I couldn’t fall asleep last night. Why do we even need sleep? I don’t really want to close my eyes. What if as soon as I close my eyes someone I love, betrays me, cheats on me, lies to me, forget about me. I’m sure everyone knows how it feels like to be betrayed. Maybe not everyone has got the same experience but it hurts anyway! It doesn’t matters if it’s betraying in using someone, betraying in a relationship, or betraying someone in a friendship. Every single one of them hurts. It doesn’t matter how you get betrayed, it’s the fact that someone you love hurts you. And really hurts you! Why do people these things? Why? I can’t say it. It could be a mistake or a misunderstanding, but it still hurts. You don’t want to listen to an apology that doesn’t really mean anything to them. They just want your trust back, so they can hurt you once again. Over and over again! Some people love to play with someone’s feeling because they’re in control of someone. To have the control to hurt someone in such a horrible way, is just sick. Why do some people enjoy hurting others? I don’t know! Do I care? Hell, yes, why wouldn’t I. I get betrayed all the time from the people I love. Why do they do that? I don’t know, I just think it’s sick. Really sick! Why can’t you just be honest to someone, instead of hurting us? If they really would love us, they wouldn’t want to hurt us. But what if this person plays this game over months, years? If they really do that, they never loved us, they just played their act for us to believe. An act? Yes an act! You’re just a role of a play that you didn’t even know of. It’s just sad if you need to learn and life with the fact that someone was able to manipulate you. You always think, you would recognise it beforehand. But you normally say, that your loved ones around you can see better what’s the best for you or not. But even they can’t see everything. And you can’t blame them even if it’s one of the things you want to do the most. You want to blame the ones that really love you because they couldn’t save you from something like that. And as I said in other texts of me, love means to protect someone, to give someone the feeling of being safe. Instead of thinking logical for a few minutes, you give them the blame, but you only blame them so you don’t need to think about the fact that it all was kind of your fault. It was your fault to give someone such a big meaning in your life before even really knowing them. You trusted them to fast and let them too far into your life. You want to blame someone else for you own fault. Why? You don’t want to blame yourself for it, because you’re sad you don’t want to think of it as if it was your fault because it would tear you down even more. You can’t see your own fault. But if you ask me, I don’t blame anyone. Why? Let’s say it like that I’ve never done it before. Everything that happened to me was automatically my fault. It always was and it always will be my fault.
