Live fully and fearlessly

Chapter 10

I went back to simons house with the note in my pocket. What the hell was that I know for a fact that it isn't Ryan cause I know his hand writing.

Who could it be? Who would want to fuck my life up so bad that they had to go out and kill my parents?

My mind is racing and I feel like I am going to explode, I mean what the fuck!

I don't remember who it could be.

I mean yes I piss off a lot of people but I don't know who it could be.

"SIMON" I yelled for him to come down.

"What do you want Nicky" he asked. He walked down the stairs and he was wear sweatpants that hung dangerously low on his his and no shirt.

I was looking at his well defined abs, he much work out cause no can look that good and not work out

My mind goes back to the kiss we shared we haven't brought it up since it happened but then again a lot has happened.

"Umm" I stamerd looking down, " Umm I have to show something" I said.

"What is it Nicky." He said looking at me with concern in his eyes and I think I saw pity but I ignored that part.

"Can we go up stairs?" I asked him.

"Yea" he says looking down and I think I see a hint of a smile but I am not.

"We are not having sex simon you can forget that cause that will never happen" I stated the fact.

Don't give me wrong he is hot and all but... Yea it would be weird.

We walked up the stairs and into his room.

I take out the post it and gave it to him he was reading it, his face falls from any expression.

"You went back to your house?" Yelled at me.

I know it was a bad idea but come on give me a damn break.

"Yea and the police already searched it but that wasn't there yesterday I swear I feel like someone went back into my house and placed it there for me to find." I said.

"Nicky you need to give this to the police." He said waving the post it in his hand.

"No I can't I don't want to be put under protecting" I said a little bit louder then I expected.

He walked closer to me and put his hand, I felt the small tingles on my skin where he is touching.

I looked up at me and he had a expressionless look on his face I couldn't read him.

What was he thinking.

I didn't know if he thought I was crazy for wanting to keep it but there is something about this note that makes want to keep it.

I walked out the room ending the conversation, I walked to the front of the door and walked out I didn't want to hear always any one had to say.

I walked down the drive way and on the side walk just walking not going anywhere particular.

I felt the tears running down my face again.

Really can do this.

Every one is going to say something.

I mean simons already thinks I am crazy cause I want to keep a note.

I walked until my feet hurt I got to the park and sat on of the swings.

I took a cig out of my pocket and lit it.

I guess this is all I got now.

I got no body, I am all alone in this fucking world.

Why do I even exist if every time something bad happen to me it's not like I didn't anything bad.

Maybe this is karma form last year.

What had become last year wasn't okay and now I feel my self slipping to that dark place a place were I didn't give a shit what people think.

A place that was darker then anything but I loved it and now that I didn't have anyone to care for me it's time I returned to the old and darker me.

People are going to get hurt and I just didn't fucking care any more.

Maybe if I didn't care about people than I wouldn't feel so much pain for the once I lose. 

The only on I'll keep safe is my best friend that's it.

I need to go back to school tomorrow and show everyone that I am not the same any more that I have changed and that they're not going to fuck with me.

This is the new me the cold me.