Forever Strong (Book 7 in Nemi Forever Series)

Chapter 25

Nick

Demi was a little freaked out when Mercy ran from the room, declaring she wanted to die. I was as well, but I tried to remain calm for Demi. We sent the boys to play outside in the backyard, while Demi & I went to find Mercy. She was on her bed, sobbing. I was terrified, quite honestly. I didn't know how to handle this kind of drama. I didn't have sisters growing up. Not even my mom was this emotional. Demi was the most emotional person I had ever encountered, but even all that I dealt with concerning her, it didn't prepare me for dealing with my daughter's dramatic outburst. I prayed she didn't really mean she wanted to die. I prayed it was just a dramatic figure of speech.

Demi sat on the bed & put her hand on Mercy's back. "Mercy? Sweetie? Why would you say that you wanted to die?" Demi was trying to keep her voice steady. "Sweetheart, please talk to me."

Mercy continued sobbing, but she lifted her head a little. "I don't deserve to live. It's all my fault."

I took a few deep breaths, hoping Demi could get to the bottom of this. This was not my area. I never had these thoughts, ever in my life. I never thought I didn't deserve life. I never thought about death, except when I was first diagnosed with Diabetes & thought I might die. Demi looked up at me, tears in her eyes. I reached over to touch Demi's hair & give her a look that said I trusted whatever she wanted to do right now.

"Mercy? Can you please sit up & look at me?" Demi asked.

Mercy sobbed for a few more moments, then sat up, still blubbering as she tried to calm down. Demi kept rubbing her back, then scooted so she was closer to her, finally putting her arm around her & trying to cuddle her. "Mommy...." she breathed. "I'm sorry." She threw her arms around Demi & started sobbing again. Demi looked up at me & shrugged her shoulders.

"What are you sorry for, baby?" I asked as I sat on the bed on the other side of Mercy. She didn't pull away from Demi, but she sobbed harder.

Demi & I sat there letting her sob for several minutes, waiting, patiently, until her crying slowed down. Demi wrapped both arms around Mercy & kissed the top of her head. "You know something? When I was a little bit younger than you, I felt so sad that I thought I wanted to die. I didn't know, though, that everything was temporary. Nothing is bad forever & everything does get better. I am so glad I didn't give up on trying to make my life better because then I would never have gotten to be your mommy."

I felt a lump in my throat now, so I looked at the floor. I was trying not to think about all the times Demi had thought about taking her own life. I didn't want to think about the things she went through as a child and as an young adult that made her think she wasn't worth living. I didn't want that for Mercy. I know Demi didn't want it either. I just wanted Mercy to tell us what was wrong. I reached out to run my hand over Mercy's hair, hoping she could feel how much we loved her right now. Mercy sat up, finally, rubbing at her tears. She looked up at Demi, her chin quivering a little. "Do you and Daddy hate me?" She asked & I felt my heart stop for a second, so I closed my eyes.

"Oh my God, Mercedes. No, we don't hate you. Daddy & I can never hate you. It's not possible. Parents love their kids no matter what. Why do you think we would hate you?" Demi asked.

Mercy sniffed a few times. "Because it's my fault."

Demi caressed Mercy's cheek, softly. "What's your fault?"

"I saw the video." Mercy whined.

Demi looked at me & I shook my head, not having any clue what video she was talking about. "Sweetie, what video did you see?"

"I didn't want a baby sister. That's why Delaney died. God answered my prayers. I saw the video of when we told Daddy that you were gonna have Delaney. I was mean & didn't want to share Daddy."