delicate. / timothée chalamet au

one.

i wake up in a haze.

"great." i say hearing the blaring of an alarm clock sitting beside me.
i yawn and rub my head roughly trying to soothe the ache and the reminder of last night's mistakes. i slowly get up stretching and yawning starting to rub my eyes roughly. my vision starts to clear up. i then remember that i don't even use an alarm clock, that this isn't the color of my bed sheets, and the overwhelming smell of boy i'm breathing in is not the usual scent of my apartment.

oh... well, shit.

i slowly start trying to piece together how i ended up here. i look around the room and see clothes scattered everywhere. but they're not mine. this persons room is littered with dirty clothes, empty soda bottles, and piles upon piles of video games. this guy seems to only have a mattress, a fairly old desktop computer, and a mini fridge.

ugh, boys.

i decide to plan my exit.
keep it pleasant, short and then dash. the usual routine when it comes to the morning after situations like these. i go on the hunt for my clothes. i find my pants scattered across the floor accompanied by my shirt flung on the one chair this guy owns. as i'm buttoning up my shirt i hear the opening of a door behind me.

"oh." i hear the boy mutter.
i quickly turn around.
"oh hi." i say sweetly.

keep it pleasant, short, and then dash.

we both take a moment to examine each other, both knowing we don't exactly remember the other.
he's skinny, pale. nothing too special.

"so, yeah. last night was..." he began.
"yeah, it was." i say trying to speed this up.

the boy looks everywhere but at me. he starts clearing his throat as if he's trying to think of ways to subtly kick me out but not sound like a dick.

"so- um... so i'm--"

wait for it...

"i'm actually super late for this thing that i have. so..."
ah and there it is, one of the classic lines that i too am guilty of using in the past.

"yeah yeah i actually am as well so..." i start scanning the room for my shoes. "i should get going."
"yeah okay." he says awkwardly looking at the floor.

i get a sense he is a very awkward and reserved person by the way he stands there silently, twiddling with his thumbs.
he walks past me, i'm sure to show me to the door. i mean i'm not blind, the small hallway to the door is two steps to my right. his apartment is fairly small so it's not exactly like i'd get lost trying to find it myself. i get a whiff of him as he passes by. he reeks of smoke. he picks up and hands me my shoes while opening the door.

well, this has to be a record for the shortest morning after i've ever had.
we stand facing each other in the very cramped hallway.

"so yeah thanks." he says rushed.
"yup. you too." i say quickly brushing past him and walking out the door.

i start walking down the hall and sigh in relief when i hear the door close, but then realize i'm completely lost and don't know how to get out of the building. he walks past me while muttering, "this is the way to the stairs" not even giving me a glance. i jump a little, not aware he was even behind me. i follow him but keep a decent amount of space between us so i can avoid conversation. he sprints down the stairs so fast i almost lose him. the last i see of him is his shadow after he opens up the door and let's it crash loudly behind him. maybe he did have a thing to go to, or maybe he was just really committing to his lie. i take a few minutes to fix myself up before heading outside myself. when i open the door i sigh in relief knowing exactly where i am and how to get to my meeting while the light august breeze flows through my hair as i start down the block.
i look in both directions and see no signs of the boy so i assume he's long gone. i start on my way to my meeting awaiting the disappointed looks i'll receive from the staff there.

i had relapsed.

well i had only been sober for 21 days. i try to redeem myself to myself. no. i can't keep going on like this. i had made promises to my family i'd try to get better. that i'd try my best to beat this once and for all. for him... for ja-... no don't go there rosie.
but it's the same thing every week. and every week it gets easier and easier to fall back into this game. and every week i start to care less and less about what my family needs me to be. i wouldn't even be going to this meeting if it wasn't for damien. the fucker was so invested in me he would come all the way to my shit hole of an apartment and drag me here himself.
and also my probation sorta requires it. yeah my probation. i can't even begin to get into that so, just think of a really stupid idea a young, sad, drunk, and naive girl would come up with to get lots of money in a short amount of time.

i take my next left and run up the stairs praying there's a lot of people there so i can just blend in with them. i open the door and make sure it closes quietly behind me. i quickly sign in at the front desk and tiptoe into the meeting.  i slide into the first chair i see trying to not attract any attention. no heads turn so i know i wasn't noticed coming in. i'm relieved there is a tall man sitting in front of me blocking me from damien's view.
i start picking at my nail polish, boredom getting to me.
just when i think im safe,
"oh, how lovely of you to join us, rose." damien exclaims loudly. i look up from my nails and see all eyes turning towards me.
"oh well you know me damien. i can never get enough of you." i say over enthusiastically.
"oh save it." he says shooing me away. i start to scan the room looking to see if the regulars were all in today.

just then my eyes fall onto a familiar face. he looks back at me too, both of us unable to identify how we've seen each other before. it takes me a good few seconds to remember. and when i do i can see his eyes instantly grow wider, knowing he too remembers how we knew each other.

"oh shit."
"oh shit."
we say at the same time.

all eyes were on me again, and now him too. there he was, the same green eyed boy whose apartment i had just left.
i guess he wasn't lying when he said he had a thing to go to.

~~
sooo here we go, i have a lot of chapters already done. i had so much fun writing this story so far-- hope you guys enjoy it just as much... (that is if anyone is reading at all haha)