Secrets Aren't Made Slowly

Nothing Wrong With Slowing Down

And he followed John at a distance in the near empty hallways, he was sure that no one saw them leave the classroom together and yet just to be sure he stayed a couple of steps behind him, making a point to walk slowly to let John get more ground on him. No one paid them any attention, as would be expected of ignorant high school students; however he had to be cautious. Sherlock couldn't spoil this, whatever it is; he simply couldn't let his heart break so soon after he had given it away. John beat him to the coffee shop, and yet it was only too easy to spot the man's head of golden hair a couple of places before him in the line. Sherlock knew that he was supposed to find John's car, somehow, so hopefully John remembered that Sherlock had no earthly idea what his car looked like. This was slowly becoming increasingly complicated; however Sherlock knew that in the end it would surely pay off. The shop was crowded and it smelled just like you would expect a coffee shop to smell, like coffee and cream, it had soft jazz music playing over the speakers while people milled around and sipped at their beverages. Sherlock noticed quite a few of them, students mostly, and so he kept his head down and tried to just concentrate on the menu, as if he didn't actually know what he was going to get. He felt, however, that most all the kids had their eyes on him. John wasn't talking to them either, which wasn't a relief per say, more like a happy convenience. Sherlock knew that John would have trouble shaking off his peers so that he could go and disappear with his new boyfriend, and for once Sherlock was happy that John hadn't made any friends. The line was the easy part, for as slowly as it moved Sherlock was still able to get to the counter and order in a timely fashion. The only issue was waiting around for the coffee to be made, because surely he would be expected to mingle, if not he would just look like a loser. When waiting in a line there was a perfectly good excuse for looking alone and lost, however when chaos reigned most people would cling onto their friends if only to demonstrate that they had them. And yet Sherlock didn't like anyone here other than John, the very man he was supposed to be avoiding, so he stood by himself near a book shelf and tried to look thoroughly occupied on his phone. In all reality he had no forms of social media, or anyone who would care to send him a text or an email. And so he scrolled through his song list, looking at the album covers and whatnot, in an effort to waste some time all while looking very content in what he was doing. Sherlock was an idiot when he looked up at the call of John's name, and yet other than that he felt as though his cover was quite secure. John was smart about things, for he lingered near the door and added some sugar and cream to his coffee, pretending to look as if he was very busy stirring it around all while he was waiting for Sherlock's coffee to hurry up and brew. When finally Sherlock's coffee was called he just skipped whatever cream and sugar he might have preferred, for he knew that John was probably looking like quite the idiot as he sat around and stirred his coffee. As soon as Sherlock started for the door John took a sip of his coffee and made his way to the sidewalk, allowing a couple of seconds between them just so it looked like they had ever so conveniently left at the same time. And now the only difficult part was getting into the same car, for surely someone might find that a little bit odd. Thankfully John was smart enough to find a conservative parking spot, and so Sherlock was quite sure that when he slipped into the passenger seat there were no witnesses, for the street was quite empty. When he finally sat down in the car he was almost too exasperated to even notice just who was sitting beside him, and for a moment he was about to start complaining about coffee lines and baristas before he finally realized that there really was no need for him to complain. Not when he had such a beautiful co passenger.
"Got it then?" John wondered casually, or at least as casually as he could manage with Sherlock sitting next to him in such close quarters. They both knew what had amounted from their last solitude, and yet Sherlock knew that this time they were both fully prepared, they knew that this time it wasn't completely necessary.
"Ya I've got it." Sherlock agreed. "About time too."
"What you don't like lines then?" John asked with a little chuckle, to which Sherlock just shook his head and worked the lid off of his coffee. He blew on the rising smoke gently, for he hated to burn his tongue on the first sip, and John watched him with curious brown eyes, as if watching him cool his coffee was in some way mesmerizing to him.
"I don't like people, usually, and people make up lines and they get in my way, and they talk too loud and I feel as though they're always looking at me." Sherlock admitted in a breath, shaking his head rather hatefully and fixing the lid with some strain back onto the top of his coffee cup.
"Well of course they're always looking at you, it's hard not to look at you." John insisted with a chuckle.
