How Far Are You Willing to Go?

Chapter 10-Am I Not Allowed Peace?

I stopped dead in my tracks, I couldn't bring myself to turn around. Maybe if I ignore it it'll disappear. It's not real right? He couldn't have done it that close to each other, plus Jay and Todd were right there. Unless...Oh God did you actually die in your sleep? I was pulled from my mid-death crisis by the soft touch of hid hand on my shoulder. I had no choice but to turn around. "Ryan, are you okay? What happened? Did something go wrong?" I tried to hide the fear in my voice but I failed. For a minute he didn't speak, I don't even think he breathed. He just sat there gazing into my eyes as my mind raced as all the possibilities of this happening were bad. It all stopped once he smiled though, that was when I stopped breathing. I guess it's a good thing I'm dead already because that smile would've killed me.

"I'm here James, that's all that matters." I tried to speak but he placed his finger over my lip. "Please don't. Please don't take this from me." 

"I wish I didn't have to Ryan, but I cannot let you stay here. Something isn't right. You can't be here, not again, at least not so soon." I tried to put my thoughts into words but I couldn't. I felt so helpless, it was like I knew nothing. Suddenly I was back to this scared ghost that couldn't let go. All it took to hook me was his smile. What am I supposed to do now? Am I not allowed peace?

A tear slid down his pale cheeks as his voice shook. "Why are you so adamant on keeping me alive? Why can't you just let me be with you? You talk about my friends, you tell me they love me and that's all true. But James, I-" Tears began to glide down his face like a never ending river. "I'm nothing without you. For years James I sat here being nothing, I never understood why. That is, until I heard about the accident. As soon as I did I knew, I knew why I was so fucked up, so broken. Why I still am. James I need you, you made me something and I need that."

"You can't rely on me! You can't put this on me. You can't die for me Ryan, I won't let you."

"Damn it James! Don't you see? It's not for you...It's for me."

Silence broke out neither of us knowing what to do. I'm too afraid to ask how he's here, what if I can't fix it this time? "Ry-" I immediately stopped when I saw the fear in his eyes.

"No, it's too soon. Please no, let me stay." Before I could even asked I heard what he was hearing. It was the faint rhythm of a hospital monitor. I ran to him leaning in as much as I could. I have to be fast, I don't have time to waste. 

The faint whisper "If you truly love me, let me let you go." With that I felt him leave my arms. This time it was different, he didn't just disappear from them, he was stolen.