Ben drowned X reader

Tough childhood

Your mother's and father's family expect many things out of you, to be the first in the family tree to properly graduate high school and live a far more better career then them. To be either the same career as your parents or have one that goes beyond those positions like a lawyer, forensic expert, attorney, etc. But nothing that wasn't a serious career or rare one towards society, let alone following your dreams that don't meet their ideas. With each person in your life telling you what you should be or the type of career that suits your personality, would only eat you alive every time someone asks you what you would like to do. Is it child neglect or abuse if your parents don't support your decisions, or give you the cold shoulder if you don't meet their expectations.

Because even though your closest family didn't care about you, you would at least expect your parents to love you for who you are. But over time since 5th grade you knew it was all just an illusion, nothing but pure pretend and acting. When outside of the house you and your parents would laugh, play, or even do things a happy family would do. But once passing the front door your parts become serious, strict, and more controlling over what you can and can't do. Developing such a bleak personality, a people pleaser, an emotionless person throughout the years.

At school you couldn't show your true colors because you had a couple cousins who were either distant or close to you, but they would ignore you when you greeted them. Or avoid talking to you throughout the whole day until school was over, then they would try to start a conversation once it was just you and them. Call them fake or liars in the end your family was broken from the start, because everyone who was related to you had/were already been raised to be that way. So even when you decided to work at a cafe to get away from it all, you knew that not even there were you truly free to be yourself. Because the closest cafe you worked at was a hotspot from your high school with many students who were relatives of you cousins or acquaintances of the family.

They would tell their parents who would tell your parents if you did something embarrassing or wrong. Like a spider web the conversation's would be passed down to the other until it reached the ears of your father and mother. If they heard they would start saying discouraging words that always pained your heart as if being shot with a gun. Words that were constantly being engraved inside your head that you can hear it every time you did something "stupid" to them. Words like; "You good for nothing brat! Why can't you be like your cousin Rose who always gets straight As without having to try! Why don't you look like your cousin Veronica? She's beautiful with the way she dresses in bright colored clothes and wearing makeup. It seems like Emily had received many compliments from the teachers in the last meeting, how come your teachers didn't say good things about you when we went to our appointed time. Did you gain weight again? Try to have the same form as that girl named Dorthy she's the same age and grade as you for goodness sake."

Each time they say such things, it would make you feel jealous, envious, angry, upset, and sometimes bring you to tears. Because you do everything you're told without so much as complaining, your dedication to earn their love was so strong at some point that you would do unspeakable things to others and yourself. You would stalk or confirm gossips that were circulated around in parties about the children in either your school or grade to have your family be the top of all gossips. Purposely hurt or lie those you knew to get the results your family needed, basically using others as a form of connection. Pretending you were friends with someone who was part of a gossip or rumor only to backstab them later on.

You were like a spy trying to investigate and bring the results/answers to satisfy the family. You didn't want to but since you had no friends to save you, you would only long for your parents love that never seemed to be found. It didn't matter how hard you studied to get all As or recognitions, losing a ton of weight by skipping meals and overdosing on counter pills to get the type of body your parents wanted on a daughter, practicing makeup daily and later wearing them to parties of the family or acquaintances. You changed your personality, erased your memories of who you were, abandoned your dreams for the family. You broke yourself for a love that was never there, your hard work was meaningless since they neither complimented or accepted you.

It was only until they recently went to church to change their ways, and "help" you spread your wings to a happy life. But what good was that? Your wings were torn apart the countless times they acted towards you. You don't even know what true love is, other than how it's portrayed with couples and in books. That's why you asked Ben to wait for you since you have no clue how things happen in terms of love. You wanted to fall in love but were afraid of being let down, expecting too much, or believing too much only to be let down later on in life. To you, it's not a joke when it comes to love, if you were able to dedicate yourself completely without distraction's towards the family.

Then you could also be capable to love one only one boy in your heart, being loyal until the end was always part of you whether raised that way or not. However first things first, start things slow and get to know each other by accepting the other's flaws. So you tell yourself as you hug a plushy before going to sleep, not knowing that the creepypasta was getting ready to give you a surprise the next day.