Soonhoon Oneshots

The INTJ that wanted to love pt.1

INTJ- an MBTI personality type characterised by being introverted, intuitive, thinking and judgemental.
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Dear diary,
Why I'm even writing in this, I don't know, but I need to put my thoughts down on paper. So, here we go:

I don't really like to use the word 'love'. I always hear people use the word 'hate' and others saying that 'it's a strong word'. If hate is strong, shouldn't love be just as strong, or stronger? Why do people use it so often? Of all the things that I don't understand, humans just have to be one of them.

Maybe that's because I've just never loved anything, maybe that's why I can criticize people. I do however, want to know what it feels like. Perhaps I don't know yet, but maybe I am loved by someone. I can never pick up on these things. Why would someone love me though? I may be a rare personality type, but 2% of the total population is still more than 1000 people. There can't be anything special if you're only one in a thousand. No one is special, why can't anyone see this the way I do?

But at the same time, I know that sometimes, I have to accept the fact that I'm slightly different than the average population. People leave me out of things, and ignore me. I don't really mind (most people are annoying anyway), but it gets lonely sometimes. Je voudrais adorer.

I really really don't like to admit it, but it gets to me occasionally. I just, break down, usually on my bed, in tears. I don't like it, because it shows that I'm weak, when I'm not. I'm convinced that I'm a strong person. But I'm also human. Oh what I would give to not be human...

It gets lonely at the top, but no one else can come near enough for me to reach and grab them. That one person; and only that one person; I hope that I will love them one day.

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Its harder than you think to write a character thats so similar to you...