the grocery - bts crackfic

two

"what the actual kim fuckery? why are we doing this hyung?" taehyung asked yoongi as he was told to introduce himself inside the stockroom.

"just do it you idiot! i don't want to do this shit either! besides it was namjoon's idea, he said it would help boost up our customers or something, and also, don't ever dare say kim fuckery again because i will fucking rip your face off bitch." yoongi replied angrily. he didn't care whether they had lots of customers or not, infact he would rather shove the customers in the freezer than communicate with them. but job pays so he just had to do it.

yoongi shut the stockroom door and left taehyung but not before muttering something along the lines of "stupid fucking boring twat grocery."

taehyung turned around and made himself comfortable in the folding chair that they found in the junkyard because they were broke.

"okay so where do i start?" he started.

"so im kim taehyung, one of the employees in this crappy grocery store. this job pays but everyone here is so stupid and annoying. you know the ones that came here before me? yeah i hate them all, their all a bunch of shitty fucktar- i mean great employees to be around with. they are all so caring about each other and so friendly! we always make sure our customers are met with the greatest deal of prices! i hope you all come by often!" taehyung faked and ended with a bright boxy smile. as soon as namjoon tapped the door when he heard taehyung talking smack.

"oh my god that was priceless." hoseok laughed as soon as taehyung got out of the stockroom.

"yeah we're gonna have to edit some parts." namjoon sighed.

"shut the fuck up hoseok hyung, you literally fell off your chair talking about the shiny red apples that we have." taehyung snickered.

"well what's the problem with that?" hoseok questioned. wasn't that a good thing?

just as taehyung was about to answer, a park jimin came out of no where and burst in the room panting.

"ALL THE APPLES ARE FUCKING ROTTEN ALL OF A SUDDEN!" he called out.

—

"okay so who did this?" namjoon, aka 'the boss' asked. all of them were making a circle in the middle of the grocery store next to the fruits as they were trying to figure out who added something in the apples.

no one was listening. seokjin was using his phone most likely taking pictures on his camera, yoongi's head was on jimin's shoulder already falling asleep, hoseok sweating his balls off as he was darting his eyes all around the room, taehyung suddenly finding his palm interesting and jungkook playing a car racing game on his phone.

jimin spoke "hyung what if the apples were just expired or something."

"that's not possible since we just bought and got them stocked two days ago." joon replied. jimin nodded.

"so no one will admit? alright then, i guess we have to come to voting." namjoon stated. everyone suddenly looking up and listening by the mention of 'voting'.

namjoon massaged his temples. "okay so, lets start off with seokjin hyung. raise your hand if you think hes the culprit."

yoongi raised his hand.

seokjin saw and got offended "you bitch! what makes you think i would do such thing?! sure everyone that enters the grocery looks horrendous and not as great as me but i would never do such an evil act!" he spat.

"oh my god he sounds like a christian kid on their christian roblox server." jungkook and taehyung snickered, and soon enough everyone started giggling and jungkook got hit by a lemon thrown by seokjin.

"okay everyone! enough! okay so who thinks yoongi did it?"

everyone including namjoon and yoongi raised their hands.

"HAH! so you are the culprit min yoongi!"

"no im not the culprit but if i were someone else i'd think i was the culprit too. i hate all the people in this room and the ones going in to buy stuff but i don't have enough effort to poison them. some other day maybe." yoongi yawned.

"well i mean what did we all expect?" hoseok answered. everyone shrugged.

"wait hyung, how much were the apples when you purchased them?" jimin asked namjoon.

namjoon scratched his head "around $45 dollars maybe?"

everyone's jaw dropped.

"and how old were they?" seokjin asked.

"oh the guy said they were around 2 and a half weeks old." namjoon replied with a dimpled smile. "why are you asking me this?"

"OH MY GOD NAMJOON YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" seokjin screeched.

namjoon's eyes widened. "oh....shit."