roommates | l.s (unedited)

19 · gay

Louis

I wake up to the familiar sound of my alarm and force myself out of bed without hitting snooze. Come to think of it, I'm also regretting taking classes this early in the morning.

I start thinking of the reason I applied for university in the first place, and my mind immediately drifts to Connor. His copper hair, his green eyes, his deep voice, his manipulative mind... I shudder at the thought of him and my stomach knots. I take a few deep breaths to try and calm myself, but nausea washes over me and I feel myself slipping into another anxiety attack. Don't go there, Louis. You can get past this. Just breathe.

When the lightheadedness finally passes and my heart rate normalizes, I force myself to get dressed and ready for the day. I look around the dorm room, and Harry's still not here. Where is he? I have no idea where I would go if I were to spend the night somewhere other than here. He's probably in somebody else's bed. My heart drops at the thought of it. You have no right to feel this way, Louis. Get a hold of yourself.

I go over my course load for today, and when I realize that I have Philosophy with Jordan - and without Harry - my mood lightens. I'll be able to explain to him what happened yesterday. That is, given that I can come up with a plausible explanation...

I decide to text Jordan and see if he wants to grab a coffee before class, and he answers in agreement within less than five minutes.

I step out the door as soon as I get his message, not wanting to spend another minute in here. For some reason, I hate spending time in this dorm room without Harry. It feels... Off.

I walk around the campus for a while before heading to the cafe Jordan and I agreed on meeting at, yet I still manage to arrive ten minutes before him. So, I order our coffees and sit at a table to wait, appreciating the fact that I can pay for something for once.

Jordan walks into the coffee shop at around 7:30, which is perfect since it gives me half an hour to talk to him about yesterday, and another half hour to get to class.

"Hi!" he says as he takes a seat facing me.

"Hey!" I answer, before getting to what I actually want to say. "About yesterday..."

"Forget it," he says dismissively, taking a sip of his coffee.

"No, listen... Harry had no right-"

"It's really fine, Louis. You didn't do anything." He offers me a genuine smile, but it doesn't calm the uneasy feeling in my stomach.

"Listen, I wasn't looking for you or anything at the bonfire... I just called Harry cause he's the only person I know who can drive."

"I get it, it's fine."

"You don't hate me, do you?"

"What? Of course not! What he says isn't your fault."

I nod in agreement, and we fall into mindless conversation.

***

We walk quietly towards the lecture hall before Jordan speaks, breaking the silence. "Are you two dating?"

I'm pretty sure my jaw falls to the floor as I struggle to find words. "What? I, uh... I..." I take a deep breath and gather my thoughts. "No."

"You're not? 'Cause he seemed real... I don't know, forget it." Jordan shakes his head and looks at the ground, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

I want to ask him to finish what he was saying, but I'm not sure I want to hear the end of his sentence, so I stay quiet.

"Are you gay?" he blurts out, looking at me expectantly.

Well, that was unexpected... "Um, yeah," I answer awkwardly, shoving my hands in my pockets and looking at the ground. It's not that I haven't told anyone, it's just that no one's ever asked me such straightforwardly.

We walk in awkward silence before Jordan speaks again. "So... Aren't you gonna ask me?"

"If you're gay?" I ask, confused, to which he nods his head repeatedly. No one's ever asked me to ask them if they're gay, but hey, there's a first time for everything, right?

"Well, are you?" I continue, already knowing his answer.

"Come on, Louis! Is it not obvious? You should really start being more observant!" he laughs, and I'm thankful that he lightened the mood.

"True, sorry... I should have paid more attention," I state mockingly, rolling my eyes.

***

"Class dismissed."

The prof's voice snaps me and Jordan out of our conversation. We both shove our notes into our bags and hurry out of the classroom, talking and laughing the entire time.

As soon as we step outside of the building, my smile drops. Harry is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, and his eyes darken when he sees me and Jordan walking together.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him as he walks towards me.

"Waiting for you," he states as though it's obvious.

"Yeah, clearly. Why?" I retort, my voice just as cold as his.

Jordan turns towards me and gives me a small smile. "I think I'm gonna go."

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you tomorrow," I sigh.

Once he disappears out of my sight, I look Harry in the eyes and shake my head. "You can't just do that!"

"Do what?" he asks obliviously.

"Make my friends run away!"

"Oh." He shrugs his shoulders, disregarding my comment. "So, where do you want to go for lunch?"

I huff and throw my hands up in exasperation. He can't be serious!

"What's wrong?" Either he's being ignorant or he's just plain stupid.

I sigh, not having the energy to argue with him again today. "Nothing, Harry. If you can't see what's wrong, then nothing's wrong."