Hopeless

Saved

A/N: Sorry for the late update, I've started taking theater classes so I've been running out of time to write.

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Saturday... Saturday means for most people work is over for a bit. But not when you're a postman who hasn't been in almost all week. Weekends were like business flow, mail in and out and pouring around. Luckily, Jamie didn't have to deal with the in mail, that would go off to the sifter which he assumed was Barb.

His shifts were supposed to end around one, she always kept him working the desk later though. They could really stand to get more help, however, there just wasn't a budget. He quickly blinked his eyes open and noticed he was basically on top of Kevin who was looking up at the ceiling, a tired and bored expression crossing his features. Jamie jumped off of him and almost yelped out a sorry. Kevin turned his head and smiled slightly, the look in his eyes changed with slight fear. Then Jamie realized why. "We'll see if you can trust me then." He did say Kevin shouldn't talk to him until he found a way to get him to trust him again. And well helping with a panic attack wasn't what Jamie had in mind. Honestly, he really wasn't thinking when he said those words. And saying "I love you" seemed almost too soon. He really didn't know what was possessing him. But, he clambered over Kevin and stood out of bed, walking towards the bathroom. Kevin whined after him, but he had somewhere to be. It was four thirty which is later than he normally has to get up, his shift starts at five, so he looked at himself in the mirror and decided to only brush his teeth. He never really eats breakfast anyway.

Again, he caught himself in the mirror and couldn't help but stare. He always found the negative things to pick at and hate himself for. It was just something he was used to now. Yet sometimes it turns into these voices that scream at him to change, to be different because he wasn't enough. Maybe that's why things like being rejected by someone he...tricked himself into loving. When really they didn't even matter, he just needed someone strong. He breathed out and looked harder seeing his complexion as something others describe as perfect, but he saw the pores and could imagine blood and dirt flowing through them. He hated staring at himself, he hated seeing himself. But once he started he just can't look away.

Suddenly, he felt hands snaking around his waist and another body pressed against his. Kevin leaned over him and fit his head right onto Jamie's shoulder, kissing his cheek.

"You're beautiful." He whispered, drawing Jamie out of his thoughts. His face flickered with heat and he smiled inside feeling warmth spread throughout himself. A lot of who Kevin was was making him want to stop needing to be angry. And he wasn't angry, he just wanted to know...well who Kevin even was. Because as of now he really knew nothing about his mind and personality, whilst he felt utterly exposed. Kevin seemed to already get him without even needing to speak and ask questions. Why was he so closed off?

Jamie turned and faced Kevin, who reluctantly let go of him and leaned on the wall behind him. "Work today?" Kevin asked miserably and Jamie sighed in response smiling lightly. He walked out of the bathroom, Kevin following close behind.

"Yeah, but hey I only work until the afternoon. We'll see each other." He smiled and pulled out his uniform from the barren closet. He looked at Kevin and attempted to shoo him out of his room. Obviously, Kevin got the message but quirked an eyebrow instead and smirked. Jamie rolled his eyes an pushed Kevin out of his room.

"Playing hard to get I see." Kevin purred but walked back down the hallway, leaving Jamie alone again. He sighed as he changed and was tempted to look in the mirror again. Instead, he walked out to his living room, grabbing his keys and looking at the time. Kevin was next to him again, leaning on the door frame.

"I'll see you later?" Jamie asked and Kevin scratched his head lightly.

"Yeah, sure. Beach one thirty, I'll be there." Kevin said easily, he obviously was in these circumstances before. His abruptness surprised Jamie and he stuttered out an okay. Then reached for the door handle and looked over at Kevin again, a light playful smirk dusting his features.