be for too long and that I had somewhere else to go now. My father’s house was now open to me, and I could go to him whenever things got too much. I squashed down the voice that said that I didn’t really want to leave, that no matter what Andreas did to me, I still wanted to be near him. Because as much as I hated him, I loved him also. And that was never a good position to be in.

I climbed into the tub, not wishing for the first time for the waters to wash away my troubling thoughts. But as always, my thoughts kept drifting back to the same place. I splashed water in my face, effectively, even for just a couple of minutes, clearing my mind of all the pain.