The Unruly Mind

"I AM SORRY"

The silence is killing me, tears threatening to pour down my cheeks any minute, heart beating in pain
mind untamable like wildfire at the mere mention of your name

Please explain why it had  to be this way
The pain just increases day after day

I am sorry for not being perfect enough
I am not able to speak anymore, words stuck in my throat like a lump
Cannot swallow nor spit out, I am sorry for not being who you want me to be

I was loyal, giving away my whole heart and mind to you
And what did I get in return
Betrayal, pain, anguish and the real you?

I am sorry I wasn't able to reach your expectation
But did you really have to leave without an explanation

Leaving me with doubt, anger, tears and questions
That are burning my mind and shattering my heart
I am sorry for trying to protect you, to nurture you, to uplift you
I didn't know these didn't hold value in your heart
All you cared for was the attention and constant redemption
But did I really deserve what you gave in return, did you?

All I wanted to do was hold you tight
And make your dreams come true every night

I am sorry I cried and poured my heart out when I felt low
Who was I supposed to tell it to if not you

I am sorry for not giving you more of my time
I should have just listened to you instead of whine

Of the times I was busy with work, with family, with the mourning of my cousin sisters death
But how would you know of this, I didn't get the chance to speak, I held breath

I am sorry for holding onto you, for keeping the flames of hope burning
For dreaming of the unrealistic world you had woven
Tossing  my mind and heart only to be spurning

I am sorry to have caused you all the trouble, for wasting your time
For being a complicated mess
Only to be left alone to hymn

I am sorry for being insecure
But a mere thought of losing you left me out of my mind

I am sorry but I can't help being me 
I am sorry for loving you
I guess it was more than what you deserved