Wolfstar Oneshots

16. Finding Himself III

It had been almost two years since Remus stayed that night in Sirius' house. The thought of it haunted him, like a ghost whispering forgotten dreams.   In the January after the event, Remus applied for a job at a local pub, hoping that no one would recognize his feminine stature as an oddity. There were a couple times where he came close to being discovered along with a scattered amount of " Faggots" and "Tranny" thrown in as well. The words bit at is confidence, of course, and there were times where his soul was completely decimated, rendering him almost paralyzed. He placed any spare change he acquired from the  into an empty coffee tin with a masking tape label " Surgery", hoping a few coins a day would get him there. Eventually he scrounged up enough money, of course throwing a few pay checks into the mix, to get an appointment with Dr. Rob.  Getting the cheap surgery came with a price, of course. Remus tried not to think about the vague answer he received when he questioned the credentials of Dr. Rob.

The hospital room was a sickly tan, and smelled of pungent cleaner hiding a fog of old mold spores. He walked in, heel to toe in every step, prolonging the inevitable and shook the Doctor's clammy gloved hands. The surgeon's eyes gleamed under the heavily lit room and his wide, cracked smile was unnerving. Remus almost turned tail multiple times, but the surgery was performed. The physical pain was nothing compared to the relief he felt when it was over.

He had seen Sirius on the telly multiple times since their last encounter, and every time he had to click the TV off. Painful memories that he would prefer to forget, but never did resurfaced. Some of them weren't really about Sirius, but his silk voice was always in the background of every memory. Every downfall was soothed by the turning of a vinyl and the smooth songs of the Marauders, and it made watching the man on TV all the worse. Sirius was substantially skinnier and his eyes were always shadowed with doubt. His voice shook more than usual during interviews and his songs changed for anthems of hope, to ones of despair. Remus deemed it implausible that he was the cause of these things, because they had only met once. Yet, an unsettling twist of guilt manifested itself every time he saw the pathetic man on TV or heard his music on the radio. 

It was in the most usual of places that he next saw his old idol.  So usual for most that it was odd to pick him out of the crowd. Remus ventured into the supermarket for the first time in months, to pick up a few necessities. Milk, eggs, cereal, apples, lettuce, and other items to cheaply fill his wire basket. Of course a song played, and Remus hummed along, but it was mostly droned out into the white noise of chatter and the rolling sound of trolleys.

"Remus?"

He was snapped out of his fantasy by a familiar voice calling his name. Remus turned around and saw a man with sunglasses and a hoodie casting a shadow onto his sunken Remus stared at him in confusion, searching his brain for anyone who he knew that even slightly resembled that man. He couldn't think of anyone, until the man pulled his hood and sunglasses off of his face. 

" Sirius?"

Sirius ran up to Remus and squeezed him tight.

" Ow, ow! Careful!"

Sirius pulled away and grinned, " Sorry, I just missed you is all."

Sirius looked odd without copious amounts of gaudy jewelry and dramatic makeup. He looked tired. The large grin on his face was reduced to a faded smile when he saw Remus eyeing him. 

" Is something wrong? I know we haven't talked in a while, but a simple hello would be nice," Sirius stated in response to Remus' stunned silence.

" I thought I told you I didn't want to see you again."

" Yeah, well, it's not as if I sought you out here. I was going to the market to get some groceries."

" As am I, so if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way." Remus had to fight to hold himself back. He wanted so badly to just hold onto Sirius and never let him go.