bookworm // wolfstar au

n i n e

"so i've been thinking," sirius says, startling remus. he'd been sitting in the library, thinking he was alone (considering it's nearing 3am), working on an essay when sirius appeared out of nowhere.

"what the — what are you doing here?" remus asks, surprised, but the tiniest of smiles pulls the right corner of his mouth up.

"i figured you'd be here," sirius responds. he doesn't even sit down, he's just standing behind the empty chair next to remus. "so i've been thinking," he continues. "i'm not going to ask you to be my boyfriend."

joy leaks out of remus' chest like a deflating balloon, and he forces his gaze down to the textbook in front of him. "okay," he says in a small voice, hoping he doesn't sound too obviously heartbroken. he doesn't really understand why this is happening, considering it was barely a week ago that sirius told him he was in love with him. but if there's a reason why he's not anymore, if there's something remus has said or done, he's not so sure he wants to know what it is.

"yeah. i won't ask you."

"okay," remus says again.

sirius shakes his head. "remus, i only mean you've got to ask me. you know, since the first time i asked you you said maybe. who the fuck confesses their love to someone and then says maybe!?"

"i actually said i'd think about it," remus says back, giggling now. when he looks up at sirius, he's glaring, but his face is way too fond to actually be angry.

"that's worse!" sirius exclaims, which makes remus laugh harder. "merlin's beard, remus, stop being cute! you're killing me."

remus tries to stop laughing. "to be fair, you confessed your love for me while i was drunk and half-asleep, so i think we're even now."

"nope. definitely not even, you went too far," sirius says back, but now he's trying not to laugh. he's so in love with this boy, so stupidly in love, it's going to strangle him. he's actually going to choke.

"well, you're the one who messed up, so i think you should ask me out," remus says back. he has his elbows on the table now, chin resting in his hands, just smiling up at sirius way too innocently for the ultimatum he just laid out. "'cause i don't think i'm gonna ask you."

"have fun being single then, sweetheart," sirius says back dryly, but god, he wants to kiss him. kiss him. feel him against his body, soft and warm, wants to kiss his forehead, his nose. he's so in love it's actually stupid. he's not so sure how he's managed to be anywhere but here all the damn time.

remus shrugs, packing his things into his backpack. "well, since i'm single and not involved with anyone, guess i can go mess around with lucius malfoy with no repercussions." he's full-on smirking now.

"you little brat," sirius snarls, but he's still smiling, too.

"i mean, you can't stop me, right?" remus asks. his smirk is so cocky sirius wants to kiss it right off his face, but instead he just watches as remus grins and leaves the library.

- - -
"what if he actually is fucking lucius malfoy?" sirius asks james nearly twelve hours later. it's absolutely ridiculous that he's still torturing himself with the thought, but now he's picturing it in his head, and it's absolutely awful. "god, james, i fucking hate that guy."

james rolls his eyes. "idiot, he's definitely not fucking lucius malfoy. he definitely only said that to piss you off, and it clearly worked. just ask him to be your boyfriend, you idiot."

sirius crosses his arms over his chest. "nope. if he wants it so bad, he has to ask me."

"you want it that bad, too," james points out. sirius shuts him up by tossing a balled up t-shirt at his head.

- - -
"so how was messing around with lucius malfoy?" sirius asks remus a couple of days later, sitting down beside him with his mug of butterbeer. it's been weird — they haven't been spending as much time together as sirius normally would've liked. "was it hot?"

"kinky as fuck," remus responds, distracted by the book he's reading, and sirius actually chokes on his butterbeer. he chokes to the point that remus puts his book down and slaps him on the back a couple times. "merlins' beard, sirius, don't die."

"KINKY?" sirius demands before he can even breathe properly. "you're doing kinky shit with lucius malfoy instead of me!? why? is it because he's blond? are you into blonds, remus? i could dye my hair. i could pull off platinum, i think. or is it —"

"sirius," remus interrupts, laughing.

"what? you don't think i could pull off blond? i might surprise you, my face is very versatile."

"sirius."

"or...or maybe if i, like, got a wig?"

"sirius."

"yeah, you're right, the wig might be a little much. itchy, too." sirius pauses, thinking.

"sirius, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

sirius snaps his head up. "what?"

"do you want to be my boyfriend?"

a smile sirius can't stop is tickling the corners of his mouth. "but if you're with me, who's gonna be doing kinky shit with malfoy?"

remus rolls his eyes. "obviously, i can do both."

sirius pulls remus closer. "i think not, boyfriend."

"oh, yeah?" remus responds, giggling. he leans his forehead against sirius', against his boyfriend's, heart beating double time in his chest.

"yeah," sirius says back. his voice is lower now, darker, and it makes remus shiver. "if you're with me, you're with me. i don't like sharing."

"maybe it's time you learn," remus suggests. their faces are so close remus can feel sirius' breathing on his lips.

"maybe not," sirius smirks, and then somehow he manages to ask if he can kiss remus, and somehow remus says yes, and then they're kissing like mad on the table in the library in the middle of the night, kissing until they can't breathe. "i love you," sirius adds when the kiss is broken. he's staring at remus' kiss-swollen mouth, at his flushed cheeks, his half-closed eyes, and the declaration of love just bursts out of him. he hadn't even planned to say it.

remus' cheeks flush darker, which makes sirius say it again. "i love you, too," remus adds shyly, unable to look sirius in the eye as he says it. "you're way better at kissing than malfoy."

at that, sirius starts tickling him, remus still pinned down on the table, and he tickles him until remus gasps out that sirius was the better kisser and that he'd never been kissing malfoy at all.

"better not be lying about that," sirius accuses, glaring.

remus is giggling again. "wouldn't you like to know."