"And why, Mr. Watson, would that be?" Sherlock wondered with something of a crooked smile, casting a sideways glance at the man so close to him. He was of course beginning to flirt, something that by now should really be expected of him. And yet John still blushed, he always blushed when it came to loaded questions such as these.
"Because you're beautiful of course." John murmured, to which Sherlock just smiled in agreement. He was humble yet he wasn't blind, and so of course he wouldn't disprove John's statement just to protect his own reputation.
"That's the first time you've said that to me, I think." Sherlock decided, taking a sip of his coffee and wincing as it scalded across his tongue and down his throat, no it was still much too hot to drink.
"Oh really? Well I can assure you that it's not the last time I will." John assured with a teasing little smile, making Sherlock smile in a flattered sort of way.
"You flatter me, Mr. Watson." Sherlock sighed, to which John just shook his head and drank some more of his coffee, almost as if he didn't know what to say to that. It was a legitimate fear, for of course Sherlock didn't quite know what to do either, and so he just stayed quiet. It was a good move, on his part, for whatever John said Sherlock knew he would not know how to respond, and so he stayed quiet as well. He knew that they shouldn't be small talking, to be honest there was so much they should be talking about and yet he knew that they didn't even want to think of such things. Firstly, and probably most importantly, was the issue of what happens now. What were they, officially? They were something of lovers, abstract ones, distant ones, but lovers all the same. What were they prepared to risk to continue their relationship, if they were going to risk anything at all? And most importantly, what had happened Monday night, and why was John too scared to come in on Tuesday? The latter was the more daunting of questions, because Sherlock knew that whatever John admitted to he wouldn't like very much at all. Now John had claimed that he had, what was it? He had been processing, yes, that was a stupid excuse. It wasn't true; Sherlock was smart enough to realize that. And so what had really happened, had he been frightened off? Obviously John was thinking about possibly conversation starters as well, for he was staring rather nervously at his steering wheel, knowing that the longer he waited to think was all the more time the silence had to creep through the car and engulf them both. This was awkward, this was...well it wasn't lost just yet.
"Just to be sure, John, you didn't tell Jim and Irene, did you?" Sherlock clarified, getting right to the point so as to ensure that they didn't waste any time small talking.
"No, oh no of course I would never tell them!" John assured very quickly, to which Sherlock nodded thankfully.
"Yes I rather hoped you wouldn't." Sherlock agreed in a small voice.
"Just to clarify, this whole thing...it's completely a secret right?" John asked with some concern, as if Sherlock's answer was going to drastically impact his near future.
"Well yes, yes of course it's a secret. It's unorthodox, as I'm sure you know, to be in a relationship with someone from school, even if it is an undercover cop. People would not be accustomed to seeing us strolling about together, because they don't know the truth." Sherlock muttered, which of course he was sure John understood. And John just nodded in an uncomfortable sort of way, as if something about Sherlock's words sent a shiver down his spine.
"Yes I know, it is rather...different." John admitted with a timid sort of smile, bringing his coffee to his lips so as to prevent himself from saying anything more.
"Yes but it is, well it's alright, isn't it? There's nothing morally incorrect here?" Sherlock clarified carefully.
"Well no, no of course it's all quite fine. No matter what, Sherlock, it is love." John assured, to which Sherlock nodded thankfully. For some reason John's reassuring somehow eased his mind, for so long as his own rationalization was shared by his partner then it really shouldn't be wrong. They were in love, that was basically what it came down to.
"Yes indeed, yes indeed." Sherlock could only mutter, however it was a suitable response all the same.
"I'm just having a difficult time convincing myself that this is all real, to be honest it's just not sunken in yet that you're...well you're here. And I'm here. And we're together and it's okay and it's just, well it's more than just my imagination and even I can't imagine that!" John admitted in a breath, releasing something of an agonized laugh before finally putting his cup to his lips so as to silence himself. Sherlock could just laugh, for he knew exactly how John felt, for he was feeling the exact same feeling himself. It was becoming difficult to realize that what they both knew to be reality was honestly just that, reality. It was like something of a dream, and yet they were both wide awake.
"I'm happy to assure you, Mr. Watson, that this is much more than your imagination." Sherlock said with a little smile, holding out his free hand so that John could take it, and yet for a moment John looked rather lost, as if he thought Sherlock was reaching out for something like money.
