therapist | jack gilinsky

four

•silvanas pov// song mood : jorja smith - goodbyes

"darling, if you really want to then go ahead. no ones pressuring you." my aunt helen says to me

i really wanted to say a speech at my moms funeral today but i feel like i'm just gonna burst out and cry, and just make a fool of myself, which my mom wouldn't like so i'm just gonna have to. i am her daughter also and i do love her. so much.

"i'll do it." i smiled

"thank you babygirl. your mom would be so happy." she kissed my cheek and left the room that had belonged to me my whole life.

i've started a diet. ever since jack pointed out that i've put on weight i've been avoiding a lot of foods lately. no i'm not doing it for him or whatever. i actually do want to look after myself and make myself a bit more happy and focus less on everything else that's happened.

i slipped my white flats on and put my jacket on. my aunt said that she didn't want anyone to wear black. she feels as if my mom deserves a lovely white funeral, just to represent peace and prosperity.

i left my house with both of my aunts and made our way to the church.

*

"my mom was a lovely, kind, amazing and beautiful soul and that's really what you really want in a person. to be full of so much so much positivity. now i'm not gonna sit here and lie to you guys and say that we never had any problems because we did but she would find a way out of that problem and make everything okay again just by her sweet ways, and i guess that's why god wanted her back. she was too kind for this world. i'm just so happy to say that she's where she really belongs now. resting up with the stars in the clouds." everyone clapped and for my speech and i quickly wiped the tear that shed down my face.

i got of the alter and walked back to my seat. i took a deep breath for the millionth time today.

'start healing your broken heart now my love, you deserve to be happy. i want to see that beautiful smile of yours across your beautiful face.'

i closed my eyes and smiled. it's your time to shine silv. forget about that son of a bitch jack. focus on you and you only.

***

didn't know whether to cringe or shed a tear writing this chapter