Live fully and fearlessly

Chapter 9

I woke up having to par really bad but I can't get up because there is a arm draped over my waist.
 
I push the arm off not really in the mood.

I went into the bath room and rubbed my self a bath.

I don't want to think about it.

I don't want to see there faces.

But of course my mind doesn't obey.

My parents are dead I am all alone.

I don't have anyone, anymore the two people that loved me the most are dead and it's all my fault.

I took off my clothing and went into the bath, just sat there thinking about everything that has happened.

If Simon never walked into my life and kissed me this would not have happened but in a away he saves my life cause if I didn't go to that party then I would be dead too.

So I guess in a way he helped me out

Maybe this doesn't have to do with me.

Now that I think of it my dad let me go out on a school night with a guy he barely knows.
That sounds weird to me.

There was a knock on the door that made me snap out of my thought.

"What" I yelled my voice from from all the crying.

"Nicky are you okay" Simon asked concern with guilt lays in his voice.

"Yea I am fine" I lie to him.

"Nicky I know your not fine. Last night you find both your parents dead and your saying your fine I don't believe you one bit" he said while banging on the door.

I can't do this. How can I? I don't have my parents anymore. I feel empty without them I don't have anyone to cook me dinner I don't have my mom to talk to anymore or my dad to protect me.

I don't have anyone that will be there for me when I am upset or when I am in trouble.

What am I supposed to do now?

"Nicky please open the door?" Simon asked me but I heard the panic in his voice.

"I am taking a bath I'll be out in a few" I said trying not to sound like a broken mess.

"Alright I'll be down stairs by the way I am staying home with you my mom doesn't want you to go to school today. She said that when ever your ready to go back you can" Simon said and walked away. I heard the door close and I let out a deep breath.

My life is so fucked up and I can't have them caring for me I don't want anything to happen to them.

I am such a mess. I felt the tears running down my cheek and I just can't stop the crying.

I saw the razor blade on the edge of the bath tub and I grabed it.

I stared at the thing in my hand.

I know I promised I wouldn't do it again but I am just not right in the head and this was the only way to relieve pain.

Right now I needed that relieve.

I did one cut and that one cut lead to two and so on and so on.

I felt better but not about my self and I know that this isn't the end of it.

I am lost with out my parents what am I going to do now.

I got out of the bath tub and wiped the blood from my legs.

I dried my self off and went into the room to relieve I didn't have any clothes.

Went up the door and picked my head out.