The light..
Shining in my eyes..
I can't feel anything but warmth of him being here,holding my hand between his hands..
He's here..
He hasn't gone..
[Flashback]:
I kept the letter which was in my hand up to read it better.
I just finished my class a 5 minutes ago and now..
Reading a letter which tells me that Iam invited to a party.
I'm a college student and can't leave the dorm without having permission but I never was a follower.
Cut the long story short I would do my works by myself.
I let my hand fall on the bed beside my head with the letter touching my hair.
"Should I go or not?"I hummed with myself and groaned from exhaustion.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
I was thinking before someone enters the room.
"Do you have any plan to do for tonight,Inseong hyung?"I asked without looking at him.
"No,Jae.maybe I just rested."inseong answered me and threw himself on his bed by face.
"I got a letter.I don't know if I should go or not."I pouted a bit and yawned.
"I got one too but I thought if we get caught we'll be dead so I didn't think anymore."inseong said without taking his face from the pillow.
I hardly heard him.
"Why??"I rolled on my bed and threw myself on him and leant my head to his back.
He didn't reject and just pulled me up and turned to me and leant my head to his chest while petting my hair.
"I should study.you know better."
I just stared at an unknown point of the wall and thought.
He was right.his family were rich but what was the use?they were forcing him to study so much.
Well..
My family didn't care if I were alive or not and I didn't mind either but..
Inseong cared about me so much.
He never let me do dangerous things and made me believe that he was the only thing I had in my life which was left for me.
It was weird a bit since both of us are guys and like each other so much but well..
Lets not think about it more.
"Can't we go just tonight?"I asked and locked my hands around his body.
"Of course we can.but what's the profit for me?"inseong asked and almost shocked me.
"You say you'll come??waaaaa I love you!!"I wanted to hug him tighter but he put his finger on my cheek and stopped me.
"I said what's the profit for me?"he repeated again.
"Um..a kiss?"I laughed and made him laugh with me.
"How stupid can you be more?"he laughed and pat my shoulders a few times.
A kiss wasn't anything special between us but if you ask I would tell you.
We have a memory of kissing.
I remember the day in our high school,some guys were making fun of me.
I don't say inseong stopped them like a gentelman,no!
He appeared like an angel even if he was like that just for me!
He looked like a nerd but everyone knew him in the high school.
He was the most famous and the most rich guy in our school.
What I exactly remember is His ligh browned hair shining under the light of the sunshine..
Even his face was shining!!
He wasn't like a gentleman at all!
A gentleman doesn't kiss a boy in front of all the students,does he?
What I say is exactly this!
Everyone were watching me,kicking by those guys but no one helped me.
Inseong told me he never let anyone hurt me since there and kissed me.
It was redicilous and I don't even know why I am telling you this.
"Jae?"
I left my thoughts and came back to the earth when inseong called my name.
"U-Uh..what did you say??"I asked and looked at him.
"I'm talking to you this long and now you're asking what I'm saying??"inseong asked shocked while comtroling himself not hit me on face.
"Sorry."I smiled nervously.
"I hate myself that I can't hit your fcking cute face."
And for a thousand time,I loved my face because it saved me:')
"By the way.I said you should get up and get ready."inseong petted my hair.
Oh..I forgot.
I stood up and went to see what I have to wear for that night.
I hope nothing happens after we left the dorm..
~~~☆~~~
We showed our invitation to the guards which were in front of the door and after that we entered the club.
I was holding inseong's hand not to get lost.
We couldn't even hear our voice so if I got lost it would be a disaster.
We found a table and got seats.
"I don't know why the party should be in the middle of the jungle!!why haven't I seen this club before?"inseong hit his shoes on the floor madly and drank a glass of wine.
I nodded but didn't stop him from drinking.
Unlike inseong I just drank a glass of alcohol.
I didn't like bitter things and well..
Alcohol was bitter too..
