Perfecting Amelia

Ryan and Lenora

When everything happened on my sixteenth birthday party, I drove to the White Mountains. I got myself a room in a lodge, and sat on the open porch. It was practically a blizzard; no one’s parties could be heard over the roar of the wind. The snow was pounding down, wind howling.

Fact was, I was freezing, sitting out in the open, only a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants on. My body was numb as I sipped on the open bottle of alcohol next to me. It was the third week in January, a bad day for a party. My birthday was New Year’s Day, two minutes after the ball dropped. On my birthday I had gone to Jay Berings New Year’s party, Jay was by me the whole time. Breath on my neck, hands on my hips.

Drinking the burning liquid now was nothing like the party. I was numb; my eyes were foggy and heavy from snow. I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t move, my body was frozen still, not exactly literally. Lenora was fresh in my mind as the tips of my hair froze. I was shaking, my whole body stiff.

I might have died, if I stayed out there through the night like I planned, but one of the maids from the lodge came in to make sure I needed anything and saw me out there. She had dragged me in, started me a warm bath and stayed with me. She was an older woman in her sixties, with a wrinkled face and a motherly nature. My body burned in the hot water, but it warmed me to. And she told me stories as I looked out the window at the large bottle of Jim Bean covered in snow outside.

So I didn’t exactly have the best memories with Jim Bean alcohol. Since the man that hit my sister was drinking it and I almost froze myself to death with it. Wes though, seemed to love it, as he got one at the diner and me a root beer. He sipped it, grinning.

I was uncomfortable here with him, but there was nothing I could do but sit rigid as he finished off the glass and the waiter came back around to refill the cup.

“He’s fine with just water.” I croaked, sipping my drink to soothe my burning throat.  Wes didn’t seem to care, and drank the water with the same smile.

“So I think we have some talking to do.” He said flicking through the menu. “Start where ever you want.” He put down the menu, smiling at me.

I could have started the day I was born, and how the doctor wanted to name me. Or how when I was Four I got my first dog and he ended up getting hit by a car. Hell I could have started with my love for basketball, but I didn’t. I started with my sixteenth birthday, I was pretty sure he was already aware of my perfect family.

“For me and my twin, Lenora’s birthday, we went to Jays new year’s party. Jay liked me, and wouldn’t leave me alone. He was always by my side, feeling me up or trying to get me drunk.” I closed my eyes. “Lenora liked this boy I modeled with, Ryan; I did my first cover with him. I never gave Ryan the time of day; I had a thing for Jay.” Wes was a good listener, and I continued.

“He came to the party to pick me up, he wanted to ask me out, and Lenora had other plans when she saw him. She spilt her drink all over him, and dried him off while talking. During this I was with Jay outside, who was trying to unbuckle my pants.” I closed my eyes again.

“Ryan left Lenora behind, he saw me even though I was so hidden, and he stormed up and punched Jay in the nose. I was pissed at first, my shirt had blood on it, and he ruined my chance to get with Jay.” By the time I got to this part of the story I had forgotten Wes was here listening.

“He grabbed my arm, and pulled me to his car. I fell for him hard. I was so in love, He loved me to. We were going to run away together when I turned eighteen, run away and live a life together. He bought me a promise ring, spent all of his time with me. I can’t even count the amount of nights he crawled in through my window, and I sat on his lap until I fell asleep.”

My throat was tight; I was fighting back the tears.

“Three weeks after my birthday, my mother organized a party for Lenora and me. Early that morning, I gave my virginity to Ryan. After he went home to get ready for the party, I was in pure bliss. I mean you hear about young love all the time, but I really loved him, and I went into Lenora’s room, just to visit her before the party, only to find her on the bed, crying.”

Wes leaned forward, I took in a large breath, images dancing in my head, and the scene was unfolding in front of me.

“She found out she was pregnant, she didn’t even know whose kid it was. I was so mad at her, we were screaming and I picked the wrong words. I remember it so well; Ryan was in the door way, I hadn’t even seen him. Lenora hadn’t either, she told me he was going to leave me that he didn’t love me, that she slept with him awhile ago and that it was probably his child. I was so upset I had lost it. ‘You’re a disgusting pig Lenora!’ I had yelled. ‘No one will ever love you, your such a slut, I hate you! I hope you fucking rot in hell.’”

Wes took in a breath.

“She stormed out, tears streaming down her face, I felt so small, and I pushed past Ryan, crying when I saw him. I was so hurt. I ran down stairs, my mother was outside yelling, Lenora was in the car, pulling out of the driveway. Speeding down the driveway onto the road. I was so pissed at her. I wanted to yell more, punch her even, my mom was crying, ‘she’s pregnant.’ She kept sobbing out; Ryan was in the door way, rubbing her back. I took off running.

I chased my mother’s brand new black Cadillac, past the light down the block, sprinting after Lenora. As she went pass the light I saw the red pickup truck. It was a bunch of teenage boys, drinking and they crashed into Lenora. I watched her body slump forward, and the driver of the other car crash through the window, his empty Jim bean bottle, crashing in front of me.”

Wes had gotten up; he was now next to me rubbing my back. My head slumped on his neck.

“You can stop there if you want.” He whispered in my ear, but I shook my head. I still had so much more to tell him.

“A lot happened then but I can’t, talk about that anymore. Around a year later, Ryan and I were still going out, the thing was though, and it was a different thing. Ryan changed so much, yet I loved him so much, still do in fact. It started Christmas night, when Jay, from the party, came to my house to give me a Christmas card, Ryan looked pissed. Up in my room, he slapped me. It wasn’t like a movie though; I didn’t sit there and take it. It stung and my body moved back from the impact. That was the first time.”

I could feel the tears threatening to spill; my body was cold, even with Wes next to me.

“The hitting got worse, and more frequent, but I loved him so much I didn’t even care. On my birthday, he got me a wedding ring, proposed to me, said we could get married when I turned eighteen, and I said yes.

Later that night, we were outside by the flower beds, Colby, my older brother who was in the military, called me. Ryan didn’t know I had a brother, and was wicked pissed. I guess I could understand why though, I said I love you at the end. He beat me and, the cops got involved, he’s in jail now.”

It was worse than that though; I couldn’t make myself talk about it though. After I had hung up with Colby he pushed me, I fell my but hitting the ice with a thud. I looked at him, tears pricking my eyes. “Don’t ever fucking talk to that boy again.” He said pushing me again. “Get the fuck up.” He screamed, yanking my arm and sending a blow to my stomach. I couldn’t talk; tears were streaming down my face. “You’re a whore Amy, you disgust me.” He snarled, punching my cheek, my body was burning. “You’re worthless.” He barked out punching my ribs repeatedly, I could hear the crack.

Then it all went so fast. My father pushing him away, my heartless mother rocking my back and forth, the cop cars and the sirens, Kelly and Tiffany outside crying. The cops were taking Ryan away, and I screamed, tears flowing down my face. After everything, I still loved him, and I was heartbroken. “Ryan!” I sobbed hugging my body.

“I should have stopped, Amy.” He spoke, it was barely audible, and yet I heard. The words where always there. I should have stopped. They broke me down.

Wes was hugging me as I cried. “I still love him, Wes. I really do.”