Kiss Me Slowly || olivarry/flarrow

Four

TW: suicidal thoughts, and mentions of self-harm

In the grand scheme of things, Barry supposed he already saw it coming. It didn't make the sight hurt any less, though.

Turning on his heel, Barry ignored Blaine calling his name, and rushing out the front door. He wasn't entirely sure where he was heading, but he just needed to get out of the house. Seeing his boyfriend in his bed with someone that wasn't Barry, it was a rather large pill to swallow. It made his stomach churn uncomfortably at the thought. The image wouldn't leave his head. Blaine and Kurt curled around each other in his bed. Like they were mocking Barry.

Barry suddenly wished it wasn't nearing three am by that point. He would've really liked talking to his dad at that moment, and getting everything off his chest. If there was anybody he could tell absolutely everything to without risk of being judged, it was Henry. But it wasn't anywhere near visiting hours, and he'd have to wait at least eight more hours before he'd be able to even step foot in the prison.

After walking aimlessly for awhile, the adrenaline Barry had acquired at seeing his boyfriend cheating on him had drained, leaving his limbs feeling heavy, and his eyes droop with sleep. But he honestly still wasn't sure if he could face either of them when stepping foot into his own house. His childhood room was now soiled with bad memories, and Barry knew he'd have to find his own place soon, lest he go crazy at the thought of what went down in there.

He soon found himself at the park, sitting on one of the many benches available there, staring ahead of him blankly as his mind raced with thoughts and worries. There was so much going on in his head, he couldn't particularly be bothered to be worried about the possibility of being attacked due to being alone late at night. It was a poor state of mind, he knew, but he wasn't sure if he even could be worried when, to him, there was so much more to worry about. So much more to occupy his time thinking about. Even though he didn't want to admit it, Barry was fully aware of anything that was happening between him and Blaine was completely and utterly over. His mind was already well aware of that fact, but his heart had a difficult time accepting that simple fact. As much as he knew he was attracted to Oliver, and everything about the man, Barry did truly love Blaine. His heart ached at the thought of splitting from Blaine, even though he knew it'd be the best thing for the both of them. Any trust that had been there was utterly shattered.

Barry wished, in that moment, that he never asked Iris to set him up with someone. It wasn't her fault, Barry would never blame her, but he had met Blaine through her. In a twisted way, Barry had almost been expecting something like that to happen. For Blaine to leave him for Kurt. Kurt had been Blaine's almost husband, and there would always be 'what if's flying around, and hidden feelings from the almost. It really shouldn't have been that much of a shock to see them together again. Barry guessed if he wasn't dating Blaine, he would've encouraged the chase after Kurt. Their relationship would never reach the level it had been to Blaine's first love. On the other hand, Barry knew their relationship would've been ending at some point soon. Not this way, of course, but it was something that never left his mind. Barry had a habit lately of complaining about everything, and second guessing everything that Blaine did. The trust had slowly deteriorated, but now it was nonexistent.

Kicking a rock that sat in front of his foot, Barry didn't even bother to wipe away the tears that were falling down his cheeks. While his head had already made sense of everything, his heart still ached in his chest. Blaine was his love, not first, that was Hunter, but he was still extremely important to Barry. Barry had a sinking suspicion that he just wasn't supposed to be happy. Any time he had found some sort of happiness in a relationship, there was always something to take the rug out from under him, leaving him gasping for air like he was drowning in water. Even as he sat there, he felt like he was drowning, and for the first time since he realised he was fully over Hunter, Barry found himself wishing he wouldn't come up for air.