I ate a piece of chocolate which was there and leant to my seat.
Inseong was watching people were dancing on the stage of the club.
I felt bad already.I felt like I wanted to throw up so I stood up but didn't inform inseong.
I would go back before he notices anyway.
I felt worse but didn't feel like throwing up anymore and just left the bathroom after washing my face.
What was special about this club that sent us letters?
It was hilarious.
I cam back to our table again but when I didn't see inseong I froze.
I turned my head around.
I had to find him.
If anything happened to him I scold myself.
"Inseong hyung..inseong hyung where are you.."
I started calling his name but got no answer since the volume of the music was so high and no one could hear.
I was looking for him but stopped all of a sudden.
I saw some people were surrounding a person.
I saw my..inseong..
I ran.I ran to them and pushed them all.
I looked at inseong who was laying on the floor bloody..
Was that my..hyung?
I screamed his name and knelt on the floor.
Tears falling on my cheeks fast.
"H-Hyung..I'm..I'm here..why are you..why are you like..this?"I started sobbing while shaking his head to wake him up.
This is not my hyung..
This is not whom I know..
He wasn't breathing..
He wasn't moving..
I was just holding his dead body..
No one tried to help us.
Like then no one tried to help me.
I lost my hyung..
I let go of him this easily.
Have I ever told him that I love him?
It was late..
I lost him.
[The end of the flashback]:
The light..
Shining in my eyes..
I can't feel anything but warmth of him being here,holding my hand between his hands..
He's here..
He hasn't gone..
I openned my eyes completely and stared at the ceiling.
It wasn't like my room..
I started remembering everything.
My inseong hyung..
I turned my head and looked at the sleeping boy beside me.
Taeyang..
Why did I think he could be inseong?
My tears started to fall after repeating his name in my head.
I started crying loudly and woke up taeyang.
"Hyung.hyung don't cry.oh god.."taeyang tried to wipe my tears but I pushed his hand away.
"I want inseong.I want my inseong.."I cried harder.
he was scared of me.
He had the right.I could tell I was scared of myself too.
"I want my hyung.give my hyung back."I held taeyang's wrist and shook him.
"H-Hyung it hurts..STOP.."taeyang tried to release his hands but I didn't let him go.
It wasn't his fault at all..but where could I take my hyung back?
I couldn't live without him.
I didn't want the life without inseong.
Before I break taeyang's bones the door openned and someone held me in his embrace and made me let go of taeyang.
I didn't need juho's help.
I was still looking at taeyang who was rubbing his wrist scared like I wanted to murder him right away.
I wanted to catch him again but juho stopped me.
Wait..
Why do I feel like juho got weird?
I took my eyes from taeyang and looked up to see inseong who was smiling at me.
Not juho but..inseong?
My tears fell once again.
I could feel him petting my hair..
I wasn't dreaming..
He was right in front of me,hugging me tight..
"I told you not to drink alcohol so much,didn't I?"inseong nodded and held me tighter.
"I was worried as hell when you fainted in the bathroom.."inseong took a deep breath and made me cry louder.
It was a dream..
I was dreaming..
He wasn't dead.he was alive..
"And why did you want to catch taeyang?"inseong asked and after him taeyang started.
"My wrist hurts!!I'm gonna sue you hyung!!if only seokwoo hyung knows he'll-"
I stopped crying and gave him a death glare.
"You wanna tell him?"I asked.
Rowoon was younger than me but still..
He looked scary when he frowned.
And his sensitiveness on taeyang..
Both of them were insufferable.
"Of course not."taeyang laughed nervously.
"I'm gonna kill you if you did tae.I swear-"
I shut up when inseong's lips landed on mine.
Taeyang yelled and said his usual word.'DISGUSTING!!' and left the room.
When I see now I'm in the hospital!
I didn't want to realize anything more and just closed my eyes and kissed him back.
It was weird but I missed him..
Maybe oneday..
I told him that I love him..
