How Far Are You Willing to Go?

Chapter 9- Decisions decisions

Why am I still sitting here? It's been an hour since they revived him but yet I'm still sitting in this rickety old bed in this abandoned house. Why can't I just walk away from him? We made our peace but here I am still next to him as he recovers without knowing I'm here. I just can't let go. Am I just supposed to leave him, pass on? They said I was in Purgatory because I had unfinished business, was Ryan not my unfinished business?

"How you doing there Ry." Todd pulled me out of my thoughts. Ryan didn't reply. Todd and Jay exchanged looks as Jay walked over to take Ryan's pulse.

"It's a little weak you should eat." He handed Ryan a water bottle and a little cake. "You need to keep your energy up and I read sugar helps." All they could manage to get out of him was a mumbled thanks.

Todd walked to the bed "Ryan do you need to go to the hospital? I know they'll put you on watch again but that's better than dying."

"No, it's not." Ryan looked up at him briefly. "Besides I feel okay, I'm just a little tired the foods helping."

"So it's James then." Jay interjected and Ryan Just nodded.

"I walked into this knowing exactly what I wanted out of it. I just never really got the gravity of the fact that I would be saying goodbye. I thought I did but once I got in there and I saw him my heart just dropped and it was like I was being suffocated. All I could do was gasp for air but nothing helped, I was just stuck standing there for a minute. I never felt that before. I had to say goodbye to the one person I never wanted to lose." He took a shallow shaky breathe.  "Everything that happened was just really hard."

"I'm sorry Ry, but at least you got to see him. You two know how you feel now. You know that you got to feel that great love in your life. Despite the impossible you got to be with him one last time." Todd tried to be reassuring. Ryan just nodded.

"He made me promise him. That I wouldn't do it again that is."

What else was I supposed to do? Just let you kill yourself over and over again until you died forever? I could never see you torture yourself like that.

"At least someone around here listens to me." Jay cracked and they all laughed.

"What do you say we go home and watch a movie? Its creepy here, I don't think I can sit here any longer and I don't think the two of you can either." Todd suggested. Ryan and Jay exchanged looks before nodding and packing everything up and heading out to the car.

I followed not knowing where else to go. I'm still stuck and I don't know why. Maybe it's my parents, but I doubt they'll die for a full five minutes and realize they can talk to me. How would I ever talk to them? Besides they had the funeral and they seem to have finally accepted that I'm gone, it can't be them. What the hell is holding me here?

I have to leave Ryan, I have to figure this out. I'll go home, something has to be there. I looked over to see Ryan laying asleep on his bed with his two bestfriends watching a movie. I gently kissed his forehead whispering a soft I love you and with that I was off. I know he'll be taken care of, they all love him. When I got home I saw my father sitting in his office on his computer, he was looking over his work still drinking coffee in the middle of the afternoon. No wonder I drank so much coffee, I got it from him. I found my mother in her sewing room carefully constructing what looked like a baby hat. That was when I saw it, right next to the picture of me missing my front teeth that had been on her table for ages was a picture of an ultrasound, they're having a baby. This is good, they need this. Hopefully the little one will be less awkward than I was.

Boof. Jack! My beautiful black and white blue-eyed husky ran up to me tail wagging vigorously. Wait are you telling me animals really do see dead people? My parents heard him and came to the kitchen.

"Jack what's got you so happy buddy? Tail wagging and you're doing your ear scratch face." My dad bent down to reach petting level.

"Johnathan, you don't think?" My mother gasped.

"Do you really think it's possible? I know they say they can see them but do you really think it's him?"

My mother nodded. "James honey, is that you?" I started to rub Jack's belly so they could tell I was there. Both of my parent's eyes went wide with a mix of emotions. "Oh sweety, we're so glad you're here. We love you so much. We miss you." Tears began to come down my mother's face I gently wiped them away. My mother brought her hand to her face. "Johnathan!" My father simply held her close to him.

"The first thing you do when you come home is pet your dog, why am I not surprised?" He chuckled. "James buddy we love you and we hope that you're okay." I used my newfound ability to touch his arm, he had the same reaction as my mother. They told me about the baby and said over and over how much they loved me until they said their goodbyes telling me that they would never let me go. I joined in the group hug they were having and with that I left.

I walked up to a door and opened it to see familiar blue walls littered with pictures of my dog. It's been a while since I've been in my room, it's the exact same as when I left it. Crazily messy and completely blue. All I could do was laugh sitting on my bed. That was when I saw it, I looked outside the window and there was the shed. That beat up red shed that sat in my backyard from the first day we moved here. The place I retreated to whenever things became too much. That shed was the place I took Ryan the first day of 3rd grade, kids at school were torturing him. Kids were cruel, they still are.  I walked down the wooden stairs and out the back door to the shed.

Once I was inside a load of memories came back. All of the drawings and the laughs that happened here. I remembered Ryan and I begging my father to take a break to play hide and seek. That was after he begged me to play it. He loved that game but to this day I still hate it. I should've played it more often though, for him.

Ryan was right, this should've been where it all happened. Our first kiss, our first time, our first everything should've happened here, but it didn't. He moved and I stayed here, neither of us ever moving on. I just hope that now that I'm gone he'll let go, and for him to do that I have to let him go. Realizing that I can makes me feel so peaceful. I'm scared shitless but I think I get it now. I can let go, I don't have to hold onto them anymore. My parents, Ryan, my dog they're all gonna be okay without me. I never believed in all of this crap. The whole unfinished business and once it's done you 'move on.' Where do you move on to? Is there more than just a black abyss waiting for me?

I guess I'll have to find out. For once in my life it seems to have fallen into the right place. Despite dying at sixteen after a long life of being a socially awkward teenager I actually had a pretty good life. I had parents that loved me, a guy in love with me, and a dog. What else could a guy need? I can do this... 

Oh who am I kidding I'm a dead man babbling to himself because he's too afraid to completely let go.

I looked down before my gaze snapped towards what was appearing in front of me. Oh my God, it's actually a light. I'm legitimately walking into the light. Screw everything I've said, it's all real. Purgatory, the light, moving on, dogs seeing dead people. Wait does that mean if I had a parrot I could say something to it repeatedly until it repeated it to the person I wanted to talk to? I guess you could call that a death hack. Ha I'm funny...sometimes. I breathe in and start to walk towards the light never breathing out until I'm standing in front of it. I breathe out and get ready to move spreading my arms out wide.

"James?"