LGBT means diversity

Misgendering and deadnaming

These terms are two of the worst transgender and non-binary people's nightmare.

Misgendering is the act of referring to a person by the wrong pronouns (e.g saying a trans woman is a man and calling her a "he").

Deadnaming is the act of calling someone by their birth name or one of the names they might have gone by once (e.g. a non-binary person was born "Anthony" but now wishes to be called "Taylor" and you call them "Anthony").

Misgendering and deadnaming can be unintentional. If that ever happens to you, no worries ! Simply say you're sorry, that you didn't know (which isn't your fault !), correct yourself and try your hardest to remember using the correct name/pronouns for that person next time !

But unfortunately, misgendering and deadnaming can also be intentional. Some people do that to invalidate a trans/NB person or because they do not want to change their habits when referring to someone they have known for a long time.

Intentional misgendering and deadnaming are mental violence to the TNB community and can trigger dysphoria crises (see chapter "Dysphoria") as well as giving the feeling of being invalidated even if the person says "But I support you, I swear !".

The right thing to do if you get misgendered or deadnamed is either to calmly explain (if the person didn't know or is a bit reluctant) or to try to ignore the person troubling you. If it's a member of your family from whom you do not wish to get distant, try to remain calm and keep correcting them. Being correct-gendered is a long and sometimes mentally painful process.

If you are a transgender or non-binary ally, please be vocal and support these people by also correcting and explaining people around you.

If you keep misgendering and/or deadnaming a friend or member of your family and justify by saying "But I've known you for so long !!", you're being transphobic. And if someone points out that you are and you reply by saying "I can't be transphobic, I have a friend/family member who's trans/non-binary", you're also being transphobic (and this goes for any other gender identity and sexuality).

"Misgendering and deadnaming are inevitable" some would say. It doesn't have to be. How ? By normalizing the presentation of preferred pronouns and name in your social media bios as well as in real life. You do introduce yourself by saying "Hi ! My name is [insert name] !", right ? How hard is it to add: "And I like to be referred to as a he/she/they" ?

It might seem awkward in real life unlike on social media, especially for cisgenders. You might think "I am cis, I look 100% cis, it's useless". But it's not ! By doing so, you help normalizing the concept of preferred pronouns and voice your support to the TNB community !

Also, if someone you know is transgender or non-binary and is currently trying to find a proper new name (see chapter "Questioning"), help them by testing out some names and/or pronouns. Be patient, suggest and comfort the person. Socially transitioning is as stressful as physically transitioning and support during that process is also important.