Secrets Aren't Made Slowly

Very Bad Lies and Very Bad Ideas

John POV: It was either a compliment to his cleverness or a play at Mr. Holmes's stupidity when that man believed his lie. John had gone into that classroom completely prepared to get laughed at, maybe even get a detention, who knows what the possibilities were for lying to that extent? An undercover cop, how stupid could someone possibly be to believe that? And yet John knew that it was something of a low blow, especially since Mr. Holmes was undoubtedly in a weak state right now, a desperate state. It was much easier for a trapped animal to imagine its captor as tame than the rabid dog it had been faced with in reality, and that was what Sherlock was doing now. He was rolling over, he was being submissive, he wanted to believe what John had told him simply because it would make whatever guilt and whatever anxiety he was carrying seem like a lot less of a burden. It was easier to trust a valiant cop than it was to trust a student who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And yet it was the perfect lie, really, for Mr. Holmes had been smiling at him, an expression John would never have imagined on that man's face. Especially not after John had seen him in such a panicked state, in such a desperate state! And now both of their nerves were subsided, Mr. Holmes believed that his secret was safe and John knew that his secret was void, for he had the perfect legal excuse for knowing Victor and coming to his aid. A cop, a cop! What a ridiculous ploy, and yet how easily it had been validated! John was just about ready to use his fake ID, the one he used to purchase um...questionable beverages. And yet Mr. Holmes hadn't even asked to see it, he was just so ready to accept any lie that was fed to him, oh how easy this had all become! John drove home in something of a daze, keeping the windows rolled down and the music up, just so that he might silence any thoughts that were beginning to flourish in his head. Now that the secret was safe inside his head he knew now that it wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, despite the clean and professional look Mr. Holmes had worn today there was no denying the pitiful state he had been discovered in the night before. John was having a hard time seeing that man smile, seeing him laugh as if everything was okay now. His admiration was something so tempting, and yet John had no idea why? He was ever so happy to let that man like him, to let him see him not as some useless teenaged junkie but as a hero, as someone he could never hope to be. Mr. Holmes had been so pleasant, in fact that had been the only time John had ever seen a genuine smile on his face. It had been, well it had actually been quite gorgeous. But of course that didn't make much sense at all; John couldn't be finding that man attractive, simply because Mr. Holmes was under the impression that John was older didn't make it so. He was still a student, one that could develop a very good lie but a student all the same. He wasn't even eighteen yet, he was still a minor! And Mr. Holmes had to be what, close to thirty undoubtedly! So long as the truth remained the truth John couldn't think to continue whatever friendship he might have accidently begun. He couldn't be thinking of Mr. Holmes as something more than just his teacher, purely because he wasn't, he couldn't be! With friendship might come something else, a relaxation of sorts that would allow other things to penetrate his mind, other things that might get his heart beating a little bit faster. Just because Mr. Holmes was undoubtedly beautiful didn't mean he was anymore available now than he had been before all of this happened. Just because that man was in the arms of another man didn't mean he was somehow John's for the taking. Oh what a mess he was in, what a mess! He knew that he couldn't tell anyone about this lie, not even Irene and Jim for fear that they would spread some sort of horrible rumors. John knew better than to trust them, for they were really horrible people to be honest, if it hadn't been for them John wouldn't have ever been down in that alley, or in that drug store, or even on that side of town! They would take this information and do something with it; John simply couldn't stand to put Mr. Holmes and whatever secrets he cherished on the line, he knew that these secrets were safe with him and yet he was the only person he could really trust. If Irene and Jim ever caught on then he would certainly be in trouble, for they were too smart to ever believe that he was an actual undercover cop. When John arrived home it was obvious that his parents could tell something was up, and yet for once they didn't bother questioning it. John waved hello and told them snippets about his day, only the boring stuff of course. If anyone would be appalled by this story it would be his parents, who certainly wouldn't like the idea of their seventeen year old son posing to be just a couple of years younger and only too eligible to his gay teacher. And yet Mr. Holmes had mentioned that he was married, to a woman no less! And yet he had seemed perfectly entranced by Victor in that alley, making his sexuality all the more confusing. Was he posing as straight for his wife's sake and enjoying himself some Victor on the side, or was he posing as gay to get the drugs he needed? Did he actually love his wife, especially when he could have managed such a smile just now? What a confusing tangle of lies and secrets and truths, what a disturbing web that together they were spinning, getting all the more trapped as they weaved, getting all the more closer as they spun! When would it stop, when would these lies appear as what they were, how far would John have to go before he had to confess? Well at the moment the end of the year was on his mind, and yet who could guess at how far something like this could go until then? He knew that he trusted Mr. Holmes with secrets, that man's brain might be intact but his heart very well might not be. What would happen if somehow Mr. Holmes fell in love?