How Far Are You Willing to Go?

Chapter 5- You can't do this

RYAN DAMN IT WHAT DID YOU DO? WAKE UP! What am I doing, he can’t hear me somebody please help. I’m freaking out how am I supposed to help him? I’m dead I can’t go get his mom.

“James…?” A breathless voice mumbles questioningly.

“…Ry-?”

“How? You’re dead, how am I seeing you? This doesn- Wait am I..?” Ryan contemplates.

“Are you?” I said softly.

“James, I…” He laughed. “This means that you and I can see each other.”

“Ryan you took a bunch of pills and now you’re seeing dead people, this is not a good thing. We need to fix this.”

“Fix this? James I-“ He sighed. “I haven’t seen you in years, and when you died I-“

“I know,” I looked down. “I heard you talking to Jay.” I thought I heard a faint Oh before I began to speak again. “He seems like a good guy, close friend of yours?”

“How long have you been death stalking me?”

“Well you always were blunt, even as a 6 year old.” I laughed awkwardly. Ryan didn’t seem amused. “Um about 6 months…Now that I’ve told you my time period, how long have you been depressed?”

“About 6 months…being here, moving here I just never really adjusted. When I found out what happened to you, it just kind of set everything off. The last part of who I am was gone and I hadn’t even talked to him in like a decade.” I stood there frozen just staring at him when suddenly he leaned in and kissed me, faintly whispering my name.

“Ryan what are you doing?”

“James I-“

“No, you can’t do this.” I said a little too sternly. Ryan retreated to the edge of his bed.

“I’m sorry I uh, I just thought.”

“You thought right Ryan, I…I’m just gonna say this. I’ve been in love with you from the very first moment I saw you. Yeah I know we were like 2 seconds old but I just felt this connection to you. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.” He finally looked up at me smiling sweetly.

“Then there’s nothing to worry about because I feel the same way.” I sighed loudly. “I love you James, don’t you love me back?”

“Of course I do Ryan! That’s why you can’t do this.” My voice turned to a whisper, like I was gasping for air. “I love you so much that I can’t bear to watch you do this to yourself, you can’t just kill yourself Ryan. You have a life you have parents you have friends. Ryan you have a Todd, I can’t just let you leave that all behind. I’m sorry…Ryan?”

***Ryan’s POV***

“Ryan honey, are you awake? Can you speak?” I heard my mom as she slowly came into view.

“Wa-water.” Was all I could manage to get out. The nurse ran to bring a cup of water towards me, when I went to grab it I realized I was chained to the bed. “What the hell? Why am I?”

“Ryan you overdosed on sleeping pills, you tried to kill yourself. How can you not expect to be chained to this bed right now?” I didn’t bother to reply, I just simply looked down and sighed taking the fluorescent green straw into my mouth.

I’m so confused, when did I get here? Did I get revived or did I never actually die? James…did I really see him or was I just hallucinating? Ahh this is hurting my brain.  

“Ryan what the hell were you thinking?” Todd walked in practically yelling.

“Ow.”

“Todd that’s not what we’re here for, Ry are you okay?” Jay questioned sounding like a whisper compared to Todd.

“I’m fine, um mom why don’t you go and get some food.” I said softly, she simply looked at the boys and walked away.

“Okay but seriously what were you thinking? What could’ve possibly be going through your head that you could be as stupid as to do something like that?” Todd bluntly asked.

“Well Todd there’s a list of things and right at the top of it is my dead bestfriend that I’m fucking hopelessly in love with! Oh did I mention that I’m gay? Butt fuck loving gay, and the thought of another girl shoving her tongue down my throat makes me want to choke on my own vomit.” I replied forcefully. Jay simply shook his head bringing his hand to his temple to rub away the shooting pain in his brain. Todd stood speechless unable to say anything.

Jay was the first to break the unbearable silence. “Look guys we’re all friends here there’s no need for fighting or screaming. Let’s all just be nice and breathe and be happy we’re all here.”

“Ryan I’m not sure what you want me to say? Man you’re one of my closest friends and you tried to take your own life. As for the gay thing, all I can say is why didn’t you tell me? Chicks dig it when you’re friends with a gay guy.”

“I’m sorry.” I said sincerely “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, it was uncalled for.” Todd simply nodded smiling gently. “There’s something I need to tell you guys, it’s um kind of weird.” Jay raised a brow but nodded for me to keep going. “While I was out I saw something, I mean someone. It was James, he was in the room with me flesh and blood he talked to me and everything. It felt so real I mean I even kissed him. I felt the warmth in his touch, and it wasn’t like a fantasy he was as awkward and stumbly as usual. Is it possible that I really saw him?”

“I mean I’m no medium I’m just Todd but it sounds like you did, Jay what do you think?”

“I think it sounds like we have some research to do.” With that the boys were saying goodbye with promises to visit me as much as they could even after they released me. They left with a quest to figure out what really happened while I was out.