"What are you...oh! Oh, oh. Sorry." John muttered timidly, changing his coffee cup over to his left hand before taking Sherlock's rather nervously in his own. It was an innocent form of affection and yet the mere brush of skin was enough to make their cheeks both blush. It was the first sort of romantic innocence they had shared together, for they had never been in that awkward couples stage, they had jumped right into third base, or whichever base that actually was. Holding hands just felt pure, if not a little bit childish, and yet it felt a lot more meaningful than anything that had happened in a blur that Monday night.
"Is it true that you've never been with anyone before?" Sherlock wondered carefully, interlocking their fingers and setting their hands down next to the gear shift of the car, just so that they could rest there and still have a hand for their coffees.
"Well yes I mean...well what do you mean by that?" John wondered rather apprehensively, his hand still sitting unmoving and stone cold in Sherlock's as if he felt as though he wasn't even allowed to twitch his fingers or anything.
"I mean you've had no romantic entanglements at all, not even a girlfriend?" Sherlock clarified, to which John just nodded shamefully.
"I was never, well I was never really popular at school. I stayed to myself, and although it worked at the time I now know that I was an idiot for not getting any experience. I'll just save you the shame of having to tell me yourself how terrible I was, even kissing I just, well I have no idea!" John admitted with a shameful chuckle.
"Oh stop that John, well maybe you were a little bit inexperienced but that's not reason to think that's all that mattered. It was just being with you that was beautiful, I assure you of that." Sherlock said with a soft sort of smile, giving John's hand a reassuring squeeze to which the boy returned with some sort of reluctance. He was just so pure, it was almost too much to handle. Sherlock had never properly been in love with someone, and yet he knew already that this was what real love felt like. It wasn't loving someone for their perfections, more loving them for their flaws. And open of John's flaws, undoubtedly, was his awkwardness.
"It was nice being with you as well. It's just...well that night was just so special to me. I just can't help thinking that it was just another night for you. I mean you with Victor, and with whatever other guys you've had for a night, I mean it's just, I'm just..."
"You're one in a million John, now don't ever try to compare yourself to all the rest. Just because I've been with men before doesn't make you any less special, well John on the contrary it makes you even more special. It makes you even more meaningful, for that night was the only night that I've woken from with a smile." Sherlock assured. "You're the only one of how many other men I've had that I've actually fallen properly in love with."
"You're in love with me?" John carried in the smallest of voices, almost as if he couldn't properly fathom what Sherlock had just said.
"Well I thought that was actually quite obvious." Sherlock assured with a little chuckle, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of John's hand, carefully expressing his affection without doing so much as touching him.
"It wasn't, well maybe I was just too humble to notice it." John admitted with a shrug.
"Humble? How does this have anything to do with humbleness?" Sherlock clarified with a little grin, watching John with curious eyes from the passenger seat of the car. John looked rather awkward, shrugging as if he really was in no position to defend his past words.
"I'm not sure, really, maybe it's just because your love is something of a compliment, something everyone really aspires to have. I'm just, well I'm too humble to see myself deserving of such a thing." John admitted with a small little smile, a smile that simply melted Sherlock's heart straight away. What a pristine man, what a gentle, appreciative, and blind moron he had fallen in love with! Not deserving, are you kidding? And so Sherlock did what he thought was necessary after such words, he looked out the window.
"No one on my side of the sidewalk, how about yours?" Sherlock wondered carefully. John cleared his throat rather awkwardly, as if he had no idea what this had to do with the conversation they had just been having. And yet he looked out the window carefully, evidently seeing no one for he just shook his head with a shrug.
"No one." he assured in a small voice.
"Good." Sherlock muttered, sliding his coffee cup into the cup holder on the door and releasing John's hand only to grab the man's face, leaning over as far as he could so as to kiss him abruptly. That was, after all, the only thing you could do when faced with a man who didn't think himself beautiful enough to deserve such a thing. It was a meaningful kiss, one that left Sherlock's body tingling and his lips numb as he pulled away, and yet it seemed to have set John into something of a state of confusion, for he only batted his eyelashes and stared blankly at Sherlock, as if not really understanding why he had just done that. And yet he was in no position to complain, that was for sure, because even from here Sherlock could hear the man's heart pounding.
