I was watching him.
How he was wasting all his energy yelling at us about how we were doing the dance moved wrongly.
"Why can't you guys just do it correctly??"youngbin asked while running his fingers through his hair.
Maybe none of the members didn't know what youngbin was doing those days but I knew.
I knew how much he was stressed for being our leader.
He deserved more.
Once I was making a song with maknae line and I almost got killed while youngkyun and chanhee were argueing.
I was annoyed so much..that's why I can't even imagine how much pressure youngbin hyung was handling.
Being a leader of a noisy group is hard.
Youngbin hyung isn't tough as much as all of us think.
He might cry Alone..
Maybe he suffers Alone..
I was drowning in my thought when I noticed youngbin hyung suddenly bowed.
I thought maybe our sunbae came to our practice room when he bowed but no one was there..
I didn't dare to check him up.
Taeyang stepped forward and tried to see youngbin hyungs face while youngbin's hands were on his own face.
"Oh my god!!he's having nosebleeding!!"
With his shout all of the members rushed to him worried.
There I was.
Not daring to move to check him.
I was a coward.
*
I threw the drink's bottle in the dustbin.
Ah..I have to leave the company.
It's already 3AM.
I grabbed my bag and pulled my mask on my mouth and walked until the stairs.
I don't know why I looked into the practice room before I leave.
I never did that before
I stopped moving when I saw youngbin hyung was organizing our dance with the tablet which was in his hands.
It wasn't the first time I was seeing him works hard on his stuff.
I wanted to go in and ask him to go with me to the dorm but stopped when he put the tablet down.
I wouldn't be stopped if he was just putting the tablet down.
It was weird..
He was like someone who was disappointed.
He leant his head to the mirror behind him and stared at the ceiling.
I bit my lips a bit as I saw this side of him.
"It's hard for him."I thought and before decide to turn around I saw his tears fell down on his cheeks.
"What should I do more?"
Youngbin hyung hummed while he was sobbing.
I could give him a hug..
I could tell him not to cry alone..
I hated to see him like that but again..
Like a coward I just passed from it.
Maybe all he needed was a cuddle..
*
I went back to the dorm soon 'cause I couldn't see how much my hyung was breaking down anymore.
Everyone were sleep.
I don't know the reason but I checked them all except taeyang who was still in company to practice.
Ah..that kid overworks so much..
I was hungry so before I sleep I openned the door of the refrigerator and ate two slice of strawberry with cream.
Then I put the dirty plate in the sink.
Ah..there was so many dishes..
I didn't pass from them and started to wash them with gloves in my hands.
I didn't want youngbin hyung to wash them when he came back.
I don't know where that health freak was in this situation to see those dirty dishes!!
Finally I finished washing them and stared at the clock which was on the wall while showing 5AM.
Is youngbin hyung still in the company?
Or maybe..he's still crying?
I took out the gloves but couldn't turn around 'cause suddenly something landed on my back.
I looked at in front shocked and when a pair of hand locked around my stomach I stopped breathing.
"Why are you still awake,juho-ah?"
Then Youngbin hyung hugged me from back,huh?
I didn't expect him to come back.
"I wanted to come to you to come back home together."I hummed and turned around and held him in my embrace.
He didn't complain and just leant his forehead to my chest.
I had feelings like I wanted to protect him although he was my hyung.
I started petting his black hair.
He was so calm like that..
Putting his head on my chest while his hands were curling around my neck.
"I really wanna go to my room but..I don't wanna move.."youngbin hyung whispered.
If I could handle his weight no matter what would he think I wanted to hug him like a bride and take him to his room.
Maybe..trying was free!
I put one of my hands under his knees and the other under his neck and lifted him up.
Well,I could carry him just to his room.
Fortunately there was no stair in the dorm or that could be hard.
I carried him to his room and put him on his bed.
He had no expression on his face so I thought he was asleep but before I get up he pulled me down on top of him as he was still curling his hands around my neck.
Normally I couldn't get embarrassed but I did a bit.
I wasn't blushing,no!I would never admit that!
"Would you sleep here?"he asked me quietly.
I was shocked.why did he ask me that?
"I don't wanna sleep alone.I'm afraid.."
As he read my mind he answered.
I told you.
He was never tough as much as everyone were thinking.
*
I stared at his calm face when he was asleep while I was holding his hand and my fingers were locked between his.
It was 6AM.
I had to sleep too.but why couldn't I sleep?
I started petting his hair slowly.
Maybe I could fall sleep like that.
I needed dare.
I wanted to protect whom I loved so I needed more power..
*
I drank another gulp of my ice pack which was in my hand and started walking toward the place which jaeyoon hyung was recording his scence.
Well,honestly he was recording that scence with dawon hyung and taeyang.
They were walking like chicks.
SWAG!!
I laughed with myself as I was watching them.
By the way,where is youngbin hyung?
I turned around and looked for him and finally found him.
He was leaning to the car was behind him,looking at the umbrella which he was holding not to burn under the light of the sun.
He seemed peaceful.
I didn't step forward.
He was alone as usual.but..he wasn't crying so it was ok!
I was just making an excuse for my cowardiness.
I just let go of him again..
*
We all clapped for taeyang who was dancing in the middle of the dancing room.
Youngbin wasn't with us but in the corner of room,fixing some movements of our dance with his ipad.
I left the others while stepping toward youngbin hyung.
He was still doing his work but stopped when I hugged him from back.
"Ju..ho?"he hummed my name.
I don't know how he understood that it was me but I didn't care.
When I hugged him I noticed..I needed to hold him between my arms..
I could relax more..
"Stay still."I said and made him lean his head to my shoulder.
"You act weird today."he whispered and kept doing his work.
I dragged myself on the floor and leant to the wall while he was between my legs and still..doing his work!
"Hyung.is there something bothering you?"I asked quietly.
"No.why?"he asked back and put down his ipad exhausted.
"I just..can't see you cry alone."I breathed out and tightened my hands lock around his stomach.
"You..watched me?"he asked.
He looked dangerous..he could jump and chop me into pieces in any time!
"I didn't want to.I just couldn't take off my eyes."I hummed.
I saw how tears filled his eyes..
Before he says anything I pulled him and made him fall on my body and hid his face in my shoulder.
I couldn't see his tears..
I didn't want to!
"I don't ask you to let me take your resposibilities."I whispered.
"I'm asking you to let me hold your hands while you do it yourself."
I've been a coward but from now on..I'm gonna hold you tight.
"I'm Sorry hyung..I'm sorry if I just watched you suffer..I'm sorry if I never helped you.."
Being a leader is hard for him..
I hate when some people expect him do better.
"No..I'm sorry that I'm a bad hyung.."he whispered and wiped his tears fast.
"You're the best hyung ever..just trust me..we all be following you wherever you go..we agree with whatever you decide.."I smiled and let him look at me.
I loved those eyes..
They could give me life..
And with a bright smile from him..
I loved his lips too..
