Love Birds | ✓

4. Never For Granted

We often take for granted the people who love us.

No matter how often we talk about value messages and how we should prize the people who truly love and look out for us, there always comes a time where we take that cushion for granted.

You and I are seated by the window today, my back to your chest as you let me snuggle into your embrace, our fingers interlocked.

I can still sense the slight tinge of awkwardness that lies between us. The taste was bound to be there - we had just recovered from a major fight the previous morning.

I hadn't taken your calls the entire day, by night you'd avoided all my messages. It was a fair game. And yet for the first time in months since we first got together, I realized where I stand without your presence.

If I were to say that your absence paralysed me, I would be both lying as well as saying the truth.

I was saying the truth because I still went in to work after our fight, gave my presentation, got praised ironically by my boss for putting up a "tough show" and got in my deadline. It was just another day with life moving at its pace.

But I was lying because the day was hollow. For the first time in months, I was given a taste of what life before you was like.

Static and monotonous.

And that paralyzed me.

There were two reasons to it again. The first reason was as simple as day - life went on. And so did my day, even without you. Nothing came to a standstill like I thought it would and certainly no calamity struck upon Earth.

It was a fight, not a break up.

And yet, staying away from you, knowing that we both said things to each other in the heat of the moment left behind just as many burns. Being with you taught me never to recount memories or fights mentally after they have happened, and yet in spite of such exercised mental control, I lapsed into thinking about you come evening.

By night, you'd swamped my mind up. The quiet of my room was deafening, and daunting too. I wanted for you to do nothing more than take me into your arms and reassure me that it was going to be alright. But you were far away in the confines of your own room, perhaps, angry upon me for nothing taking those calls.

But how could I take them when I'd kept my phone in the farthest recess of my cubicle drawer, that too on silent just so that I couldn't see your calls on purpose?

By midnight, I'd already sent you 17 text messages, asking you to call me up if you could. The messages were delivered.

And now I didn't know whether or not you'd actually seen them but had ignored them or had just thrown yourself asleep forcefully, like you did every time you're upset.

By twilight, I thanked my stars it was Saturday morning and I didn't have to turn myself into work. Because I hadn't caught a wink. My mind wandered and wandered, constantly craving for either your scent or embrace for comfort, but there was only the harsh scent of my own shortcomings.

By early dawn, I was inching towards a minor anxiety attack, suddenly thinking about where all my confidence and positivity had gone.

Hadn't I told you nearly 19 hours back that "I was good enough even with you?"

So why didn't I feel "good enough" anymore?

By 6:50am, I'd had enough of this. I picked up my car keys and drove up to your building, so often having walked up to the reception and taking the detour to the lift, jabbing the button once, twice, thrice until the lift jangled for service.

The next thing I was conscious of was knocking at your door, so calm and contradictory to what was going on within my mind. I tapped my foot impatiently, my arms dangling awkwardly.

The door opened, and even before I could see you were also set to leave home with your car keys dangling from your hand - your face laden in surprise - I take four strides towards you and pull you into a lock, our breaths erratic and shaky.

My arms entangle awkwardly over your shoulder and waist, and somewhere deep down I'm almost expecting your embrace to be stiff and ready for you to push me away.

But you do neither.

You simply melt into the kiss, pulling my arms around your neck as you swooped me off the ground, your arms only strengthing its hold. Our lips don't still for the next two minutes, hungry as we leave each other a confusion of kisses over cheeks, foreheads and necks, until we find each other's lips again.

When we part, you're wiping away tears from my face while I refuse to leave your embrace, the fact hitting me in its entirety just what I'd taken for granted.

"I was just coming to your place to tell you-"

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, my heart suddenly thundering in my eyes at the sheer thought of what I was so casual about letting go.

"I'm sorry too," you whispered back, kissing my forehead, letting his cheek rest on my head. And suddenly the world was bright and sunny again, your scent so raw it flamed up my gates of insecurity and burned them to ashes until everything turned black.

When I next woke up, I realized that I'd fallen asleep comfortably on your bed, the time closing in to noon. You were seated by the window, staring out at the forested greenery outside as the sunlight streams in lovingly, lighting up his eyes even more.

I yawned softly and it caught his attention, both of us smiling for lack of words. I pushed myself off the bed and let you cradle me into his arms where you were seated, and here we are now, rocking back and forth just like the palms against the wind.

There are going to be several more instances where we're going to try getting ahead of ourselves like this because... well, human nature. Life has never been a bed of roses and it never will be.

But I know now that I can never, ever take you for granted. Not just because we love and fulfill each other.

No, love.

You, for me, are everything that's right in this world.

And with me.