Hopeless

Figure it Out

*****

Now Jamie was very confused, yesterday was a really stressful day but he didn't have a panic attack. And today had been so calm and almost close to happy, but now everything was tearing him apart. A sickness spreading through him as reality broke. 

Maybe it really was the loneliness.

He was sure there was something wrong with him now, something sincerely wrong and close to killing him. Maybe he was insane.

Kevin left him his phone number with the words "If you need me." But Jamie really didn't know what that meant. And maybe it would have been helpful to use that opportunity, to say something, anything. But he didn't want to bother Kevin, who probably had so many other things to do and to care about. He never really expressed his emotion towards Jamie, who assumed they were good acquaintances, maybe friends. Kevin told him about his hate for Beach City's residence. It was honestly hard to agree with him, Jamie loved Beach City and wouldn't trade his experience's for the world. Kevin belonged somewhere that was just... more. 

He really should be thinking of something more practical in his post-panic attack depression. He didn't understand what happened during them and couldn't just jump back into the swing of things. Actually, he longed to talk to someone again. It was just his nature. He picked up his own phone, sighing and typed in Kevin's number saying hello and waited. His mind drifted a bit to a daydream of Kevin reading a letter and feeling overwhelmingly excited, an emotion he never shows. Jamie savored the feeling radiated from this dream and jumped in his seat when his phone buzzed. He dropped it then realized what happened and scrambled to pick it up. He breathed out a sigh of relief as he noticed it was a text from Kevin, asking if he was doing alright. Tapping his fingers across the keyboard awkwardly he figured out how the machine was supposed to work. Telling Kevin he was alright and just wanted to talk. Kevin complied and they chatted with almost meaningless conversation for a while, before Kevin asked him if he wanted to "hang out", which Jamie had no problem with. But they found out how different they truly were. Jamie was all about simple, seemingly romantic and low-key things. Meanwhile, Kevin liked loud, impressive and immersive experiences. Aka raves, mosh pits, drag races, and anything else that could sound dangerous. 

At least he was learning something about Kevin. 

Somehow, after a painstakingly long time, Kevin convinced Jamie to go to a rave. 

A rave.

Now maybe you haven't collected this about Jamie, but he was pretty much a hermit. He never left his house unless he had work most days. And no one even liked him very much, or at least they didn't know him. No one really knew him like Kevin, and they only knew each other for two weeks. 

And apparently Jamie was going to a rave. Granted it was in a few days, Wednesday night. Which was alright since Jamie didn't tend on staying forever, raves were a whole come for a bit and leave, right? Well he hoped that was true. And even if Jamie was pretty confident he could just show up and leave he still over-worried. He didn't know what to wear, how to act, what would happen. This was all just new. 

As the days slowly ticked away Jamie's anxiety increased. He tried to talk Kevin out of it, but all in vain. Kevin was sure Jamie would have a good time. There was no way out of it, no way around, like a children book he had to get through.

 Wednesday came way too soon. And he was sure there would be nothing but death. However, he still had to go. So he chose to wear black jeans and a black V-neck. Keeping with the dark aesthetic so he felt cooler than he really was. He even experimented with a pair of black sunglasses, but realized it would be night so he put them away reluctantly. Today was going to be a failure, he was sure of it. But night came and so did Kevin, he showed up at Jamie's door right on time, which was surprising for someone like him. He had his typical maroon shirt on and a scarf with dog tags underneath. Unlike Jamie, he looked naturally cool. Jamie was half jealous and half loving it. He decided to go more on the healthier thought and enjoy Kevin's look.