"What was that for?" John asked in a breath.
"Do I really need a reason for kissing you?" Sherlock wondered with a little smile.
"Well, well yes I should think so. If you had no reason you'd just be kissing me all the time, randomly!" John exclaimed, speaking of such a thing as if it would be a tragedy.
"That wouldn't be too bad at all. Maybe it would be better if I didn't need a reason." Sherlock teased, leaning over once more and pressing a quick little kiss to John's lips for good measure.
"Now stop that Sherlock, or I'll have to kiss you back." John warned with a smile.
"Oh really, really? Don't threaten me like that John, do tempt me..." Sherlock murmured, and yet the sound of John's coffee cup thunking into the cup holder beside him was enough to assure Sherlock that this was actually going to happen. And it was, it was happening, for just like that John was kissing him, having pulled him in so affectively that Sherlock had almost forgotten what was happening all together. They were together once more, purely in the state that they should be, lips locked and hearts already yearning to intertwine, and they really had all the reason in the world, didn't they? Love was their reasoning, as it was for most all other couples that shared a quick kiss or even a long one. It was reason enough for them to kiss each other now, with their hands in the other's hair and their lips on the other's skin, and yet there was only so far they could go, really, before they had to realize that they were constricted to the front seat of a car, the car whose windshield wasn't tinted the least bit, allowing any passerby to just glance inside and be blinded. And so they stopped, they stopped right about the moment Sherlock's lips were plastered to John's neck, kissing him with all the ferocity in the world, kissing him as if something was going to become of it. John was the one that stopped, he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly and instead of pulling Sherlock's face to his skin he began to push him away, breathing heavily all the while he was patting down his hair nervously. He seemed as if there was something wrong, he seemed as though he had some sort of reservations.
"I just...well anyone could just happen by Sherlock. We really shouldn't risk it here." John advised quietly, his throat sounding quite tight as he tried to force out those words.
"Yes of course, John of course." Sherlock assured, and yet he studied the man next to him, the man who was looking quite apprehensive as he rearranged himself in the driver's seat, glancing at his coffee before he decided that it was too much effort to actually pick it up and drink.
"I'm sorry." John muttered quickly, to which Sherlock only shook his head, not knowing for what and yet knowing that whatever apologies John was trying to come up with were futile.
"Sorry for what?" Sherlock clarified with something of a teasing smile, obviously finding John's shame rather silly. John just sighed heavily, running his hands through his previously flattened hair and messing it up even more thoroughly.
"For being a prude! For not wanting...well I just can't imagine you've ever met anyone who was reluctant to be with you, and yet I've just got to admit that I worry that maybe we're going to fast! I can't help but think there's so much we don't know about each other, and yet we're just so willing to jump into each other's arms!" John admitted heavily, shaking his head as if he thought he was just being stupid all the while Sherlock was already trying to find his hand to hold gently.
"John there's no reason to be ashamed, if you think we're going too fast then we can very easily just slow down. There's nothing wrong with slowing down." Sherlock assured gently, finally catching John's hand in his own and cradling it gently.
"Don't doubt that I love you, you know how much I do it's just, well..."
"I know, John I know." Sherlock assured carefully, trying to silence him before he began to just shoot out random words so as to make himself feel better. There really was no point in him trying to explain, for even though Sherlock had never actually experienced what he was feeling he knew that it was very likely in a relationship that started off so abruptly and was expected to continue. Jumping into things was no easy feat, and especially when it was John's first relationship! Well he probably wasn't feeling as though it was special enough, was he? He had probably expected so much more from a relationship, after what he had heard of love since he was little! About the magic of falling in love, and the wonder of a first kiss! And yet Sherlock had, well he had been selfish; he hadn't thought of John when he pulled him onto that desk, he had instead thought of himself and what he wanted. It would've been much more romantic to only kiss him that night, kiss him and leave the rest for another time. Maybe tonight would have been the night, instead of getting coffee Sherlock might have asked him to get pizza, and instead of sitting in the front seat of the car they could be sitting in the back seat. And yet here they were, just cowering together, unable to express what they were feeling just because they felt silly expressing such feelings. And yet Sherlock understood, he understood what John was feeling quite fine.