the grocery - bts crackfic

three

"hoseok stop whistling or i swear to god i will shove one of those rotten apples down your throat and make you shit it out and eat it again." yoongi complained as hoseom stopped whistling and glared at yoongi. it had been over 20 minutes since hoseok's been whistling and yoongi had wanted to bury someone alive already in the early morning.

"ugh! why are we even here? no one comes by around the mornings." jungkook exclaimed as he flailed his hands up. jungkook, taehyung, yoongi and hoseok had arrived early but seokjin had opening duty so as usual, he was probably gonna be late.

"let's just wait for the late slut-dropping seokjin you tards. stop talking." yoongi stated.

everyone sighed and waited outside and some sat down as they waited for namjoon, jimin and for seokjin to arrive with the keys to the grocery.

after waiting for 5 minutes, jimin and namjoon were seen in the distance.

"oh look its jimin and namjoon hyung."

the other three boys looked towards where taehyung was looking at, and soon enough, one of the said said boys jimin tripped on a small pebble rock with namjoon laughing at the fact jimin fell but afterwards hit his arm on the huge garbage bin he didn't notice. jimin got up and acted like nothing happened meanwhile namjoon was flustered. karma was a bitch.

"LOL! hilarious entrance boys!" hoseok snickered. jungkook and taehyung laughed along and yoongi muttering a small "dont ever fucking say lol again because i will fucking choke you-"

"eh nothing happened." jimin said casually like he didn't just trip at all.

namjoon sighed in regret.

"wait why did you and jimin arrive together? how come?" yoongi asked harshly.

"oh, i saw jimin in the the same coffee shop i go to every morning down the street. it turned out jimin wanted to try the coffee there." namjoon answered. yoongi rolling his eyes in annoyance when no one was looking. he was kinda pissed.

"don't worry yoongi hyung, i probably won't even see namjoon there anytime soon. i didn't really like the coffee there." jimin smiled, his eyes forming into cresents. the crescent moon on the other side of the world was quaking.

"yoongi hyung did you say something?" jimin asked. he thought he heard yoongi say something for a second there.

"what? what did i say?" yoongi questioned. he sounded innocent. the one word to not describe yoongi.

"i dunno, it sounded like you said something along the lines of 'you guys are dumbasses and fucking idiots and i hate that you will all rot in hell with me and my fucking soggy-ass ramen noodles-' im not really sure, i thought you said something like that?"

"nah, your mistaken. get an ear check your just hearing bullshit from this morning's number two." yoongi answered. jimin shrugged. "of course you won't say that. how silly of me." jimin rolled his eyes. 'how silly of me' he thought.

taehyung whispered over to jungkook "yeah he definitely said that." jungkook nodded. everyone except jimin and hoseok could see through the bullshittery.

"wait a minute, why are you guys outside? and wheres seokjin?" joon asked the boys. usually whoever was assigned to opening duty would be the first one to arrive.

"late as usual." hoseok uttered. it's true, whenever opening duty was on someone else they would always come on time early or a little late, but whenever it was seokjin, he was always late for atleast an hour, probably planning a dramatic entrance.

namjoon sighed for the nth time today.

everyone waited a little more for a good solid 15 minutes until swag and meme airhorns started playing from somewhere in the distance.

"WELL GOOD MORNING BITCHES! YOUR KING IS HERE, HANDSOME AND FASHIONABLY EARLY!" seokjin yelled as he jingled the keys in his right hand with his phone on the left. he skipped toward the guys while making twirls.

"just open the door hyung."

"well jeez who made you eat burnt eggs this morning, god good morning to you disrespectful and ungrateful brats too."
seokjin replied, as he started checking the keys for the grocery store.

"you comebacks suck hyung." hoseok snickered.

"shit. over it." jin replied.

—

"HYUNG WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG?! I'VE BEEN STANDING FOR ONLY SO LONG THAT I THINK I FINALLY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND THATS NOT A FUCKIN CARDBOARD ANIME GIRL!" jungkook complained. they had been waiting for almost two hours and seokjin had been here for atleast 8 minutes yet he hadn't even opened the doors yet.

seokjin tensed and he fumbled with the keys in his hands. he was sweating and panicking.

"w-why are you sweating?" taehyung asked.

"oh god no please dont tell me what i think is going on." namjoon prayed.

yoongi sighed in frustration.

and then.

seokjin whispered a small "i-i think i got the wrong set of keys.."