a few months later
chloe's pov
"everything's okay." I told myself. i went inside and i sat down.
"hello, Chloe." the therapist said. "how's your day?"
"um fine i guess." I shrugged it off. "does it matter."
i've changed. i wasn't as soft as i was months ago.
"so we're gonna do a recap of everything." she said.
"okay.."
"so your father killed himself a couple of months ago."
"correct.."
"and your mom got into prostitution. then she turned insane from doing drugs and did the same as your father." she continued.
"yes."
"then your brother got depressed and afterwards he joined a gang."
"yeah.."
"then he turned into a rapist and began doing it to the girls he brought over to his house."
"right."
"then-" she paused. she looked at me.
"you can say it." I said.
"he- he did it to you when you visited him to talk about his problems."
"y-yes."
"your best friend became a stripper, and started doing sexual and illegal activities with many boys."
"yeah."
"then you started doing drugs and smoking."
"right."
"then you went down the same path as your friend.."
"correct."
"your baby didn't make it."
"mhm."
"so did i uh- forget anything?"
"i don't know-"
"oh, you and your boyfriend broke up." she said. "thats what happened before everything."
"yeah, but how is this helping?"
"its not." she assured me. "i'm just repeating everything."
"okay... whats the point of that.."
"we're seeing how you could get through this without doing bad things. also, Chloe, the truth is- you can't. you're making everything worse for yourself when doing things like this."
"you don't know what its like." I said.
"how do you know that?" she raised an eyebrow.
"so what.. you broke up with your boyfriend, then your parents both killed themselves, your bother turned into a rapist and raped you and a bunch of girls, your friend turned into a slut, and then you started doing drugs and you turned into a slut yourself?"
"thats not what I'm saying."
"exactly."
"okay let's start from the beginning.." she said. "you and your boyfriend were having problems before the breakup I'm assuming, correct?"
"i don't really wanna talk about it."
"i know it must've been rough, but we have to."
"fine. and yes we did."
"how did the problems start?"
"um.. i started hiding things from him i guess."
"what kind of things?"
"thats personal."
"look, i'm not trying to get into your personal life. but Chloe, i promise it will get better once you open up to me."
"i don't have to tell you if i don't want to."
"do you want to get better?"
"fine, damn. so there was this guy.. my ex.. and ever since he came along he started screwing things up for me and him. like.. one night i was drunk and i was mad at my boyfriend. i had sex with him before i got mad. then i did with Ethan my ex. but the next day i kind of freaked out about it. then i stormed off and later on i got pregnant. so obviously i was scared. i never told him about it and he started having trust issues."
she was writing things down as i spoke. "do you think that if you told him soon after, things would be different?"
"what do you mean by that..."
"would you be in the position you are in now?"
"are you saying it my fault that all of that shit happened?!"
"i am saying if you handled the situation in another way would things be a little different."
"exactly. you're fucking saying its my fault!" I stormed.
"hey! you need to calm down and watch your mouth, we've talked about that. thats not what i am saying, Chloe. i am saying that maybe if you told him soon after, then maybe you would have talked it through and decided what to do with the baby. maybe you wouldn't have broken up as well. he would've been by your side throughout everything."
"you really think thats what would've happened," i scoffed. "no, I'm over him. i don't give a shit about our relationship. just because we broke up, it doesn't affect anything else that happened. my family fell apart and thats not my fault. that guy is the least of my fucking problems and he's not in my life anymore." it was true.
"you would have had someone by your side. your best friend went through a different path and you felt alone because he wasn't there."
"well I didn't. i went through it alone and thats what happened. thats how this fucking world works. me sitting on the porch with some motherfuckers from the Bronx smoking weed listening to hard ass rap on the speaker is the shit that i spent time doing."
"you don't have to do that." she said. "you are a good person, Chloe. i can see it. you can't."
"a good person?" I laughed. "you don't even know half the shit I've done.
"maybe not.. but what have you done that you have no faith left in yourself?" she questioned.
"i don't wanna talk about it."
"okay fine. we can talk about it later."
"no. like i don't wanna talk about it at all." I reassured.
"you're gonna have to talk about it at some point."
"god damn.. when the fuck did i sign up for a pushy ass therapist?! if i don't want to talk about it, i don't have to. its my right. the reason i'm fucking here in the first place is not because i wanted to! i damn straight didn't even wanna come here and you're already the worst therapist."
"you need to stop yelling at me like that! i'm trying to help you. i'm not trying to get into your personal life but thats my technique. opening up to someone will make you feel better. you're gonna have to trust me."
"forcing a bitch to talk about something that makes 'em uncomfortable is your technique." i scoffed.
"thats right. and it works."
"bullshit."
. i went back to school yesterday after a few weeks of not going bc of surgery. kms .
also ,
to x 💔
when i first heard the news i couldn't process it . it breaks my heart whenever i think of you . you were mad deep n inspirational . you were one of my favorites out there and your music helped a lot of ppl . it sucks to know that you left us at an early age . it jus sucks in general that you're gone . you were funny too . i think you were really tryin to be a good person . many people fell apart when they heard it . we love you and hope that you're resting easy bro. rip 😭❤️
