11:11 (a larry fanfiction)

chapter 36

(Life house- It is what it is)

~4 months later~

-Louis’ P.O.V-

Everytime we had shows me and Harry wouldn’t even look at each other. I mean it was normal for me but what about him? He should’ve felt guilty or shame. It was his fucking fault we were in this mess but it was over who cared? Hah, who was I kidding? I cared for fucks sake. I couldn’t forget him or his deep emerald eyes. Or the way his lips softly kissed mine. Or how his flawed skin was covered in scars. Or how he was so innocent. I laughed. Harry wasn’t innocent. He was a devil.

Backstage of our shows Harry always passed me but never said a word and I always thought “Go ahead, pass me in the halls and pretend I don’t exist; I hope every single time we make eye contact, you relieve every memory we’re ever had. And I hope it hurts.”

But today? No after seven months of endless tortures, silenced pleadings, today was the day he came up to me.

“Talk to me.” He said while I was putting on my shirt but I just kept looking at the wall.

“I need you, Louis. I need you. What am I going to do without you? I love you and I want to make things better. I care. Why are you so sad?”

Did he even dare ask why I was sad? Yeah I’m just sad because I didn’t watch the fucking episode of American horror story last night, why the fuck do you think im sad? I’m sad because u fucked another girl and let her pregnant. That’s why im fucking sad, Harry. That’s why.

I gave up and finally said something so he could leave me the fuck alone.

“Hurt. I’m fucking hurt. And don’t act like you care. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have done what you did.”

Harry grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him. He looked me in my eyes. I was about to give in, looking at those emerald eyes. I was about to kiss him when his eyes moved direction. I pulled away and he stared at my arm.

“You cut yourself? Again?” he asked and I thought before I answered him. Maybe I should’ve thought more.

“I cut to prove to you that you are not the only one that can hurt me.” I said and walked away trying to look sassy, something I couldn’t do because I looked like a fucking vampire. I was sick and tired and I’ve barely gotten any sleep these past seven months.

It felt like I was walking upstream through a current strong enough to pull me under four times over. And nothing was harder than standing up in that current, when everything in me was telling me how much easier things would be if I just let myself dragged under.

The thing that hurt more than everything was the thought that I deserved all of this. All the pain. All the suffering. I deserved being betrayed. Because I didn’t see. Love had blinded me. Love made me fall asleep. And now, now I was awake, and I could see every fucking monster around me.

-Harry’s  P.O.V-

The suffering. I deserved it. I was the creator. It was my fault. I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. Because really, I was the only one to blame.

I lied on my bed looking at the other pillow beside me where Louis used to rest his soft head on. It still smelled like him. I looked up at the ceiling. Flashbacks.

Our moments. Our laughter’s. Our touches. Our conversations. “Don’t act like you care.” “I don’t need you.” “I love you.” “I’m pregnant.” “How small my troubles seem when your fingers wrap around mine.”

All of these things at once. I couldn’t take it anymore. I started yelling and throwing pillows at the fucking wall. I grabbed a vase and I threw it. I screamed. I kept yelling Louis’ name. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to die. I wanted relief. I wanted this pain to end. I wanted Louis to come back here and hug me tight and hold me and tell me that everything will be okay.