I can’t keep moving on.
If you lose the only thing that makes you work harder, stronger and longer, you can’t keep moving on. It doesn’t matters if it’s a pet, a bracelet, a picture, your family or the love of your life. If you lose it, you can’t keep moving on as you did before. It’ll never be the same! Why? Why should you keep moving on like nothing happened, if the only thing that completes your world is nowhere to be found, or forever gone? You can’t! It makes no sense to act like nothing happened. You’re a human being, and if you lose something or someone, you can’t just forget them. They’ll always have a place in your heart. Always! I’m losing the love of my life, because of some small stupid things and reasons, and I’m not able to cope with it. I’m not! He meant everything to me. He was the reason for my last cut, but since then I haven’t cut myself ever again. I’m not going to say I’m clean, because if I’d lose him, I can’t keep me out of danger. I wouldn’t have someone that reminds me to believe in myself, I would have no one that says, that they’re going to be proud of me if I’m resisting the feeling of harming myself. He’ll never be replaceable! And it’s not going to be the same if I’m going to search for another person that loves me as much have I ever loved him. No one will ever mean the same to me as he did. And I’m losing him! I’m losing my ocean and my stars, my sleep at night and the sky that amazes me every time in a new way. I’m going to lose the person that I’ve gave everything. The one person that always meant to be mine, the one that make my eyes sparkle, the one that takes my breath away from me. He means everything for me. I can’t and I won’t let him walk out of my life. I want to fall asleep next to him, only to wake up the next morning, with his arm wrapped around me, so no one can steel me, the one that protects me from myself. The one that makes sure, that I’m not alone when I need someone to hug, to speak to. But I’m losing this one person that does everything and would give everything to keep me going. The one that really cares, the one person that truly, madly, deeply loves me! The one person I want to thank for everything he has done for me is leaving me, because of another woman, that doesn’t even know how precious he is! That doesn’t love him like I do. That doesn’t even know him like I do, how I learnt to. She doesn’t deserve him, like I do! She’s not worth to make a mistake, that is as big is it would be if he’s going to leave me, as big as if I’m going to lose him. I don’t need food, or a bed to sleep in, I just need him and water and air. Nothing more, nothing less. He’s the fault in my stars, but it all makes sense to me if I’m with him. He has no faults in his stars. The way he is, is perfect! He shouldn’t change anything about him. His gorgeous smile, makes my day, and saves my life! I can’t lose someone that important to me. And I’m not letting him go, not now and not in a billion years’ time. He’s never going to understand how much he means to me, but that’s only because he can’t imagine, but if he could he would never leave my side again. He knows that you can’t describe love, but I did it in a way that not everyone can describe it. I’m putting my whole life, in his hands, and he god damn knows it. He tries everything he can, to don’t break me apart. But he kind of already did it, without knowing it. He doesn’t know how much it hurts if he looks at her like he did it with me. Well, he used to! Love is to make people happy, and it looks like I’m not good enough for him anymore. But was I ever good enough for him? I think I was, but I think I’m not doing it anymore. He searches for someone else instead, that gives him what he need. But forget about the person he really cares about. He even forgot about his best friends feelings. He didn’t just hurt me, but he hurts others which used to be like family for him, but know he thinks, the way she changes him, makes him to a better person, even though he’ll lose every person he once loved like a second family, just because of her. If he hurts me, I don’t mind. I’m used to be dumped, because I’m not good enough or my past is to dark, but I don’t want that other people that I’ve learnt to love gets hurt. I’ll rather lose my whole world that to look at someone that truly loves him like a brother. I don’t matter. It’s just me, I’m not important. But they are! He makes my broken world whole. And he makes others world even more beautiful with his smile, and with the person he still is deep down in his heart, the one person that never cared if someone liked him or not, He just wanted to be there for the people he truly loved, and I was used to be one of them. But not anymore! He’d do everything to help them. Everything! He’s my whole world, and he’ll always be my whole world. I love him now and I always will. No one is going to change it!
