36.) "don't leave."
37.) "you make me want things I can't have."
39.) "did you mean what you said yesterday?"
Foutnofyouth
"Alright read them and weep." Tony announced laying his cards flat on the table. "Royal flush, baby."
His comment illicited a round of groans, you tossed your cards on the table. The night breeze gently lifting your hair, when Sam had suggested a night of drinking and card games it sounded like a wonderful idea. However, living with a bunch of men and all of being highly competitive made the game very tense.
You brought your beer bottle to lips and took a swig watching as Tony gather up the chips. If it weren't for the fact that a certain soldier was still out here you would of went in long ago. There wasn't very many times he would sit and hang out with every one, opting more to train and return to his room.
But seeing as however Cap had decided to join in on this night of games he elected to join in. You silently watched him out of the corner of your eye, wishing you could gather the courage to have a normal conversation with him. The only times you had talked with him were about missions or training. Not that you minded any conversation was better then none when it came to Bucky Barnes.
"We're running low." Clint announced tipping his bottle in the air.
"I'll grab some." You spoke up, extracting yourself from your seat.
"Buck, why don't you go help y/n. That way we can have two cases instead of just one." Natasha smirked, raising an eyebrow at you.
Of course she had noticed the way you looked at him. Out of all the people it had to have been Natasha fucking Romanov and since then she seemed to have made it her mission to get the two of you together.
"Sure." Bucky responded, standing up, he followed you to the backdoor.
He reached around as you neared, pulling the door open. You tried not to think about how close he was standing to you as you walked in.
"I think this is longest I've seen you just sit." You stated nervously, trying desperately to just engage him in conversation.
"Is that a bad thing?" He asked, watching you as you walked over to the fridge.
"No, I didn't mean it like." You whirled around to look at him. "I just meant, your always on the go. It's nice seeing you sit down and relax."
"I'm always on the go?" He chuckled, looking down at the floor.
"Yeah, either to train, on missions, training again, on a run, to your room." You spoke quickly, feeling your face flush up.
"So you notice I'm always on the move?" He looked up at you from under his brow, small smirk on his face.
"Uh..." Was the only thing you managed to say, feeling even more like an idiot then you already did. "I didn't mean for that to sound as creepy or weird as it did. It's not like I'm stalking you or anything."
All Bucky did in reply was raise his eyebrow at you, you felt like you could of crawled in a hole and died on the spot. This was going worse then you could of imagined. You took a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm yourself down.
"I just meant it's nice that you're joining us tonight." You repressed the urge to roll your eyes at how lame you sounded to your own ears. You snagged a case of beer from the fridge, turning and setting out to walk pass him. "And now that I've made a complete idiot of myself I'm going to take the case of beer and pretend that exchange didn't just happen."
"You didn't." He said softly, snagging the inside of your elbow before you could walk away. "You're just nervous, everyone is around me"
He didn't meet your eyes when you turned to face him, instead they were trained on the floor. It took a full minute for his words to sink in, the meaning behind them. He thought you were nervous because of his past, the reason a lot of people stayed away, and it broke your heart.
"Bucky, that's not the reason I'm nervous." You finally said, deciding that it was now or never. His eyes lifted from the floor, those cobalt blues meeting yours.
"Then why do you always dart away, or look away from me?" He asked you in a pained voice.
"It's not because I want to, it because.." you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. "You make me want things I can't have."
"And what are those things?" He turned his body that way he was completely facing you now, his hand that still held your elbow slowly slid down to your hand.
"You, Bucky. I want you." You blurted out, his grip loosing in response to admission. His eyes went wide, his brows pinched together.
You took the opportunity to dart away, leaving him standing there with his face knitted up in confusion. You didn't want to hear what he would say in response, truth was as much as you liked the man you were equally just as scared he didn't see you that way.
You weren't anything special, at least not in your own eyes. You weren't strong, or super stealthy, your aim with a gun was average, sure your were smart but not Tony smart, or Bruce smart. You weren't even an Avenger, just an agent, one Tony tolerated because you gave him just as much crap as he put out. Because of this he had you assigned to the compound as extra security.
You placed the case on the table and sighed.
"Guys, I think I'm going to call it a night." You stated, snagging your phone off the table. You passed by Bucky on your return trip in, not bothering to make eye contact. You kept your pace quick as you found your way to room, closing and locking the door behind you.
Maybe by tomorrow he would forget and you could go about your day tomorrow. Maybe if didn't feel the same way he would just let it drop, lord knows there always enough drama around the compound you didn't need to add to it.
*
It was early the next morning, you had finished your morning run and were pouring yourself a cup a coffee. You caught movement out of the corner of your eye, a flash of silver. Slowly you turned your head and saw Bucky standing in the door way, a thick layer of sweat covered his face, his shirt darken by it.
His eyes traveled over your body before landing on your face. Suddenly you felt very awkward with the mug to your lips.
"Did you mean what you said yesterday?" He asked, his gaze piercing you. You swallowed the lump forming in the back of your throat, you turned to leave.
"Don't worry about it, forget I said anything." You stated, walking a way.
"Don't leave." He breathed, for second you thought you were hearing things. "What if I felt the same way, but didn't think I deserved what I wanted."
"Bucky, you deserve everything good in this world." You told him, your back still facing him.
"Says who? You know things I did." His voice was closer then before.
"You were forced to do those things." You turned to him, Bucky was less then a foot from you. "You deserve happiness, and love. You deserve to everything you want just like everyone else, regardless of what your brain tells you."
"You don't see me as a monster?"
"No, I don't. I never have and never will." You took a step to him, reaching up and pulling him in to you. His body was stiff before he slowly snaked his arm around you.
