After You

Chapter Nineteen - Will you still Love me Tomorrow?

"I feel as though you want more. The lines are blurring. This is where people can get hurt."
- Jude

Jude and I were the newest couple in our little social sphere. We didn't shout about our relationship, and neither of us updated our relationship status on Facebook, but we didn't hide that we were together, either. There wouldn't have been any point, anyway, because Rhian got the news from Skip, and you know she's always been a real gossip; everyone heard about us from someone.

Then there was Luke. We didn't speak after our falling out at the boathouse. He stopped calling and popping over to check on me, and on the rare occasion that our friends had a night out, if I went, he was conspicuously "busy".

'Just give Luke a bit of time,' Tabby told me, when we went for coffee one lunchtime. I'd splurged, because I was happy - a weight lifted from my shoulders, now that my secret was out - and ordered a cappuccino with a cute little cocoa powder drawing dusted on top. It came with one of those addictive caramelised biscuits, too, and without caution, I dunked and nibbled. When I realised what I was doing, I smiled to myself. Jude would be proud of me, I told myself. 'What's that little smile for?' Tabby asked, biting into a slice of Bakewell tart.

'Just something to do with Jude.' She nodded and chewed rapidly, before swallowing her mouthful.

'When isn't it?' she quipped. My eyes widened in surprise. 'Don't get me wrong,' Tabby said, holding up one well-manicured hand. 'I love that you're happy, but you and Jude... I'm sensing that you more than like him. I swear if you're not with him, you're talking about him or thinking about him or texting him.'

'That's not true!' I complained, feeling criticised.

'Isn't it?' Tabby asked, with a pointed look. 'I feel like I've barely seen you this past month.'

'That's because I do spend time with Jude,' I replied, defensively. 'But when I'm not with him, you're either with Drew or fussing over Luke. It's not my fault that you have to choose between the two of us.'

'I'm not saying it is, but you've got Jude to help you move on. Who's Luke got, eh?' I merely scowled and sipped my coffee. 'Don't worry about Luke,' Tabby said, trying again. 'I'll keep an eye on him - make sure he's alright - but I'm worried about you, too.'

'Me?' I asked, incredulously. 'I'm fine.'

'You think you're fine,' Tabby corrected.

'What's that meant to mean?'

'It means you've latched onto Jude like you don't know how to be on your own.' I shook my head.

'That's not what's happening.'

'Then what is?' Tabby asked, her brows raised with expectation. I sighed and chewed at my lip. I wasn't really comfortable saying the words - I meant them, but I knew they sounded wrong. Still, Tabby was my best friend. I could tell her anything, even though it killed me to let you hear those words too.

'I love him,' I said, simply. 'I'm in love with him.' Tabby looked at me softly, reached across the rickety little table and grabbed my hand, covering it with hers.

'For real? Happily ever after and all that?' I nodded.

'Jude makes me feel...' I shrugged, lost for words. Anything I could say was inadequate. It wouldn't accurately express how I felt about him. 'He makes me feel happy, and safe, and sexy. He treats me like an adult. He doesn't pamper me just because I'm a widow. He's really helped me with my eating,' I added, my voice dropping to a mumble.